Shopping therapy Sunday #2 : Axsmar

This is the second post in a  series on various kink retail experiences she has had. This series of posts are based on personal experience and are not sponsored reviews, she has not received any money or free products based on her comments.

Hopefully this series might introduce you to some new items and websites you might not have seen before or give you confidence to go ahead with a purchase. Anyway hopefully you will enjoy! If you wish to participate and post in Shopping therapy Sunday yourself then just leave a comment with a link or drop an email :)

Shop : Axsmar

Located in : Manheim : Germany
Available to visit in person : Yes believe so but by appointment only
Language : German & English :  items priced in Euro though can change currency to USD.

axsmar

Site layout : Easy to navigate, products categorised.
Items available : Metal bondage specialist – variety of stainless steel collars and restraints, titanium collars also available. Several unique steel bondage ideas too including the famous nose shackle and also arm traps and other ideas. Custom service also available. This girl used the custom service as she wanted a nose hook based on the one JG Leathers designed.
Pricing : Quite expensive – however – having said that you get what you pay for and the quality is amazing.
Ordering : Shopping cart system with options of ways to pay.
Communication : Excellent.  This girl had tried their stock nose hook and also the one JG Leathers had designed. It was no trouble for them to make her one and their communication was very fast and very friendly. It’s nice knowing that they will do custom work as well as the stuff listed on the site.
Postage  : For what this girl has purchased in the past costs have been reasonable, items well packaged and on time and discrete.

What this girl bought : nose shackle – though she has also tried various restraints they have made for JG Leathers.

The nose shackle that is available on the website without enquiring for a custom one is shown in the picture below :-

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The belt is also by Axsmar but belongs to JG. What a bitch he is that he has a similar waist size! This was this girl’s first ever introduction to anything made by Axsmar and the quality is amazing. There is absolutely no escape from any of their gear (provided you have chosen the right size for you of course) and it feel heavy-duty and is beautifully shiny. Being chained to this fence and abandoned and only able to move centimetres got this girl very spicy indeed. It was also one of the first bondage sessions she had during her 2009 visit to see JG Leathers with Grimly and so it was a lovely experience. Not long after that JG Leathers designed an alternative nose hook, more industrial in nature. The one in the picture above is perhaps prettier and daintier but this girl was attracted to the more industrial look so it wasn’t long before she just had to have one.

The following picture shows it in use together with the arm binder straight jacket (from the now defunct subshop) that Captive Kink had brought up during one of his visits to the old playroom at Grimly’s:-

axsmar new style nose hook accompanied with suspension bondage by Grimly & arm binder straightjacket by subshop(not available any longer :( )

However (to date) the most fun this girl has probably had with Axsmar toys is when she and Grimly did a wedding bondage shoot in JG Leathers’ garden. The steel seemed to compliment the satin and pearls just beautifully! Oh probably the first and last time she’ll combine bondage with a tiara ;)

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It had been a fantasy of this girl’s for many years to be in bondage in her *actual* wedding dress so it was a dream come true to be chained in it and tormented by her husband (at that point she had just been married to him about 3 weeks)

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A lot of people do ask how secure into the nose the hook is. Well the answer is very! Hopefully this picture below demonstrates that. However it is not uncomfortable just being worn for it’s own sake. It *can* be uncomfortable though if someone yanks a chain on the end of it it restricts the ability to manoeuvre somewhat! The thing is though – that just makes it very effective yet very simple and beautiful bondage.

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Steel bondage is something this girl loves very much and certainly the quality of what Axsmar make is second to none. Yes its a bit expensive, but for memories like these ones absolutely worth it!

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If you have had experience of this site or their products and want to leave a comment (good or bad – provided it can be supported) please do so .

Hope you have enjoyed this review and supporting pictures – stay tuned for next week :) (and well hopefully some more kink in-between!)

Points of view

So far 2012 has been uninteresting kink wise :(  This girl spent Christmas with family and the New Year with very good friends and had three weeks with Grimly – whose birthday it is today!  She had a fantastic festive period just not a kinky one. 

This girl and Grimly haven’t yet had chance to play this year but he has been doing  a lot of work preparing the workshop he will have here so watch this space – he has so much more room to make equipment here than he does currently in his little shed!*  It will be good when he has the ability to make equipment here where this girl can take photographs of the process and hopefully share some handy tips with you.

Anyway, despite nothing much happening so far this year this girl still has plenty to share with you from last year and the honeymoon. So much happened and there have been so much non kink related distractions since this girl has a little backlog of writing to do! She has already mentioned she and Grimly visited San Francisco with JG Leathers and attended the Folsom Street fair (pictures a few posts back) but in addition to that she also had a guerrilla photo shoot with JG and Serious Bondage / Serious Images. Some of the pictures are below,and are part of a full set posted up a few weeks ago on the Serious Images website (a paysite but worth a subscription as there are plenty of hot pictures on there to see)

These pictures were taken at ‘twin peaks’ in San Francisco in front of several nosy sightseers. Well um they definitely saw the sights!

This girl felt really self conscious because although both herself and JG Leathers were fully dressed it was pretty obvious it was a bit unusual wear for such a hot day! Some of the tourists did ask  what JG and this girl were dressed up for and were given the excuse that it  some background shooting work for a movie and for a magazine. Given Mark from Serious Bondage had the sound boom and the video camera that explanation seemed to stick! Anyway,the tourists seemed interested enough to take pictures  and it seemed the unusual addition to the viewpoint attracted several of the passengers on the tour buses!

In any event this girl was still pretty self-conscious at the whole thing. However not so much as if it had been in the UK. It seems San Francisco has a much more laid back attitude to kink and alternative sexualities especially when it is around Folsom Street Weekend which is so heavily advertised that all the locals know exactly what it is and that there may be people around who look ‘unusual’  However pretty much what happened at the viewpoint was what JG calls S&M stand and model lol. It’s a different matter subjecting to locals to heavy play, nudity or sex – lines this girl would never cross. Dressing up in what can be explained as fashion and/or fantasy was enough. It seems to be getting the case now that movies and so on include latex outfits, but goodness knows what the tourists thought to ‘the creature’ harness and JG’s hoof boots!

It’s perhaps slightly hard to explain but this girl is most definitely a shy exhibitionist. She got a kick of being there with JG and dressed in latex with such a remarkable view in the background,but the curious onlookers did freak her out a little. None of them seemed bothered or upset and perhaps that is why she felt a little bit freaked out!

This girl is the type of person who worries about what people think. Often too much to the point where she over analysing things like thinking ‘well if i write about being in latex in public in front of tourists will people judge that negatively’. Well the thing is, it was fun, no one appeared to be outraged (or not that they said) and everything considered the pictures turned out pretty hot (well in this girl’s opinion lol)

But this girl does worry about what people’s view of her is. The thing is though of course there is not a thing she can do about that. She is what she is and people will think what they think and will either accept that or they won’t and this is true whether it be for what she does in a fetish sense or at work or whatever.

Anyhow, this is where you come in, your points of view are important to this girl. When she began the blog she never expected anyone to read it apart from Grimly. He will always be the person she primarily writes it for but having others read gives a nice feeling of recognition and has also led to this girl meeting people and making new friends in some cases very good friends like a few certain ladies ;)

For the next few months this girl may well be limited with writing time (and possibly limited on opportunities for research ;) ) given so much is happening with Grimly’s move and work stuff so here is your chance to say what you would like to see this year or read about? Would you like more fiction for instance? Or do you have any questions on anything you’ve seen here or that you would like this girl’s opinion on?

Ideas and feedback and other opinions are welcome at any time, but now given it’s a new year is a chance to share your ideas :)

Anyway, that’s all for now , all that remains to be said for the moment is Happy Birthday Grimly!

* A good friend said on one of the wedding cards that ‘the secret of a happy marriage is that it remains a secret’. However Grimly has said that the secret to a happy marriage is for the husband to have a shed.

However, he did not quantify this statement with any explanation as to whether he meant a shed should be a refuge for a man to escape to with a cup of coffee and a paper,whether he meant a shed should be a place for a man to sleep in when he annoys his wife by being naughty or whether he meant where  a man should spend time creating restraints and tortures to keep his wife under control.

Oh well that will perhaps still need to remain a secret ;)

A review of 2011

Well as this year goes out here is the review of this girl’s year of pervertery, with a bit about each month and a quote from the first blog of each month also! Feel free to browse the archives and the photo galleries for more info if you want to!

JANUARY

This girl started the year reading too much into things (a frequent habit!)

“This girl feels bad though that maybe people come here expecting to read about some insane kinky life. Honestly it’s not the case. There are splashes here and there , well in fact, let’s face it , great big fucking dives into madness, but that just can’t be maintained all the time”

Grimly made himself a birthday-cake stand which had a built-in fuck machine and also caused electric shocks if the table was upset!

FEBRUARY

“This girl probably writes about  keeping the balance between bdsm and a normal life too much, but for possibly good or bad it’s something that she has to jiggle this year even more so than before given the wedding plans, and, maybe its important to show that doing bdsm all the time just isn’t realistic unless you really do not have very many work or family responsibilities.”

Maintaining the balance between kink and normality was incredibly difficult this year with everything going on from dress fittings and planning church order of services, but somehow or other it was managed!

This girl also wrote about wedding plans fitting round submission for the resource site Submissive Guide.

MARCH

Traditionally question and answer month :-

The questions were :

What is the impact of e-stim pads on you when in bondage? I can see a little appeal in having some muscles involuntarily being made to twitch, but is there more to it than that?

”Since you brought up the electric play and interrogation, I don’t think I’ve seen you write about creating a situation where you had information that Grimly wanted. I guess something like hiding the hat of his you loathe, and having him torture it’s location might be the kind of “battle of wills” you might engage in”

My Master and I have had to move a couple of times, so our collection of play toys has been depleted severely. I was wondering what you consider the essentials for a good scene and where to find good quality for a good price?

Hi, i understood you,re into medical, although it may not be too related, but i was wondering if you ever had an experience with diapers? I would also like to here what you think about the general idea of bdsm & diapers.

i read about the inspiring idea of the video goggles where you can also watch yourself in real-time, did you get to try it (watching yourself) and how was it?

Now that you have been with Grimly for some time, and he is so good at coming up with ways to restrain you, do you still struggle with the restraints trying to get free, or do you know from experience that it is not possible so you don’t try? How about when pain is applied? Do you ever panic and really test the restraints?

how has you pain tolerance been affected sense you began BDSM? Also when you first met grimly, if he were to put you through a session like the ones you can stand now, how much would your pain and pleasure be different than now? 

Have you ever done any predicament bondage with ballet boots? Like walking on a treadmill with your arms in a single glove? 

This girl had some puppy play ……

and also met fellow blogger trinity pup and her dom Single Glove for the first time and also met up with friends Geetwo and Maxi again.

and the month finished with an interview with a sadist!

APRIL

Ollie chucked in a last-minute question - A lot of what you and Grimly do seems to have a vibe very similar to what they’re doing over at the House of Gord. Is Gord one of your sources of inspiration? What’s your opinion of H.o.G.?

This girl had some fun with her MGF (which is now off the road for the winter :(  )

and made a new friend – Ceri.

MAY

This girl wrote about long distance relationships for Submissive Guide.

and she wrote about the fun she had with Alternative Mindsets, Geetwo and Maxi, Grimly, Ceri and Captive Kink at the pony fields in Wales.

This girl also had some fun experimenting with contact lenses and started burlesque classes which ran on for six weeks and were a great deal of fun!

JUNE

Wedding plans picked up some speed, and Grimly met this girl’s bridesmaid for the first time.

“Yep. It’s been once hell of a stressful 7 days! From bad news at work, to family stress right down to stupid little niggily things, but it was a very good weekend!”

Therefore it was actually very good to have a bit of breathing space after the rushing around and planning :

This girl’s blog was 5!

JULY

Canada was very much in Grimly and this girl’s minds in 2011 since back in July they were in the process of planning their honeymoon there! So July started with wishing Canadian readers a happy Canada day.

“Just a quick one to wish all you Canadians out there a happy Canada Day! Especially to Mr & Mrs JG Leathers, STEFFY , Padme & Annakin and all the other canadian folks this girl and Grimly met on their last trip :)

This girl also wrote a short story – TOM:boy and tried out some evil nipple magnets.

AUGUST

This girl wrote about brain conditioning again -

“That’s why the brainwashing idea works well as a fantasy because whilst she knows she is actually submissive deep down it helps to think it has been brainwashing into her against her will as though she has been powerless to stop it, and for a part of it, she has.”

Also in August she visited with Trinity Pup at Captive Kink’s. Take a look at the August and September archives for some great pictures!

SEPTEMBER

On the 10th of September this girl and Grimly got married and also hand-fasted whilst on honeymoon in Canada on the 17th.

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love”

As part of the Honeymoon this girl got to try the Creature again, visit Serious Bondage in San Francisco during Folsom Street weekend, visit Whistler and also visit with Rubbert and LadyM on Vancouver Island. So much happened she hasn’t had time to write about it all yet!

OCTOBER

This girl tried to make a start on writing up her honeymoon adventures – difficult as they were so action packed!

“Well the honeymoon is over and this girl has been delivered back to reality with a bump. Thank you to everyone who helped make it so special and also to those who have left words of support and encouragement from afar.”

Grimly and this girl also went to a very fun halloween party in Whitby, home of Bram Stoker.

NOVEMBER

This girl wrote up about her adventures at Folsom Street :-

“Back in September whilst they were on honeymoon this girl and Grimly went to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco and were lucky enough to spend a few days either side with the lovely people at Serious Bondage.”

and also about her revenge on JG Leathers ;) as well as her own go in the Creature.

During November this girl and Grimly went to an indoor pony event in the midlands with Trinity Pup and Single-glove and Geetwo and Maxi along with other friends. Great fun!

DECEMBER

“Ok, so this girl is a *little* bit behind with her blog! It just seems lately life is really busy and she does not have as much time to be behind the computer as she once had. Unsure if that’s good or bad? Anyway, this girl had not got around to posting these pictures of one of the shoots Captive Kink did with her and Trinity Pup. It seemed a good time to post these given this girl saw Pup again last week lol.”

All in all 2011 was a pretty good year since it was the year this girl and Grimly got married and had the most amazing honeymoon:)

2012 will be perhaps a little strange as there are many adjustments on the way and Grimly will be moving here in March which will be slightly strange. He has already started remodelling the garage and improving things here and so will have a far better workshop than he had before to make devious creations!

Though it’s all slightly scary and unknown!

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE HAD A FANTASTIC NEW YEAR, HAPPY 2012!


Turn me on

So this girl finally got to try The Creature again in a comfortable (at least to begin with) reclining position. The build up had been quite intense and she very much appreciated the little sojourn in the garden! 

Her body was suspended off the ground with a combination of garage springs and steel bondage devices. There was absolutely no way she was going anywhere, with Grimly in the corner at the controls she was doomed!

The reasons why this girl was first attracted to The Creature are not that hard to explain. It is an embodiment of what probably attracted her to BDSM in the first place.  Full on bondage, sensory overload and well….pretty much a device that has the ability to torment and torture on one hand but to lead to earth shattering orgasms on the other.

This girl cannot say exactly where her interest in torment and torture first came from, certainly the first she heard of electricity on the genitals was from her history teacher – he had a sort of dominant moody side to him, but on the downside he had a lisp. She was certainly inspired by films too ones like Robin Hood, James Bond, The Avengers, The Princess Bride – anything with a torture and interrogation scene where the victim was racked and tormented within an inch of their life.

Ok so there are some people that say they love BDSM because they can get it to be so intense they feel something spiritual. Is it something like that? Such a question is too personal for this girl to draw comparisons.

See to be honest, this girl just likes to get to the point where pain and pleasure is one and to feel a tiny bit of fear and adrenaline.

The Creature is a combination of all manner of high tech stimuli, from electrics and vaccum to breath control and shares these features with the chair that Grimly made although in a different manner of presentation.

This girl likes the fact that every sensory part of her body can be controlled with just a few switches and dials and there aren’t really any lasting marks on the body, just on the memory. This is why the hi-tech sci-fi type of play really turns her on. It is more cerebral and through the senses stimulates the mind.

Perhaps what made this time more special than the first was because it was her husband at the controls and towards the end of the torture he did subject her to rather exquisite tenderness that left aftershocks for quite some time ;)

And well the whole thing, its eye candy right ;)

Lady in waiting

So as you might guess, a lot of the vanilla things Grimly and thisgirl did on honeymoon involved waiting and queuing and being in the car for hours wondering ‘are we there yet ? ‘ lol. All holidays have an element of that. This girl has never been a very patient person, and perhaps less patient when it comes to kink! Probably she has mentioned this issue before.

For a very long time particularly it has felt as though life has been a bit on hold with Grimly still two hundred miles away even now.  But, this girl is unsure if she has mentioned it, but she will finally have him living here with her around March time :)

Having a timescale is good :) But its still irritating that its not now!

Anyway, this girl sometimes gets a bit anxious during the build up to play if it takes time. Perhaps impatience isn’t the right word for it, it’s more anxiety and nerves!

The creature certainly took time to get into. It’s not really rocket science the longer it takes to get rigged up into something the more the anxiety builds and the fear and the personal doubt.

This girl had most definitely wanted to try the creature again, given she’d felt on the last holiday it perhaps hadn’t gone far enough because her reaction to it was rather overwhelming and perhaps made it a bit strange.  So, she got into the latex catsuit TLC had made for her as a wedding present, a mask, rubber boots and gauntlets. It got hot very quickly! She was then harnessed up into it and wired up pretty much everywhere you can think of.

Perhaps its not evident in the picture but the rig weighs a hell of a lot and being in latex as well meant it got quite warm so it was nice to take a break!  It takes a good chunk of an hour to get into the creature so all sorts of things were going through this girl’s head most of them relating to wanting to back out of it!

But, really, in some ways it was the same as something that happened in Whistler. There, Grimly and thisgirl decided to go on the zip lines which are very high up in the moutains and strung between douglas firs, rivers (and sometimes bears! – though  none were spotted). Just before one of the biggest zips this girl really wanted to back out and go and get the van back down the mountain, but it would have looked stupid especially when the Mum of one of the guides was doing it! So she didn’t back out of that – and it was amazing! The adrenaline, the view, everything, it was one of the best experiences of her life and one of the best days. It’s like you buy the ticket – that’s it, that choice is made the rest is to just enjoy.

Well the creature was in many ways similar. A very good day and certainly one of her best ever kink experiences.

Self doubt is just one of those things. Especially when faced with something that is supposed to be terrifying , electrifying, stimulating and exhilirating all at once. She could easily have backed out of it, but she would have felt as stupid as she would have if she had driven down the mountain in a van instead of flying through the air with her life in her hands….and yes, she would have missed out! The thing is of course on both occasions Grimly had her back. Perhaps that is what makes all these things such an adventure…having someone to share it with – whether it be by suffering things at his hands or whether it be sharing thrilling things with him on a more equal basis.

The thing is, after a while fear and anxiety can sometimes become a turn on by themselves, and the anticipation becomes welcomed and less stressed and each level of kink that is added takes away a bit of the uncertainty. This girl really was a bit anxious of the creature, wondering whether she would be able to take what it would throw at her this time, but it’s not the machine she needed to worry about – it was her husband lol.

To be continued…..

A creature of habit

This girl and Grimly spent their honeymoon with JG Leathers over in Canada. Some of the time was spent with Serious Bondage in San Francisco, and some over on Vancouver Island, but this girl ensured there was time to thank their host….

JG Leathers is best known for a device called the ‘creature’. If you have been reading here a while you will know that this girl experienced it when she and Grimly visited Canada in 2009.  The posts that are about that start with this entry here. Though of course there is always the potential of new readers, so of course it warrants a brief explanation.

For those people into BDSM activities such as electroplay, suspension, heavy bondage, breath play and sensory overload it is perhaps one of the things out there that encourages even a hard core player’s mouth to drop in amazement and leave them left with the thought ‘God i’d love to try that, but it will never happen’. Well you know, for this girl it did. Three times now, and well, the third was the best, but more on that another time ;)

It is a custom made leather bondage harness, which is fully suspendable in a very secure and elaborate fashion with a network of garage springs.  Breathing is controlled by a gas mask connected to a regulator and other intimidating looking medical machines. Electric suction cups are then fixed to the breasts and then the female, electric dildos, or for the male an electric butt plug and cock sheath. Well this girl is not go into too much detail about how all the electric cock stuff works because its far too technical lol but suffice to say the controller allows ripples of electricity to go up and down the shaft in either a pleasurable fashion or a painful one dependant on the desire of the person at the controls.

That evil controlling bitch on two occasions now, has been this girl! Last time she was in Canada she had STEFFY strapped up, but felt so guilty leaving him tenderised and tortured that she felt if she had another go at being behind the controls she could only do so if the victim (sorry volunteer of course!) was the creator himself since there is no better person to understand the consequences and to be enthralled by them.

There is one fundamental difference between JG’s creature and Grimly’s chair. Apart from the fact that the creature is suspendable. JG made the creature primarily for his own torture. Grimly, and many other kinky engineers out there make equipment to torment other people. For JG, the fact that other people enjoy being tormented by it is an added bonus but not its primary function, which is why it was quite important to this girl to give him the chance of a ride in it especially since he does not have a regular play partner.

What he does have is an absolutely fantastic wife who doesn’t share his kink but understands it and is welcoming of friends who share it. Whilst most vanilla women would turn away from men who wish to pursue kink she does not and embraces it as another facet of the man she loves and encourages his interests. As he does hers.  This girl tries to take that viewpoint when Grimly gets obsessed with aircraft porn and boats, but well heck, she’s not been married long enough to be good at that!

Oh perhaps this preamble is making this girl sound as though she was doing something utilitarian and selfless. Well you know, that is not at all true, yes she wanted to do it to do something special for a friend, but well, she’s an evil twisted bitch as well and she WANTED to for her own sick twisted purposes (of which she has many!) This girl can quite honestly say there has never once been an occasion where she’s gone into a session with someone not wanted it, at least, not since the very early days of her forays into BDSM when she found it hard to say no.

Grimly helped this girl rig the creature, since it is quite heavy and complicated, but he left before the fun began and let her do the fine tuning *cue evil laughter and thunderclaps*

This girl has said before that she is sometimes not all that confident with the domme thing, not unless she really knows the person and is familiar with the kit. So, being put in front of the controls was pretty daunting in itself, but she spent time being shown what was what and understood the basics, but it is a complex and dangerous piece of equipment.

Some people might think it is easy to sit on a chair and twiddle a few dials but it really is not, when you have to watch the signs to ensure things are okay, most of all breathing and other essential comforts ! Partly because she was concerned about going too far she perhaps did not go far enough, keeping things relatively moderate and then just inflicting extra torments now and then.

Watching the person in the creature that it was made for was a great deal of fun. This girl is very much envious of JG that he has the ability to make his own visions come to life for his own torments. He has no one else to blame! This girl on the other hand has one very twisted hubby to blame for everything! This girl is still working on expanding her own creativity but it is something that will take years to develop rather than months, the sewing machine still sitting forlornly under the stairs. Seriously THAT is one of her new year’s resolutions. That and a degree.

Anyway, digressing too much.

The view from the controls was spectacular. Especially when the vacuum and the electrics were causing his body to involuntarily bounce about and shudder in the springs. This girl has never had that much physical power over someone at just really the touch of a button and it was very erotic to have that especially as her opportunities to be on the giving end are so limited.

This isn’t really a complaint, its more a choice since this girl prefers being at the centre of sadistic and twisted attentions, but once in a while ,they do say its good to experience it from the other aspect and nothing could be truer than that. We are all creatures of habit but sometimes it’s good to vary the habit a little and add a bit of something different.

Follow my leader?

Recently this girl went away for the weekend with a specialist car group she belongs to. Note – the car in the picture isn’t hers – if only!  Her car is worth a lot less, and not a classic – just old!

It is slightly odd because since owning her current car this girl has found that car ownership can be a fetish all of its own if you have the type of car that is something a bit more special than one that gets you from A to B. Some cars are like people they need a bit of pampering and spoiling from time to time – some more than others! Since having this car this girl has spent more on it than BDSM. Possibly at one point Grimly was worried that it was going to take over from this girl’s other hobbies – but it hasn’t.

Anyhow – its pretty much her pride and joy, so when she found out that there were other people with the same interest – in the same way she found there were other people into bdsm – she decided to try to meet some of them.

The funny thing is – a group of car enthusiasts are no different to a group of fetishists. They talk about random stuff, they come from all walks of life, but all have that one particular thing in common. So anyhow this girl decided to go to an event with them.

It was not her thing. Grimly had told her that it wouldn’t be. Yes. HE TOLD HER SO! Sorry Master next time this girl will listen to you!

She ended up driving in a lot of traffic in the rain on roads that might otherwise have been spectacular – especially if there wasn’t any other traffic! This girl is a girl racer not a curb crawler – she really would like a latex Penelope Pitstop outfit yet funnily enough nowhere seems to sell them. Too niche??

Anyhow its had this girl thinking. She doesn’t really like being a follower. As in, following other people sheep fashion which essentially is what that was like. It’s no fun being one of many.

At school this girl was a bit of a follower. Just someone who blended in with the crowd and didn’t particularly stand out. She stood out academically but that was really was the only thing that made anyone notice her. Sometimes just going along with a crowd of peers is not a good thing, and a bit dull. This girl has never really enjoyed being someone who just blends in that no one notices and that just goes along with the majority and does what everyone else is doing. Its boring.

This girl would rather stand out a bit more. That comes to BDSM as well. Before this girl met Grimly it seemed that a lot of people do the same sorts of things and never get really all that adventurous. This girl has always wanted adventures, to experience new things and go places and to see how close to reality the thoughts and possibilities of things in her head can become.  Though sometimes you don’t need to go further than your own backyard to experience a world of adventures, but then sometimes the grass is a bit greener on the other side.

With STEFFY , October 2009

Maid to dress up?

The pictures are a few taken at this girl and Grimly’s engagement party last year when she was trying out Rubbert’s arms-down straight jacket and then was accosted by people trying to feed her party snacks lol

In the pictures this girl is wearing a pink maid’s dress (yes having to be the maid at her own engagement party – disgraceful eh?) and a red leather straight jacket. The dress is something that Grimly thought would be fun , but this girl has mixed feelings about it because she’s not really that much of a pink person.

The whole dressing up thing is actually something this girl used to think she wasn’t that bothered about. After all, when she first got into BDSM her feelings were mostly masochist ones. ‘I want someone to hurt me’. Of course, that is taking it to a very basic definition – but there it was.

Probably that simple truth is the thing that gets a lot of people started with BDSM. Whether it’s wanting to be hurt or do the hurting. It’s really just a matter of *how* you go about achieving that, and, well, there are quite a lot of ways to explore.

When this girl was with her ex really all she wore for play was lingerie normally. Though he did buy her a corset for the first time she went to a fetish club and a collar and cuffs. That was really the beginning of this girl’s fetish wardrobe. After that she added bits that were appropriate for fetish clubs such as pvc dresses and things like that. This girl doesn’t really go to fetish clubs these days, since she’d much rather play in private, but that was the sort of thing she wore when she went to them years ago and her reason for really buying fetish clothing to begin with – most clubs have a dress code of some sort that has to be adhered to for entry to be allowed.

She also started seeing the attractions of dressing up more when she started doing spanking modelling for Northern Spanking, since most of the scenarios involved costume and role play.  In a big sense having the right outfit aids the ability to get into a character whether it be a nurse or a secretary, or in the case of Grimly’s tastes a robot or a pony, or whatever else he feels like molding this girl into at the time!

Dressing up can be a lot of fun. This girl always enjoyed it when she was little, but back then she wanted to be princesses and fairies and things like that. How sick and twisted!

The first ‘outfit’ this girl bought to wear for Grimly was the red latex top and skirt that’s currently in the header at the top of the page since she knew it would be to his tastes. Rubber is odd in that it can look very good or very bad just dependant on how well made it is and how much it suits the person wearing it.  This girl is lucky in that she’s had a few custom items made by the boot fetishist and so they fit perfectly.

These days the dressing up is part of the game and something this girl has gotten used to being a small or very large part of the session dependent on what is going on.  Sometimes the play makes wearing nothing (or little) the most appropriate option but then of course other times it can be more erotic to be fully clothed or fully encased and bound but with stuff going on despite that.

One of the big advantages of course is quite often catsuits and things like that hide the wobbly bits, and make pictures maybe more attractive and more sexually implicit than if everything was on show.  Of course, there are outfits that are specially designed also to make bdsm and bondage more appealing and more unusual.

Clothes make the man.

Or girl. Or submissive.

Ultimately that’s the thing, Grimly could make her wear anything he wanted her to.

Though….she would draw the line at Celtic* or Rangers* colours! Thankfully thats a hard limit for him too!

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* for none brits – the 2 Glaswegian soccer teams that dominate the sport in Scotland

The creature revisited

** AKA The holiday pictures you never saw **

Whilst in the company of JG Leathers last week this girl got to see the creature again. This time, its rider/victim being the lady behind Alternative Mindsets* It was very interesting to see someone else in not so much her shoes, as her harness, and quite a turn on too!

The version of the creature used was mainly the leather harness, together with breather bottle and breast cups. So it lacked the added elements of the bouncy garage suspension springs and the electrics, but it looked amazing all the same.

It made this girl think whether she wanted another go of the creature after having tried it twice in Canada, and the way she is thinking at the moment she is hoping that she will have the opportunity but maybe with some adaptations that might be possible with a trans-atlantic collaboration. The first time this girl went in the creature it pretty much shell shocked her. Like being in a machine. Taken, and violently. The second time she was in a much more comfortable position and so it was a much more enjoyable ride. Being in the whine cellar at JG HQ was amazing, but the creature retained its presence this side of the pond also encapturing its new victim just as nicely.

The idea for this girl to dress up as a pony mistress was partly because sunday afternoons pony play was rained off but also because the harness alone is part of JG’s horsewoman interpretation as seen in pony girls at the ranch.

However, this girl found it a bit difficult to get in the role. It might have worked better if it had been outdoors or if she hadnt been in the presence of so many higher skilled dominants.

Sometimes getting into a dominant headspace is difficult for this girl. Well, saying that sometimes getting into the right submissive headspace is hard as well!  This girl has often joked with Grimly how she would quite like to dominate him just once (these fantasies she gets normally involve buggering him) but the joke quickly fades when he puts her in her place. Literally and physically.  Grimly has always said that if anyone was to dominate/top him it would need to be someone that he wouldnt be able to second guess. That he wouldnt be able to see what’s coming, and that would have inventions equal to or madder than his. How many people like that are there? (add to that they would need to be female and attractive) This girl knows that she doesnt fit the criteria for being able to shock him.  He would see everything coming a mile off.

However, this girl can’t blame him. She would be the same if she were looking for another dom or considering one for play. For example, she’s quite happy to play with JG or Captive kink but some random at a club with a flogger and a st andrews cross – no way. In a way this girl feels bad that she’s been possibly spoilt and has a bit of snobbery going on but then in any aspect of life you get use to standards you are comfortable with and want the same or better. That also and bdsm is a sensory adventure, like an addiction always looking for the next rush , the next hit and a mediocre scene in a fetish club just would not meet the bill – it would be like taking paracetamol when you’re used to morphine to use a pain killer as opposed to a paingiver for a metaphore.

Since this girl started playing with Grimly she has felt pretty much inadequate as a dom. In a way thats a good thing because it encourages to focus on her role as his submissive, which is her main passion and her main fantasy. Its maybe also because she compares herself to him, she compares her skills to his and just doesnt feel as though she measures up in that regard. Though, even when she tried to pro dom in a place where the other doms were of equivalent skill she didnt feel right either but then there were other reasons why that didn’t feel right.

This girl never wrote about this before (mostly because of not really being fussed with the blog for the first half of this year too much  and forgetting she had unfinished bits of what happened in Canada – and she doesn’t like to really write much about being dominant – since she really ISN’T) but she did have a rider herself in the creature thanks to JG’s hospitality. The rider shall remain anonymous for now unless of course they should choose to unmask… It was very kind of JG to allow it since he is quite picky about who he allows to use the full ensemble and for that this girl is very grateful.

She is not going to pretend that the rigging was her work because it wasn’t. She was merely the lab assistant and controller once the rigging was completed and it was the absolute full works.

The pressure this girl felt to be in control of the creature was unbelievable. This girl is a firm believe in the importance of safety during bdsm and just the amount of things to be aware of was daunting. Well, you can see the control panel in the picture below. ET312 x 2, vacuum, suction, breath control. The lot. Monitoring all of that whilst having the occupant dangling three metres away and making the occasional convulsion or whimper. It’s not just the visuals of that its the noise as well. The session at the weekend just now didn’t have as much of that. It didn’t have the noise of the vacuum pumping or the breath machines…just the (relatively) more tranquil sound of the bubbler bottle strapped to her. The trick to the thing was working out from the moans and the whimpers what was good pain and what was too much, and what was just sheer overkill.

But you know, the whole thing is kind of overkill. That is pretty much the point, and, both this girl when she was inside it, and her victim, knew what to expect….and got it.

It didn’t stop her feeling guilty afterwards. For helping assist with something that was very much wanted and desired. But she did. The creature is unforgiving, it can leave hints of its tortures on the body afterwards, but then, perhaps no more than the amount that might be left from a good caning. This girl felt bad about that though, as bad probably as when she (accidentally) cut someone who was into cutting. In that case the person quite liked it but this girl felt bad because it hadnt been meant.

This is possibly why this girl does not assume a dominant role too often, since she either feels overwhelmed by it and worries whether she will live up to the person’s expectations, or on the other hand, that little sadistic monster somewhere inside might try to escape – and there most definately is one as poor Maxi the other day found out when this girl kept encouraging Grimly to add further torments to her bondage!

But , these things are of course done out of friendship and to share the adventure.

Hopefully these last few paragraphs dont make this girl feel dangerous, it really is the opposite since she has always taken great care to ensure any submissive she plays with gets what they’ve wanted in a safe and controlled manner – its just sometimes that little sadistic monster wants out!

The rest of what this girl has written about her visit to Canada is here

Guys and dolls

From a very early age, reinforcing gender is subliminally encouraged. Parents and other people still go for the whole little girls in pink and little boys in blue thing. There’s the odd ones that don’t, but for the most part a lot of kids are still dressed in certain colours or encouraged to like certain toys based on whether they are a boy or a girl.

So when this girl was a kid she had her fare share of pink things but not too many, but her toy box was extremely girly. Care bears, my little ponies, your average 80s girly stuff, a life size baby with loads of outfits and a cot. Of course at the time, it was what she was into.

Things change a bit. She became more interested in adventure games, roleplay, pretending to be someone else and fantasizing about  a world of …well…you can probably work that bit out.

Anyway, this girl became more interested in pursuing adventures than she did about pursuing femininity or sexuality. At least at that point. She wasn’t really the sort of girl that was into makeup whilst at school. Or trying to look at all provocative.

When this girl first got into bdsm, crossdressing, gender bending, transsexuality, were sort of weird subjects to get her head round. That there are men out there that are better at femininity than women. That are better at makeup, styling, the lot. Well some.  This girl totally admires the guys who are good enough to pull it off and achieve a look that fits their ‘alter-ego’ or that suits the person they dream of being. Since don’t we all want to be more attractive, more perfect, just…something different. Steffy is such an example of someone who does it well.

By the same token though there are some that are bad. That have chest hairs showing, and wonky wigs and cocks hanging out of frilly knickers. Why bother, why try and achieve your dream so half heartedly. Though thats a good point right there.

This girl knows herself that she could do much better as well. She could be much more feminine for  a start. Much more submissive also.

Though, its one thing knowing you could be better, and actually managing it. Sometimes it is quite  difficult to imagine. When it actually should be very easy!

with STEFFY