30 days of dominance : Day 18

Day 18

There is a common misconception that the submissive partner in a D/s relationship loses the ability to have and express an opinion. How does communication factor into your Dominance and what expectations do you have in terms of your submissive expressing their desires and needs? Is it limited in time, place or manner?

Is there this misconception? I’m trying to think of any submissives that I know that don’t have the ability to express an opinion. No, can’t think of any. I think it’s possible for there to be submissives out there like that though, but I don’t think I see that as a good thing. I think its more likely that there are submissives out there who won’t express an opinion that differs from their dom in public and that I understand more. Though it depends in some ways on what it is on. For instance, on some topics I wouldn’t want to be corrected by someone I was in a D/s dynamic with in public but on other things if it was part of an open discussion I wouldn’t really care if they did ie. on politics or something like that provided their comments didn’t make a fool of me. Though, as far as I can remember that hasn’t happened to me and if it even closely has, I got over it enough at the time not to be bothered now or to remember an example πŸ™‚

Subs don’t stop being individual people. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who agreed with me on everything since I would find it very dull.

It’s a concept that reminds me of this scene from one of my favourite 80s films. I would totally slap the princess as that would irritate me so much. The bathing girls in the movie…not so much πŸ˜‰ I’d let them stay.

I think having different opinions is healthy. I think obviously there needs to be a lot of common ground and agreement in any relationship otherwise it won’t work at all. But to always agree, dull. I was thinking the other day it’s a while since I had a blazing row with Grimly about something, think that’s overdue πŸ˜‰ Let’s face it, fun sometimes to kiss and make up πŸ™‚

Communication is important in relationships, basically they don’t work without it. I think most subbies I’ve played with at least ones that know me well enough are able to articulate what they want and what they don’t want and particularly if something isn’t going well for them. I’d rather someone tell me if something isn’t right or if they want something different, rather than me cause upset or repeat mistakes that could be avoided. Or likewise, by not thinking of something that might be a major fantasy, look, I don’t know if you don’t tell me! I think BDSM is only fun if everyone involved is getting something out of it, so why not speak up if it could be better for you? Doesn’t make sense. I think like in anything, if you don’t speak out or don’t feel like you’re in a situation where you can, it eats you up. Like I had a situation with work last week where I really needed to get something off my chest. I was worried that I couldn’t, turned out actually that I could. A hard thing for me because I do have a tendency to be blunt and I needed to be tactful, but I think on the whole it went OK. However, if I hadn’t said anything I’d have just got more and more upset by it and that would not have been good.

I think communication in all of the relationships I’m in is pretty normal, whether it be with Grimly, Anne O’Malley or whoever. We talk to each other, there isn’t a restriction on when or where or about what, unless of course a gag is involved πŸ˜‰

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