Firstly, my blog is 11 years old today! If you have been reading from the beginning, you’re more of a masochist than me! But, thankyou to my readers for helping give me the encouragement to keep it going this long despite many ups and downs!
Today’s question – Is sexual availability, having your submissive partner/s sexually available to you at any time and in any manner you choose, part of your expectations as a Dominant? Why or why not? Are there acceptable limits to this? If so, what are they?
It depends on the person I’m playing with. On the whole, not. Unless it’s been pre-agreed and discussed that the play might get sexual.
I will never be having sex or carrying out sex acts with male submissives though. For one, I do not want to have sex with any other man than Grimly and for two, I think it is a power game as well. Whilst I think there are ways in which F/m sex can probably be very empowering for the woman, I think its more empowering to say no and for them to want what they can’t have 😉 I don’t have a male submissive though at the moment, nor do I want one. I have friends who are guys who I will play with sometimes, very good friends, and although sometimes the play may be quite sexual or turn them on, it won’t ever include what I’d class as direct sex i.e penetration/oral with me. Apart from anything else, I think BDSM can be about the play and not about a sexual end result. or at least, it can for me and I think a lot of that is about control.
It won’t always be sexual with female play partners either. I play with quite a few people who it either hasn’t been discussed with and so I won’t, or who make it clear they don’t want that, so I don’t. If I’m not sure, I won’t ask usually. The play with girls is generally likely to be even more sexual in nature than it would be with a guy, i.e. insertables, electrics, vibrators, clamps etc. but not always overtly sex. Sometimes it will be more sexual on a later date than the first time, it just all depends. I’m very cautious after once having an incident with a girl where, I felt as though she encouraged me to have sex with her because I was there not because she wanted *me* so I’m very cautious to avoid anyone having feelings like that especially feelings that they might associate with rape, since that is NOT what I’m about, not even remotely. I think it should be clear in what I write that absolutely everything I write about has been fully consensual on the part of the parties involved.
With my ‘regular’ subby I like the idea she is sexually available whenever I want. If I want her to pleasure me at bedtime or if I want to abuse her ass and her cunt with toys as part of a session then I will. I won’t always, and I quite like how turned on she gets just by the thought that I might. She might be a puddle on the floor, whereas I can still be completely dressed and unbothered 😉
I very much enjoy scenes where I’m getting sexual pleasure from it and she’s getting pain, or other stimulation. For instance here, where she’s having to cope with a very powerful vibrator whilst having some issues breathing 😉 I also very much like anal play and having her wear plugs so that I can have her anticipate which bigger toy I might use later. I suppose a very big turn on though is having her very available, very aroused, and very turned on and then teasing her and stopping, or not, depends 😉
I really need to explore this chastity idea more, I think I need to instruct her to buy herself a decent chastity belt, what do you think?