Do you set and enforce structure, rules and limits as part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about the use of structure, rules and limits as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?
I try, but I think I should do more in the way of rules and structure. I think it’s partly because Anne O’Malley live 40 miles apart it’s hard to sometimes enforce rules or ones that work for us both but sometimes I think I should try to do more of that as I think she’d like it. I think I’d like it too. Though, I suppose there’s some rules that seem a bit cliche and wouldn’t work.
There are things we do though, for instance most nights she wears a collar for bed that I got Grimly to make for her. It’s a simple leather collar which has a padlock. Generally, the only times she doesn’t wear it is when she has family staying over or when she’s ill. Otherwise she wears it most nights, which for me I like her going to bed and also waking up feeling owned.
I also tried to set rules for her along a good lifestyle. I think I need to do more to enforce these – a nightly curfew, exercise targets, not using her laptop in bed too late. I think lately, she’s fallen off the wagon with all of this. Like I said, with the distance it is hard to enforce. However, I recently bought myself a fitness tracker so I think I might make her buy one too as I will be able to monitor how far she has worked and roughly how much she has slept with that. I think mostly she is honest though when I check up on her, maybe I need to check up on her more since I think she finds it hard to lie if I ask her direct, but if I don’t ask I wonder sometimes if she tells me fully how naughty she has been!
In addition to the collar, I’d thought it might be fun to make her wear a chastity belt from time to time, but until I find/afford a practical one this is a thing for the future.
There’s a lot of rules that I’ve read about in D/s relationships that perhaps work for some people but I just don’t have the will to enforce or the feeling that they’d work for me. Things like, not being allowed on furniture, dress codes, speech restrictions, things like this.
As you know, I do have the rule though that she isn’t allowed to play with anyone else. A hard limit for me given my jealous and possessive mind.
A few years ago, we did go to a very high protocol fem-don event in the midlands. I enjoyed that, having her having to comply with the rules all the other subs had to comply with was fun. In that setting, subs not being allowed in certain places worked well as it applied to everyone in that role. I suppose its something Id like to experiment with more, Id like to go to more high protocol events as I think that would encourage me to also go with a few ‘standard rules’ and that might be fun for both of us, though sadly there are rarely these kind of events in Scotland.
I don’t think more rules would necessarily make her more submissive though, or me more dominant. But perhaps it would be fun to try and implement more though with a little testing of what works and what feels cliche and silly. Maybe that would help the head space too for both of us, sometimes if I see her and I’ve had a rough week I just want to do vanilla stuff and go out or watch movies and not necessarily play, so maybe if there was more structure it would help me but part of me thinks rules just sometimes makes a fun thing feel like a chore? Well ok, jury’s out. More experimentation needed to see.