I think over the years I’ve made a lot of bad choices. A lot. But, a lot of good ones as well.
I’d say mostly when I’ve made bad decisions it’s because my desire for kink has been the driving force rather than any amount of common sense!
For instance, I chose to meet my ex because I wanted to experience certain things, I chose to meet Grimly for the same reason, and if I’m honest one choice wasn’t really that much more thought out than the other and the consequences were down to well, luck on my part, but really the fact that one man just happened to be more suited to me than the other. But I could have been unlucky again. I could have had one disastrous dom after another and another and another and I’m sure that must happen to a lot of people.
I think finding a compatible and suitable partner is very difficult and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has started something with someone without really perhaps thinking it through. Sometimes over analysing things can be problematic, and probably if I had over analysed the sense in a relationship with Grimly maybe common sense would have ruled against it at some point or other. He didn’t live near me. He was older. He was a bit weird. You know, stuff like that. All the things that sensible parents would have given as reasons for being are you sure? So, facts have proven that sometimes a common sense approach can be absolutely wrong, because I don’t regret what I have with him and I never will. Our relationship isn’t perhaps totally what I thought it would be at the start,because it’s changed, matured, reacted to life circumstances and all sorts of things that can happen over the course of 11 years, but wherever the journey is going he’s who I’m sharing it with.
Anyway, back to what I said about bad relationship choices.My choice to begin a relationship with my ex seriously changed my life. During being with him, I dropped out of University and then moved country (well England to Scotland), and if I’m honest, that was part because I was distracted being suddenly in a controlling relationship, but also because I wasn’t applying myself properly and also had picked the wrong course/career. I’m unsure what the right one would have been since I’ve always been bad at choosing what I want career wise, but I guess at 36 there’s hopefully still time to somehow fix a few of those errors. If I’d chosen a course I would have stuck, then yeah, you know I could be on a much bigger salary but I might also not have ended up moving across the border, in which case I wouldn’t have met Grimly, other people who I’ve met etc. etc. So its hard to know, would I have been happier if the most crucial choices I’d made in life were different? I guess it’s that butterfly effect kind of thing.
The advice I’d give my younger self I suppose would be to think things through and think about the consequences of actions a bit more, but not too much as to lose the bravery and adventure. That’s a fine line I know. I think in choosing a partner to share all this stuff with it’s important to think about things like whether life goals are shared, whether you have things in life to share apart from kink as well and whether at the end of the day there is compatibility. My ex didn’t want to do half the things I wanted and was really only interested mostly in things I didn’t want because I didn’t want them. Does that even make sense? It probably doesn’t to me now. But yes, I think wanting to share the same adventure is a good start for a relationship, or at least having a willingness to compromise along the way.
I think the choices I’ve made since I’ve been with Grimly have been more sensible. I’ve experienced things with many other exciting people. I’ve tried to be careful in only playing with people who I think are compatible with what I do and decent people, and for the most part that’s worked out well. I’ll still make bad choices occasionally in terms of life, part of being human after all, but I think I’ve learnt a lot from the larger mistakes I’ve made. At least I hope so!