Some mothers do ‘ave ’em

I’ve been thinking a lot about my Mum recently. Primarily because a few weeks back she surprised us with a visit, with NO WARNING!

Luckily, Grimly was home and was able to quickly shut the playroom away and tidy up any bits of leather that were lying about,but only just. He didn’t move our artwork though, which includes a picture of me in a straitjacket above the fireplace lol. My mum is quite naive when it comes to a lot of things and didn’t work out it was a straitjacket. Phew! We have an explanation for that ready though of, ‘oh our friends say we were mad to marry each other’ but instead we could get away this time with ‘the artist isn’t good at painting hands’. The problem though , was that she texted pictures of said painting to other family members because she liked it so much …and some of them are a bit more worldly-wise. So, still waiting to see if any of them say anything!

I feel guilty because I didn’t really ‘welcome’ her visit. As much as I love my Mum she’s been difficult recently because *long story* something has upset her and she cannot let it go. It’s gone past the point where most other people would let it go and what could have been a minor annoyance has sort of grown arms, legs, tentacles and breathes flame. Would add, said problem is not anything to do with her wonderful daughter LOL

Anyway, the thing that has been annoying her has sort of taken over her life,and takes over any conversation, even now, almost a year since the start of the saga and really I just don’t know how to deal with it. I think it’s now a sort of mental/emotional health issue, and goodness I’m just not good at dealing with those. Not unless aforementioned straitjacket is involved and a padded cell.

So, I dunno. If she’d found the kink would have been a good thing? Would it have diverted her attention and energies? I don’t think it would really and I’m relieved that didn’t happen. The thing is though, I feel bad that I have to hide this big part of my life from a couple of the people closest to me. I’m going to say this. I’m NOT ashamed of who I am. But I don’t want to push it in the faces of people who would prefer not to know or wouldn’t understand. However, after this ‘close call’ I’ve been wondering what I would say if I am found out. And this sort of that.

I’m NOT ashamed of who I am. I’m quite proud of it, I feel that how I express my sexuality is healthy, I’m not hiding anything away unfulfilled. I like to be tied up and hurt, I like to tie people up and hurt them. Though, I’ve never been hurt in a way that has harmed me , nor hurt anyone in a way that has harmed them. Everything I have done has been with friends and loved ones who’ve wanted to share those experiences with me (apart from the x let’s not go there) No one is to ‘blame’ for the way I turned out. I wasn’t abused as a child, or as an adult and I’ve CHOSEN the people I’ve been with, though credited, some past choices have been let’s say ‘not completely sensible’.

I don’t know what made me want these things, maybe an over-active imagination, compounded by reading too much history and watching too much films. Maybe I just was always going to be like this. I don’t really care though about the why. Me being me has found me the man I love. My soul mate. He is, regardless of all the kinky stuff,the one I was meant to be with. His imagination may have been the initial attraction, but what we have explored together has been amazing. We’ve been to places and met people who in a normal marriage we wouldn’t have. We’ve shared our fantasies with each other and friends without stifling who we are and we make each other happy. I think deep down happiness is the only thing that really matters. We could have equally been a couple into birdwatching, or skydiving, or rambling. But, we’re not those people. I like to think what I’ve written here over 9+  years shows that we enjoy what we do, that we go about it in a healthy manner. I know though that there are people who just would never understand, sadly parents being two! I’d like to think if my parents ever discover ‘this’ they’ll understand I am just still ME and that this side of me has helped my confidence, self-esteem, happiness and so many other things. It’s kind of unlikely though. So for now, my not so guilty secret.

20 thoughts on “Some mothers do ‘ave ’em

  1. I remember when I still lived with my parents, they went out for the WHOLE evening…so I quickly had the girlfriend ( now Mrs KC ! ) bound in latex and ropes ( hey, we don’t use or even like ropes these days ! ) to my single bed……but being somewhat an amateur engineer ( always over engineering the equipment ) I ( thankfully ) removed the door knob and linkage ( that square long bar ) in case my brother/sister returned home and stumbled on a bound and hooded woman tied to my bed ( you get the picture ). Anyway, said parents DID return home very earkly as mum had a headache etc and dad tried the door to my bedroom to let me know they had returned…only to find it disconnected etc. I stuttered an excuse and eventually once the girlfriend had regained her composure and dressed ‘normally’ ( she isn’t a ‘normal’ girl btw – lol ) we went into the living room and before I could offer an excuse, my dadf just winked at us and nothing else was said. Top man. Like ‘this girl’ we love our lifestyle but we really don’t want our parents close friends knowing what we do ( she is a professional and it would have harmed her career etc ).

    You two, keep up the good work…and get those excuses ready as you are well plastered all over the internet and WILL be outed at some time in the future.

    xx KC

  2. You guys are wonderful. If your parents find out and question it, just refer them to me or your other admirers. Well tell em how great you are (both in and out if straightjacket sand things!!!)
    Luv you both for your willingness to share the kinky part of your lives.

  3. Like you TG, I was always very reluctant to reveal my “other”life to my parents. It actually caused a bit of a rift between myself and my mother, because she is the sort who would innocently open a drawer or a cupboard when she came to visit, not even thinking that it was closed for a reason. It got to a stage where I had to say something and it got blown all out of proportion. Then a couple of years ago, we were sat in a pub over dinner, and she was telling me about all the men who were chasing
    her ( she is good looking for her age) and the subject of my hobbies came up, so I took a deep breath. These days, she has not only seen my work, but she is proud of what I do.

    We do sometimes under estimate our parents 🙂

  4. When I was a wee lad, I was taught to ALWAYS let someone know I would like to visit. While I can empathize with your dilemma, you’re not really pushing your life on to others when in your own home. I’m not sure who will be more embarrassed by the texted pictures, you, or your mom when she realizes the part she missed. I hope your mom frees herself from this issue, you might need to consider giving her a –figurative– slap in the face. Sometime all of us need that to open up a different view of the situation. When I was considering suicide many, many years ago, I called a friend in that moment of crisis. He listened carefully for the first couple of minutes, then just casually said “You do realize that it’s 3AM, right?”. At first I was shocked, but it made me begin to think about others, and that broke me out of the vicious cycle my mind had been in. Best wishes to you both.

  5. “The thing is though, I feel bad that I have to hide this big part of my life from a couple of the people closest to me.”

    Bingo! I know exactly how that feels, as a while back I used to live with my parents, and apart from the old “hide all the kinky stuff away” tricks, it got to the point where I couldn’t hide it any longer.

    I actually ended up telling my mum one day that I was into all this stuff. I think she honestly thought I was going to tell her I was doing drugs, or I was gay, or along those lines, so telling her I was into BDSM etc was a bit of a surprise to her… And yet she accepted it without judging me, which was very cool.

    I’m not saying to run and tell people, but gah, I know how the keeping secrets bit feels, especially when it’s a big part of your life.

  6. Sooner or later i suppose…..but maybe best later when with age it does not matter much to her anymore in the big scheme of things…….honestly if as a mother she likes your match in Mr. G., i would expect she would just slough it off as if it keeps him and you both happy….:)

  7. You have many more than eight friends. I hope things work out well but I cannot offer any advice as my parents died not knowing (or at least I don’t think they knew) that I was into self bondage and that I fantasised about being dominated. They might have known that as a child I was into dominating as they took my big teddy bear away because I used to tie it up 🙂 . Since their passing, my interests have developed and deepened and in a way I have found someone to replace their roles in my life. Does perhaps Grimley do the same for you? Probably just phyco babble but maybe worth a quick ponder.
    sissy barbie / Miss Barbie / sometimes Master

  8. I’ve had a few near misses. While my elder son sort of knows I have some special interests, my younger one doesn’t, so when he found some stray rubber bits and pieces about the place it took some explaining! It will be a cold day in hell before I tell mother what I enjoy though.

  9. You might be surprised how cool she’d be with it. I don’t know about your mum, but we went to great lengths to keep our proclivities from my mom and dad. Until Daddy helped us move and a certain plastic locker got dropped. They know. They’re really progressive, in regards to sexuality. As long as we’re safe, it doesn’t matter.

    Though, when one of them is obsessing over something stupid (like my grandmother’s estate and the legal drama attached), I usually make a good distraction. I can always manage to get “sick” or have a plumbing problem. They live for fussing over me and fuss over dumb things without. I have no idea what they’re going to do when I leave to go to law school, lol. You never know if worrying about you provides her the mechanism to get past the old problem, though.

  10. Funny thing about parents and other relatives, especially my Mother-in-Law, may she RIP and God Bless Her!

    i had been married to Hubby! for 3 years and was by then fully His! slave & property. This was back in the late 70s so there wasn’t nearly as much of the “scene” as exists today. my first collar was simply a leather dog collar that had a small padlock on the buckle and a label that said “i belong to Bosk!” as our early Master!/slave life was based on the Gor books by John Norman.

    W/we had moved to the Midwest USA and lived only an hour from His! parents, so i spent time with both of them on many occasions, but really became friends with His! Mom (or Mum as y’all say).

    She was a very perceptive woman, and obviously knew Her son. She also had what we now call a “clothing fetish” in that she had a large wardrobe of corsets and high heel shoes. But they were not due to a “fetish” but the simple fact she had grown up (she was born in 1902) in an era where that was what women wore. So i began asking her about some of the things she had and quickly discovered they (a) fit me, and (b) she wanted very much for me to have them, but only if i wore them on a daily basis!

    It didn’t take long for me to confide in her what i was, i.e. a slave, Her Son’s! naturally. She didn’t bat an eye, and from that time on i confided in Her about my life as “Her slave-in-law” as i laughingly came to be known to her. She used to joke that since it was Her Son i belonged to (and was married to) She technically had an “ownership” stake in me. From that time on, i never tried to hide, conceal, or keep anything from Her!

    i obviously showed my respect and admiration for her and would never do anything in public to embarrass Her, since many of Her friends and other relatives did not know of my lifestyle nor relationship with her Son. And she reciprocated when She was in O/our house as i lived my life as i was expected to do, i.e. how my Hubby!, Master! & Owner! demanded. If i was to be naked, i was naked, and if She came over, i stayed naked! She actually expected me to behave at all times in the manner He! chose, and was quite at ease with it.

    She also had no problem with seeing a cane track or two, as She fully understood i had entered the marriage to Her Son willfully and was fully committed to being His! slave & property, with all that entailed.

    As time went on, i discovered, much to my surprise and delight she wanted me to not only have the corsets & shoes (they amazingly fit PERFECTLY) she had, but she began buying me all manner of new clothing, including shoes and corsets! Even “fetish” things like toe boots, pony boots, thigh high heels boots, leather, and latex corsets, and other clothing. Stockings, garters, you name it, She got it for me. my closet reeked of leather & latex!

    Sadly in 1987 she died and i was devastated as i had lost someone i truly loved and cared for. To this day, nearly 20 years later, i miss Her terribly. As i think back i am sure had She been around when i caused my divorce from Her Son it would not have happened. But i also believe that She was looking down over me when i came to my senses and Hubby! and i were reunited and remarried, and that thanks to Her, O/our marriage is much stronger than ever. She and my Father-In-Law were married for 57 years when She passed away. Hubby! and i now have been together for 43 years, and married for 37 of them.

  11. @slavesusan
    That’s an amazing record and an amazing family. You have been very fortunate. I envy you your openness.

  12. @Carl Gat

    Sir! Thank you for your kind words.

    i have always felt i am what i am, and no matter what that is, being open and truthful about it is a very natural thing to me. i am a masochist slave. i accept that and am at peace with it. After i met Hubby! i became property, His! property. i did that willingly and will full knowledge of what it might entail. i can truthfully say, while there have been bumps in the road from time to time, i don’t regret for one second being and accepting what i am. my Mother-In-Law was the embodiment of accepting me for what i was and never, ever made me feel anything from Her except Motherly love for a daughter She never had. (She had two boys, Hubby! and His! brother.)

    i was blessed to have known Her, regrettably for too short a time, and i do miss Her terribly.

  13. @slavesusan,

    Interesting family story……makes me wonder whether your late MIL was also of similar bent in her own marriage too….

  14. thanks everyone for all your stories, wow definitely people that are more open with families than I can be!

  15. @westfal
    To the best of my knowledge, no. Corsets and high heels we the norm for the early to mid 20th century when she was “courting” as she used to call it. It was what brought us together and she learned about my lifestyle, and came to accept it. To be honest I don’t know for sure, but I’d guess it was not something she revealed to her husband, my Father In Law. I never felt the urge to even ask her. What we had with each other was something very special between “us girls”.

  16. Looking at TG’s comments at the end of last year, and remembering that she was in a transitional phase into a more dominant side to her personality alongside her submission to G, left me wondering whether that might not in part actually be a facet of her submissive side, the act of a perfecting servant, serving her circle with her increasing expertise. I raise this as she usually reviews her year at this time, and it might offer her something to think about.
    These comments about her reticence towards her family are the trigger towards that, asking whether this may be less a dichotomy, two different sides to her personality, as the same story: we write our own agendas in how we face the world, and only open our true inner psyches to those we trust most completely. When we were children, that was our parents, but we are no longer children and find caring a question of maintaining the persona our parents knew and, perhaps, created. But at the same time, they observe us moving into our own person, which is what they, hopefully, always wanted: I speak as the father of a 25 year old daughter. I see her changing as she relates to her circle, which also changes, and that’s normal. As long as she’s happy.
    I’d hope your mum, for example, sees your trust in Grimley developing, and that’s as it should be. It probably also reflects in how she sees the pair of you, the balance in a relationship cannot be hidden, unless you’re shutting her out, which she obviously doesn’t feel is happening, or she’d not have just turned up. She’ll do that again: what would happen, for example, if she were to find you deep in a scenario you can’t safely surface from quickly?
    The best way of raising the subject might be to normalise something indicative in your vanilla lifestyle, introducing the question indirectly. What, I think you had best choose yourself, you know what would open the doors wider rather than have them slammed shut in shock. It’s using that expertise to serve your family, writ slightly more widely than simply your partner, to assure them that although you’re a sub, you’re a sub in control of your subordinacy, which is, of course, what you’re doing as a Dom. It shouldn’t come as a surprise, she’ll already know what Grimley’s character is, and maybe it’ll reassure her, answering the inevitable questions she’ll have observing how the two of you interact. She’s not a maiden aunt, no mother ever is, she knows passion and devotion and that’s the root of this lifestyle. Just more of it and deeper than most.
    One aspect of a fetish lifestyle is that there can be a certain frisson of doing the socially abnormal. You expose yourself to criticism for not being vanilla, and that can be meat and drink to a sub. But having the confidence to move forwards as a Dom, means you’ve mastered that fear, your kink is under your control. What I think this posting is, in part, is a sub’s request tfor the authority to answer the question (if you haven’t already). The only answer, therefore, is to ask the person who can give you that authority what their opinion is.

  17. Nice discussion @Rahere of one’s maturing both in normal and kink life.

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