Roses I suppose are a flower that make me think about relationships and romance, although, to be honest I’ve not really been bought them very often! I suppose perhaps the people I’ve had feelings for just have had other ways of showing affection other than giving flowers 😉 Why is that I wonder???!
Having said that, the title of this post is the name of a song the first guy I ever was in love with used to sing me whilst playing his guitar and when I hear it I still have pleasant memories of those kind of mellow moments of that relationship. For various reasons we were never going to work out though, too different I suppose, so different we drew odd looks from strangers but then, I don’t always think people ‘get’ me and Grimly either. Whilst that first love could do the romance bit quite well, and give me the roses, he couldn’t really give me the thorns too and that’s kind of what I wanted, well, metaphorically speaking.
*If* that relationship had been ideal, so many ifs, but if it it had, and *if* it was just the kink that were missing, maybe I would have still been with him and been one of those people that says ‘my partner just doesn’t get this and I can’t possibly leave them’ but that wasn’t the case so I’ve never had to say that. So, weird as it may sound, I’m glad there were other things wrong with us that I couldn’t blame my lust for kink on its failure but I”m also glad that I’m not still with him since I wouldn’t have experienced the things I now have or met the people I know have relationships and friendships with.
I first went to Grimly’s house a few days before Valentine’s day and the story of that is on this blog somewhere or other, and, on Valentines day, my boyfriend at the time gave me roses. Red. Which, incidentally is not *really* my thing, being a Yorkshire girl. LOL I much prefer white, or failing this, any colour but red! As a joke, and also because I’d seen he’d had the ‘BDSM textbook’ Screw the roses, send me the thorns, at his house, I sent Grimly the thorns from those roses.
As a sort of textbook style book I’m a fan of screw the roses. I need to make some more but I recommend their recipe for ‘cuddling oil’ and I can remember once sat in bed with the book with Grimly reading the page on ‘bdsm stereotypes’ and working out who we knew on the scene at the time that fitted the exaggerated cartoon characters in the book.
As years have gone by, I become more convinced that I don’t fit a stereotype. I used to think it was the ‘ideal’ to fit what a good submissive should be. But honestly? I’ve just never been able to live up to that. I’m not all that obedient, I like control yes, but being obedient or compliant is just not what comes naturally to me. I’m devoted to Grimly yes, and at times I’ve wonder is that because he’s my dom or just because he’s the man I love and over the years I’ve been more and more aware its just the latter. I wouldn’t say that means I didn’t genuinely think what I thought then, or was insincere about what I felt, just that I’ve changed and sort of I suppose got to know myself better, of course, with his help. I’m not the stereotypical dom either, like Grimly, I’m just too laid back for that and from either side i’m just not as full as my own bullshit as the cliched version of a dominatrix. I’m sure you’re not surprised at that. There isn’t a stereotype cartoon in the book for someone who is a gear head and sensation hunter, maybe it needs some sort of amendment for this LOL…but then I think actually, since its published the scene has changed quite a lot. There is much more awareness of different niche kinks, and more talk about it. Fetlife didn’t exist when that book first came out either, just more basic internet forums.
In terms of romance, we probably don’t fit the ‘average’ image of husband and wife either. Our romance is very non traditional, we don’t generally buy flowers or chocolates for each other, but gas masks and latex. Amongst other things at least! We also do so many weird random little things for each other that we don’t think about that maybe don’t happen in other marriages, but also so many that do. I’m just going to wreck now whatever reputation I ever had here and say that if you added up the amount of hours we’ve spent cuddling it would be years more worth of hours than the time we’ve spent doing kink lol.
When I met Grimly I wasn’t really looking for a traditional romance, or romance at all and certainly not for a man that would buy me flowers or expensive gifts. A loving sadist is so much more fun!