Captive audience

As part of question and answer month, Anne O’Malley asked :-

“I have a question which is sort of in lots of parts, it’s about Audience. I am always struck by how honest your blog is- It reads in a way that rings completely true, even more so the better I get to know you which I find really interesting because it can be so hard not to put a gloss on what you are writing or change things because of who might be looking at them.

Who is your blog for? I know when you set out you were writing it for Grimly and you, but has that changed?

How conscious are you of your audience when you are writing? Do you have a specific audience in your head- do you write as if it is just for you, and then people happen to see it, or do you write it to Grimly and let other people look in on it, or are you thinking about all the people who comment and read your blog?

Do you ever change what you write or how you write it because of your potential audience, and if so how? Are you conscious of presenting a particular viewpoint, or of explaining things clearly for people new to kink, or do you just write whatever comes.”

I don’t know. I’m sure its for anyone that wants to read it? Whose attention I can hold long enough? Or at least long enough to read some of the words and not just stare at the pictures.

Grimly bugs me the most when I don’t write it, since I still think he is fan no.1. As cheesy as this may sound, part of me in the back of my mind thinks if anything happens to me he can re-read what I’ve thought about everything we’ve done together about this aspect of our life that we shared and maybe it will be useful or supportive to him and remind him of what we’ve shared and the friends we’ve made together and how much I love the imaginative crazy parts of him.

Sorry, morbid! But to be fair, it is a record of what we (and that includes YOU) and our friends have done and even I like looking back on that. It is, essentially, a diary. Although, a slightly bizarre one.

Sometimes, I’m kind of conscious about who might be reading when I write. In the sense of ‘I won’t write that because XXX might read it’ or just that ‘that is far too personal I’m not putting it out there’ and those kind of things. Nor will I generally write negative things about specific people other than my ex partner (and even then I don’t really mention him anymore) since I could say ‘I hate XXXX’ and another friend might really like them , and then it just gets bitchy and ridiculous.  Quite often I really want to write things like THE WHOLE FUCKING KINK WORLD CAN GO FUCKING FUCK ITSELF I’VE HAD ENOUGH…lol…but usually I delete posts that start like that. Umm. 😉 I edit the angst out. Or at least chunks that when I read them back sound ridiculous and completely irrational.

I suppose how I come across is important to me, words are important to me. I like words and linguistics and am a firm believer of the pen is mightier than the sword. I’m not great at grammar, i’ll be honest about that. I try and write as if I’m talking since I find that the easiest, but proper grammar might not always fit that, though I do make the effort to spell correctly where possible.

I think about those who comment, sometimes I feel I can predict what they might say,and I think particularly of those who might not have commented but have emailed me and told me that they live vicariously through these words and that somethings help them understand or imagine something they might not manage to ever try and I feel I owe something to those kind of people to share. Sometimes its hard though, like trying to explain what  yellow is. Or that kind of thing. Sometimes the easiest way to explain something is to just say well I liked that, why? Because I did. lol

I hope sometimes it helps new people maybe understand that they’re not crazy, that it is healthy to pursue these interests and particularly that its fun with a loving partner (or partners, or friends).

I don’t have any ulterior motive though since I’m not here to make money or gain admirers. If I do , then thats good, but it makes no difference. It makes no difference to me if the stats say 100 or 1000 other than for passing interest. People either like what I write and agree with my opinions or they don’t. I don’t mind people not agreeing or even objecting to some of my opinions like I know a lot of people will object to my opinions about asian call centre staff for instance, but my opinion is formed from experience of that, likewise my opinions of kink are formed from experience that i’ve gained doing what I do. I don’t want people to necessarily agree with what I say, or try to emulate what I do just that from what I say about it they might at least understand it. Whatever I write about whether it be kink or anything else, I try and write as though I’m speaking to someone who disagrees or who doesn’t understand the subject, I don’t know maybe i have a stupid debate going on in my head.

Usually, I win those. Not always. Specially not the debates along the lines of ‘am I too ill to go to work today’ lol.

5 thoughts on “Captive audience

  1. you hit many of the reasons people hope you continue on as long as you can. It is historical to document highs and lows, it is a way to help us that can’t live the life know of the life. It counsels, cajoles, and inspires. All pretty salient reasons to remind you there is value and worth to your documenting of your trials and tribulations..

    Some of your best posts have been when the filter is off and the thoughts are raw and exposed. I’m sure Grimly likes to hear those as well good or bad, because even if they are things you might not say out loud, they meet the criteria of honest and genuine this way. One of the hardest things to know in this type of extreme bondage, is what is going in deep inside a fully encased, unable to respond coherently sub. You have let us hear those thoughts that even Grimly can’t see. Sub space by its nature creates memory and time space issues, so even remembering small details and snippets of conscious thought through the sunspace haze is enlightening. You have done this amazingly well. Hopefully we get to hear more of those inner voices as time goes on.

    A final note to miss Anne o’Malley who proposed this question. You have let little of these same thoughts be expressed in a forum either here or in fet life about these feelings and sensations in you. Please consider finding a way to express them. Follow your mistresses lead here in more ways then one.

  2. thanks for the comment Tim 🙂 Anne O Malley won’t be expressing her views here since its MY blog. That’s like someone else writing in your diary, it doesn’t work for me.

    I don’t have a problem with her starting her own. She does actually write quite a bit on fetlife though!

  3. Thank you for the answer, I think you do all the things you hope to, in presenting the lightness and fun of BDSM and making it accessible to new people, as well as providing a record and a recount. I know I like to look back sometimes at the happenings through time.

    Tim one of the reasons I asked the question is because I don’t think I would be capable of reflecting on my experiences with the kind of honesty and openness (or readability) that thisgirl manages. I would be either stiflingly aware of my audience and say nothing, or I would ignore them altogether and write without any kind of filter. I couldn’t publish anything so raw where others could see it. Only people I trust deeply would be privy to that kind of reflection.

  4. You have a good teacher that is for sure. would be interesting to hear your”side” after a long session in ways that thisgirl does for Grimly. If you still need some assistance and want a ghost writer. thisgirl does have my email Anne 😉

  5. Thanks for the offer Tim, I meant raw as in exposed and vulnerable, rather than as in badly written. My sentiment is not that I couldn’t find the words for my experiences – though sometimes I can’t! But that I wouldn’t be open to sharing them in this way because I’d feel too vulnerable. For me, what I do with Mrs Feendish, and how it makes me think and feel is very private. I want to tell the world about it a lot of the time but at the grand level of “you should know that this person is AMAZING” but not with the kind of detail I know you would enjoy reading. I also really love it when she writes about things that we have done together so it isn’t about the invasion of my privacy. It’s more that I trust her judgement about what to share, and knowing it was something she wanted to write about makes me proud and happy in a way that outweighs my shyness about it being ‘public’.

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