Your kink is not my kink …

A wicked wednesday post – the theme this week is YKINMK – Your kink is not my kink 

Not everyone is kinky, and not everyone who is kinky or into any aspect of BDSM is necessarily into the same thing there’s just so many different ways of doing BDSM it would be impossible to like them all it would be like enjoying every kind of food the same. There’s things this girl eats that she loves, other things that are well you know okay, and also things that sometimes she’ll eat just because its one of Grimly’s favourite meals…like pork and mash. See a man can be uber kinky but boring with cuisine, just goes to show 😉

Anyway, perhaps thats a bad example but what this girl is trying to say is its very rare for a person to like everything to the same degree, and somethings just aren’t digestible.

Not everyone over the years has understood this girl’s kinks and that’s OK. Some of it is weird, some of it is wonderful, some is just odd, but its fantasy right? It’s supposed to be like that. It’s the weird dark stuff that comes out of her imagination and that of the man she loves and the thing is it  makes this girl happy. Take a look at the pictures and see how many of them have smiles 😉

Sometimes this girl has got hate mail. Or hate comments. Telling her that she is sick, or that she should be doing something ‘more worthwhile’ with her life.  She’s quite happy with her life though, and with the friends she’s met by being kinky.

Sometimes people who are into BDSM don’t get the kind of things she does. For instance, not everyone likes rubber, or electrics or gas masks or whatever it might be. Not everyone has to like it though. Respect is nice and courtesy, but they don’t have to like it and might never. This girl can live what that though.

There are fetishes this girl doesn’t like, things like rope and needles just are not her thing. She doesn’t have anything against anyone that likes that though, although she might tease the ropey people a little but with that accepts being teased back 😉

The ‘your kink is not my kink’ idea goes on to suggest ‘but its okay’. In honesty, this girl agrees with that about 90%. There are elements of bdsm she doesn’t practice since there are things that don’t float her boat…or Grimly’s, but there are things that she has come across as well that just can occasionally strike her as being wrong and harmful or non consensual.

This girl will accept most kinks as being ‘okay’ if all the people involved are consenting and are aware of the risks involved. Some of the fetishes written about on fetlife though don’t always suggest that to be the case. For instance a while back she commented on a  thread about fucking with knife blades. She can’t remember what she said exactly but her comment was shot down for not being accepting of it. It would be nice and utilitarian to be accepting of everyone and everything they do, but the things is if we applied that same theory to society in general we’d be accepting of all kinds of crime and social issues and politics i.e. ‘your politics aren’t my politics but thats okay ‘  doesnt work, because this girl is quite certain than the politics of the SNP are not okay!*

So when is your kink okay when is it not?

it’s not really for any one person to decide, certainly not this girl. She has her own spectrum of things she likes, things she doesn’t like, and other things that the suggestion of causes her moral, legal or ethical concern. The way this girl deals with that is to avoid any groups on fetlife or websites or people that might be over her lines on that. She doesn’t want to be accepting of everyone, it’s too naive, but she doesn’t want to put herself in conversations where she might come across as judgemental or hypocritical and its possible of course there are things that this girl does that other people probably look at and don’t think that are ‘okay’. However, if that does happen, she’s more than happy for people to discuss and say things that might change her mind or opinion of something, in the case of the knife blade fucking, if someone had said ‘well actually its safe to do this if you do xyz and its hot if you do it like abc’ then maybe that would have changed her mind, instead they laughed at her for voicing a concern as to whether it was safe, which to her seemed a justifiable concern to raise.

This girl would like to think that she portrays her kinks as being imaginative, creative and acted out with the implication risks have been thought out, and that fun has add by all and that no one has suffered any lasting harm or emotional damage, and that most people would accept that as being a sort of way of being OK, but if not, then well,it makes no difference really. This girl is satisfied that what she does is OK, and not causing any issues for her or anyone she plays with, and at the end of the day the opinion only matters of those you immediately affect.

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* that is a joke by the way, seriously if you want to vote for the snp and Scottish Independence go for it, this girl just questions your sanity thats all 😉

7 thoughts on “Your kink is not my kink …

  1. I totally agree with your stream of thought. In the BDSM world there is space for everything LEGAL. But no-one can accept everyone to accept everything. Like you I have seen stuff on FL that I heartily dislike and that I think displays psychological disorders which are plain harmful and/disgusting. But I tend to pass those by and avoid comment. If I knew the persons in real life I might well comment, but in private, not in a public forum. If the behavior is obviously illegal, it may be OK to raise the issue publically.
    I guess the reason I love to read your material is because it seem your and Grimly’s values mesh well with mine. Thanks again for your excellent blog and FL pages.

  2. For me it is about consent… if the people involved are consenting adults then it is not my place to judge what makes them tick… but consent it absolutely the key. If all parties are consenting, even if it is not my kink or even if I find it challenging to understand, it is still not my place to say they are wrong. That way brings judgements that are based on my kink and morals and means that if I do that to them then people have every right to do it to me… and I don’t believe that they do


  3. I totally agree that we cannot accept and like everything, because we are all different people and it is fun that we are not all the same. As long as there is consent, like Molly said, it’s good and then we should learn to respect others, like we want them to respect us too.

    Rebel xox

  4. Yep, safe sane consensual … all key to me. I love my kinks, but if the kinks are fully consensual then there are few things I would not be open to trying. 😉

  5. Very well thought out and constructed post! Safe, sane and consensual as well as good and open communication is key!

    ~Mia~ xx

  6. Well written and relevant read as reading through FL does bring these thoughts up sometimes, and with activities that make needling, etc. look like a walk in the rose garden so to speak. Yes for consensuality with all things but what about that whole CNC thing where one consents to non-consensuality and all and for those very heavy M/s relationships wherein it sounds like non-consensuality is a hot button for both partners-??….

    Also as i have learned a bit the hard way from my more reckless youth in the scene, with consensuality one must have it informed which is everyone’s responsibility so i would add that informed consent is the full and proper kind.

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