As part of March Question and Answer month Sven asked :-
“How do you begin a Session and who initiates ist? From my relationship I know that it can be a struggle. Both must have the time, must be in the mood, should have a “free mind” (no stuff to worry about or to take care of that constantly goes around in your mind).
My second question might be a little more intimate
How does sex and kink play together for you? Or to rephrase the question does each of your session and with one (or both) of you having orgasms and be sexually relieved?
Or is the kink itself satisfying enough for you?”
Sven, you are quite right for bdsm to work at its best then both parties need to be fully in the mood.
A few times play has commenced here and it has been realised that one person or the other isn’t quite in the mood and it is therefore agreed to stop. Grimly and this girl have both long realised that there are plenty of days, months and years to have fun together so why push for it to happen on an off day. Whereas, when both this girl and Grimly are in the mood its fireworks and a lot of fun. For this girl it just doesn’t seem worth while if its half-hearted.
Usually this girl and Grimly are quite honest with each other about being in the mood (or not) or can read each other and tell but obviously its only human to sometimes want to please your partner anyway but whenever play happens when both aren’t completely into it something usually goes wrong or weird. For instance a few weeks ago this girl was sort of half and half about playing, Grimly wasn’t sure either, so she got dressed up and by the time she had she looked at him and said ‘you’re not really in the mood are you’ and despite her being dressed in latex he was quite happily watching Dave, so he didn’t really need to answer. It’s a bit odd when one’s partner is more interested in Jeremy Clarkson 😦 To be fair to Grimly he’d had a long day, this girl had thought dressing in rubber might spark him up and also spark her up as well, but sometimes it just doesn’t, when its been a long day and also a school night!
So, perhaps this sort of note spoils the fantasy some of you might have, but really and truly, life does get in the way and sometimes latex doesn’t cut it and a cuddle on the sofa in front of the tv is just as appealing.
As a result of these minor epic fails, usually this girl and Grimly make sure with each other that they are both in the mood for play. Lately neither has been in the mood much, for this girl, her job is usually busier and more stressful during the winter (please don’t ask questions about this girl’s job they wont be answered) and Grimly is currently busy with a work project of his own so you know sometimes life is just like that. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong, just that it isn’t kinky.
Usually Grimly initiates play though, since bdsm requires the top/sadist/dom to do that. This girl can’t exactly tie herself up (nor would want to she isn’t into self bondage at all). Sometimes this girl will give him ideas of things that she’d like to do ,but he doesn’t always do them that day or that month or that year even lol. The alphabet series was sort of this girl’s idea as a concept but its Grimly’s imagination and cunning that makes it happen.
When this girl and Grimly play it doesn’t always lead to sex. It sometimes does though. Usually though the sex is after the play rather than during if it is actual ‘sex’. It’s quite common for this girl to have an orgasm during play with Grimly since part of what he likes to do as a dom is to ‘inflict pleasure’ so usually if he gives this girl an orgasm it is more than one and close to being too many. Unless you are a girl it’s probably hard to understand 😉 but there is a point when orgasming over and over is quite exhausting and overpowering!
Grimly doesn’t usually orgasm during play, since he likes to keep in ‘dom space’ and he says that is difficult because for a guy having an orgasm sort of makes you want to stop not too long after and he gets more from the cerebral sadism and the fun of the bondage or the fun of whatever else he is doing.
This girl doesn’t really like having an orgasm with anyone else she plays with since its something she likes to just share with Grimly, and besides, its difficult for it to happen when he has implanted an orgasm trigger in her head. More on that on past posts, and will re hash that topic again soon given there has been a question about that 🙂