Asking for trouble

The subject and inspiration of this weeks Wicked Wednesday post is assumptions…..

Everyone is guilty of assuming certain things sometimes instead of actually asking questions to find out the right answers.

This girl has been in a few kink situations over the years where she has made incorrect assumptions and where other people have assumed things about her. Regards the latter, people will probably always make assumptions about this girl – it’s what people do – even if that’s just things like – ‘oh she must have a really kinky life all the time’  – that one , well it just isn’t true. In secret this girl has a pretty normal average life this stuff is just the sprinkles on the cake!

This girl would like to try and assume less about other people because she’s guilty of that too. Though its difficult to try to do that, since it is natural human nature to not ask things first, especially when it a might be an awkward or shy situation.

One of the kink situations that springs to mind is that once this girl was at a fetish club and a Domme asked her if she would play. This girl was quite new to bdsm at the time and was therefore flattered someone other than her partner was asking so of course said yes (the girl was pretty after all). Anyway, it was a noisy club and to be honest there wasn’t the ability to have much of a conversation there so limits and such weren’t really discussed other than this girl was asked ‘can you take it hard’ and she replied yes to that. That was an assumption right there. She assumed her definition of ‘hard’ was the same as the other persons. It wasn’t! As a result it hurt a lot, and wasn’t really all that much fun. With hindsight this girl should have asked to see what toys would be used, or asked a few other pertinent questions to see if play compatibility was there, but really that is just the benefit of hindsight.

It’s easy perhaps to make assumptions though over commonly used kinky words too, if someone says they associate with being a slave than perhaps that sort of thing conjures up certain images or expectations. Though your idea of a slave and theirs might not be the same and there’s just no way of knowing unless you ASK and communicate.

On another occasion before this girl met Grimly she was working in a dungeon premises as a professional submissive and was sort of also playing with one of the ladies there inbetween clients. The mistress had left her in the cage in one of the chambers wearing very little and one of her male dom friend’s came into the room. The mistress wasn’t with him. He spoke quite crudely and objectively to this girl since to him she was just *a* slave and he was just *A* master and so he had the right to do that. He made an incorrect assumption because this girl has never and would never sub to anyone without agreement beforehand and being satisfied there was compatibility. As a result she told him she wasn’t interested in how he was speaking to her and afterwards he actually phoned the mistress and apologized for being rude. Maybe if this girl had been aware he was coming into the room and been informed before hand by the mistress of the dungeons that she would have to stay in role in front of the visitor she would have done but it hadn’t been agreed. Maybe more than one person made assumptions there.

Sometimes though how something looks isn’t exactly what it is. Just because someone is nearly naked in a cage doesnt mean they want to be objectified by anyone other than the person who put them there. Or likewise, if someone is clad in rubber and thigh high boots it doesn’t mean they want to tie up every guy either. Appearances are the greatest cause perhaps of assumptions being created, since it’s just so easy to think something is what it looks to be when it just might not or not to the extent assumed.

The thing this girl has learnt over the years is that absoutely the most important thing is communication since without that then one or more people might be losing out since if you don’t share and express your feelings and fantasies how will they become reality?

Being able to communicate about this stuff is just priceless and having someone that wants to listen to  your hopes and fears is worth a lot more than someone who will just assume that because you look sexy and available that you’ll be a good time. You might, but unless you let a little more away by talking then really it’s just selling everyone short and might lead to an experience that isn’t all it could have been.

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9 thoughts on “Asking for trouble

  1. Great bit of writing and wisdom. It goes life in general if communication is not there you miss out on so much. What does the girl was pretty after all mean. In my humble opinion I think you are still pretty.

  2. so very true, looks can be quite deceiving and misleading, especially in the BDSM world. A sub to one might snap on a different dom that walked up and tries to be forceful with her (ummm yeah my sub is kind of outspoken and will back a dom down). Though when things have been negotiate and all parties are in compliance its all good and she will bottom to others. Like you said it is all assumptions just because she wears my collar but that collar doesn’t make her public property where in some circles it would be a sign of being available for play.

  3. Communication definitely is the key, especially in kinky situations. And just like you, I am guilty of assuming too… but I try my best not to assume.

    Rebel xox

  4. Appearances are the greatest cause perhaps of assumptions being created, since it’s just so easy to think something is what it looks to be when it just might not or not to the extent assumed.

    This, absolutely! Great post (and love your header image – that straightjacket is gorgeous on you).

    xx Dee

  5. Like Dee said, the straightjacket is gorgeous. It’s something I want to try but S doesn’t (just yet, hopefully, as he’s having too much fun with rope).

  6. Thanks keith, I meant the girl asking me to play was pretty, but thanks for saying so 🙂

    Molly thanks for your comment 🙂

    l0rdraven, sounds like you have yourself a lovely lady 🙂

    Rebel, I’m going to try harder not to especially after sort of thinking about it a lot when writing this.

    Dee, thanks for your comment on my post and the picture. I love straightjackets of all kinds

    Anna, I am sure he wioll come to love them in the future, so many things still to explore i still have loads i want to try that i haven’t 🙂

  7. This is one of the reasons I won’t play with people I don’t know… unless the communication is there, I just can’t do it.

    ~Kazi xxx

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