The tracks of my tears

The subject and inspiration of this weeks Wicked Wednesday post is ‘tears’ – tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of laughter… what sexy memory or fantasy comes to mind?

This girl has cried a lot over the years, probably most of that was at school since she hated it and was bullied. Crying never helped though with hindsight since it just seemed to encourage the bullies rather than stop them. Has being bullied and being soft as a kid affected this girl as an adult though? Damn no. She wouldn’t give the bullies the satisfaction of that!

In a relationship context this girl has cried over men and over women too for that matter. Over mistakes she’s made, over arguing, over being hurt by them, over breaking up, it’s part of life that sometimes that happens. Though she read this quote by Eisenhower that has a big element of truth to it :-

“No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won’t make you cry.”

Grimly has never done anything that has made this girl cry for long. Petty arguments yes but bad stuff that causes hurt and hours of tears, no, and he would never. The first time she cried in front of him it wasn’t even because she was upset, it was more because she was happy and on the whole he has given her more tears of happiness and elation than he has of sorrow by at least hundred times over.

The first time she cried in front of him was when she was sat on his bed and said to him ‘I’ve met the man of my dreams and it’s you. I love you’ and honestly it was probably with hindsight the first and only time she has ever been or ever will be truly in love and that is a powerful and emotional thought. Some people would say well sure how do you know? Sometimes you just know. There have been times like that when she has been blissfully happy and yet crying uncontrollably, obviously the wedding is a good example of that. Crying at weddings though is just allowed. Even for boys 😉

This girl and Grimly have shared sadder times and bereavements and letting that out and sharing it together has got them through that. This girl can remember a traumatic weekend Grimly had and him arriving on her doorstep and tears and all she wanted was to make the cause of the problem go away and she just couldn’t. Knowing you can’t fix something that is making a loved one unhappy is just one of the most difficult things ever but it’s important to just get through that together. This girl and Grimly have had many tears of joy together as well as sorrow.

The thing is though, this is a kinky post, and yes, sometimes, this girl has cried during play.

With Grimly that has usually only been as a result of extremely large multiple orgasms. That is a nice sentence to be able to write 😉 Often it is very hard for this girl not to cry a little when she is having a massive orgasm, or to be quiet for that matter. (at this point it is worth being thankful for not living in a flat with thin walls). It’s just some of those bodily reactions she can’t control and wouldn’t want to. That’s not to say its like that every single time, but if it’s an orgasm that’s been stimulated by bondage and pain and sensory deprivation then it’s usually a given.

She has also cried once or twice when a session has just sort of totally overwhelmed her, like when she tried the Creature (over at JG Leathers’ place in Canada). That freaked Grimly out a little since he thought it meant she wasn’t okay, though that wasn’t the case at all it was just a matter of being emotionally and physically overwhelmed and losing control. That is sort of part of the idea of the creature though because control is supposed to be taken and turned into something mechanical and robotic and not at all human. Sometimes at times like that things just need to slow down a little so she can regain some feeling of control of her own body, even if it’s just momentarily 🙂 Crying during play isn’t necessarily bad, this girl would like to think if she ever cried because it was bad and she wanted to stop that she would say first or that it would be picked up that things were not right.

She has played with people who have *tried* on purpose to make her cry during corporal punishment roleplay. This girl has  mentioned before she used to do spanking photo shoots and video and sometimes it happened during that. She never faked that sort of reaction though, it was only if the physical impact sort of lead to it and she got into the head space of the ‘character’ and felt it. It was sort of a combination of having something physical to react to and sort of feeling the role. It’s really hard to explain perhaps unless you’ve done that kind of role play. It’s sort of something to do with feeling as though it’s real.

Anyway, this girl also did spanking 1 on 1 sessions with guys in private too. There was one particular one that really liked her showing remorse and crying. However for this particular guy she really didn’t want to. She sort of felt obliged a little since it was a paid session, however, it was perhaps part of the role play subconsciously that he tried hard to make her feel sorry and in pain and that she would rebel and hold out. That sort of thing is potentially kind of dangerous because the pain just got heavier and heavier. Though to be honest, though it sort of annoyed her in the end it was still hot on a lot of levels. The fact he had to get into the dominant role quite strongly and be quite firm physically before getting that reaction probably made the sessions more believable to him too.In the end though it just felt wrong investing that level of emotion in someone who wasn’t Grimly.

What this girl is trying to say really that she wants him to be the one who causes her tears of physcial torment, orgasm, exhilaration and ecstasy and to share those good times and bad. Whilst other people might sometimes share her tears or cause them he’s really the most qualified to kiss them better afterwards 🙂

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8 thoughts on “The tracks of my tears

  1. What a fantastic bit of writing! I have heard the quote before but did not know who it was from. I am a very emotional person with tears. Sham you were bullied at school, its so evil what bullies do. My son was bullied by 4 wimps school. Next day he got 2 of the twats by themselves and sorted out the problem. If you hold your emotions in it will make you ill.
    Hugs Keith

  2. I cry from intense good feelings as well, if they overwhelm me, and during fisting, for some reason, but seldom because of pain. Thank you for sharing!

  3. Sometimes you just know when someone is right for you… I feel the same.

    Thanks for sharing this piece of beautiful writing 🙂

    Rebel xox

  4. tears have so many different ways they can come about, this is a beautiful way of showing them. thank you for sharing.

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