As part of March Q&A Month, DJ asked :
“How do you start a session he asks you, you ask him ?”
This is one of those questions that really the answer is ‘it depends’ 😉
Grimly and this girl have now been playing together in total more than eight years. So whilst sometimes this girl initiates things and sometimes he does mostly it’s actually by mutual initiation since its obvious to one when the other is or isn’t in the mood. That’s an important thing with BDSM – both people need to be in the mood or it just isn’t fun.
In the past this girl has sometimes tried to play when she’s known deep down that she wasn’t really wanting to and on those occasions just develops obvious crankiness and ends up mucking it up anyway. It’s not worth doing that. Play doesn’t have to be today, there is a lifetime for it 😉
Before Grimly and this girl lived together (as in pre 1 year ago) play seemed actually easier to get started. Since, there was a bit more pressure but fun pressure i.e.she’s with him this weekend – therefore – need to do something! Also, travelling 200 miles on a bus or a train or by car to be with the kinky man she loves sort of got her head thinking about it and it was sort of like a transition. Also perhaps from his side of things because he’d waited a few weeks perhaps since the last time then he was generally in the mood too.
Now it is so much harder to find the time! There is always something else happening! Someone coming over to play (in which case perhaps its them that initiate it? lol), going to some event, work, family, housework everything else happening that whilst kink stuff is sometimes going on its not necessarily with one another lol. Perhaps this last twelve months has just been odd because for the first time in a long time Grimly and this girl have been able to have a normal marriage and also be sociable with other people, so, sh’es not really complaining about not having much time to play with him , since it’s still on the menu, it can happen any time and hopefully she has decades of time to play with him.
Though again to answer the question mostly now its by mutual agreement that’s not to say that’s always verbal sometimes it will be a glance, sometimes it will be a spank or a pull of the hair or whatever else, but in general this girl and Grimly are pretty good at reading when the feeling is right 🙂 Probably something would be far wrong if after all this time they couldn’t 🙂 Sometimes the effort is made to try to plan it in advance like this girl had hoped there might be some time for play this sunday, and then well, she got a bug 😦 Such is life! There’s always some stolen moment coming along somewhere!