Following a local munch at the weekend there has been a bit of discussion on fetlife about drinking at BDSM events and drinking related to BDSM in general.
What happened at the munch was that someone who looks under 25 was asked for ID to prove they were over 18 and didn’t have it so were asked to leave, as the venue was a pub. They then complained on Fetlife that most BDSM events locally cater more to people who want to drink than those that don’t.
The fact is most munches do occur in pubs in the UK. Although, some areas do have munches that aren’t including ones in cafes or munches that focus on doing other things like board games. Locally we might even be having a ‘trip to the seaside’ munch 😉
The reason for this is probably just because its one of the easiest types of place to be anonymous. To be sat in a group of people talking about all sorts (not necessarily always kink) and that if spotted by another party who isn’t kinky then its easy to say ‘oh i’m out with these other friends’ or something like that. It’s also an easy environment to reserve an area large enough to hold a munch without too many issues or costs.
The first ‘known’ munches apparently occurred in burger restaurants and that’s where the term came from. Though, in this country trying to arrange a munch in a McDonalds or Burger King would be awkward given the number of children who might be present and who could potentially overhear adult conversations. Another factor that makes pubs a more favourable choice of venue especially at evenings.
Should people drink alcohol at munches? Well, that’s a choice that’s up to the individual as an adult. If this girl goes to a munch that she doesn’t know many people at sometimes one drink might help to relax the nerves since this girl gets nervous in social situations that involve big groups of strangers. In other situations she’s confident, but that is one she finds difficult. However, getting legless in front of fellow kinksters? Not something she really wants to do! This girl knows after more than about 3 drinks she’s not completely all there, so why be like that in front of people who she might want to forge friendships (or more) with?
At clubs this girl very rarely drinks at all especially if play either as top or bottom is anticipated it just blurs too many edges. Some people might argue that one drink is nice to relax the nerves in those situations too – but if you need drink to relax you around a play partner are they the right play partner then for you? Or is there another reason present creating nerves? When this girl plays she wants to be completely *there* and also able to communicate with whoever she is playing with (verbally if necessarily and also non verbally) she wants to still be vigilant especially when topping.
This girl gets a bit irritated by people getting outrageously drunk at clubs, especially if they are directly annoying to her like in her face with their drunkeness. Again though, it’s their choice, but it’s also this girls choice to rule out wanting to play with them or wanting to speak to them in that condition in extreme cases.
This is one issue with clubs – they are a mix of a play and social environment. Some people want to take the play seriously, some people want to socialize, some people want to get dressed up in their finery and have a good time which may or may not involve drink, some people want a mix of all of that.
The only way round that is to have some clubs that are more specific in what they are catering for rather than trying to keep everyone happy. Is that a good idea? This girl can’t answer that maybe in big cities it would work if there are enough events for everyone to have something they enjoy 🙂
In any event, this girl does not mix drink with play and doesn’t like getting drunk at bdsm meetings and that is just personal choice. It’s also though the personal choice of the party animals to be that way as well. Maybe its worth considering though how that behaviour might look to a potential partner and whether it would attract them to you or turn them off.
Personally this girl would not consider a dom who is making an idiot of himself by not handling the amount of drink he’s had, or a sub either for that matter. Maybe its a bit snobby but she likes her play partners to be a bit classier than that 😉