Taking the rough with the smooth

First of all to anyone still reading out there thank you for sticking around 🙂 

Lately this girl hasn’t really had the inclination to write here , but she doesn’t want the blog to vanish either since it’s just really a matter of getting back into the habit of it really and writing is one of those things that this girl either finds easy and the words flow off the page or one word sticks on the screen for half an hour all by itself. For that reason this girl has never forced herself into too regular a blogging schedule since she doesn’t want the words to read as though they’ve been sort of forced out at gunpoint 😉

Life as usual is taking interesting twists some of which have been anticipated others haven’t.

Grimly and this girl have not really engaged much recently in a D/s or play sense and its hard to really know what points of the relationship are a normal loving marriage and which bits are slightly D/s ish as  a result its lead to both Grimly and this girl to perhaps doubt whether Dom/sub are even the right labels for their relationship. Not that labels are important, they aren’t but sometimes they’re useful in trying to sort of explain what this part of life is about to someone. Its important to say here it doesn’t mean anyone is any less happy just that at the moment Grimly being dominant and this girl calling herself a submissive which is in honesty like perhaps calling a fork a knife, it will cut food but it won’t do it very neatly or efficiently by itself unless its perhaps a particularly lovely cake and that is sort of how this girl is feeling about trying to be submissive at the moment. Of course it shouldn’t be about trying to be anything, generally you either are something or you’re not…and perhaps she’s well, not.

Well most people go through these sort of self-doubt moments  and perhaps its one of those, but in any event an adult conversation has been had about the subject to the point where the agreement is pretty much ‘we love each other and we love being kinky together it might just not be in the same way as we thought it was’.

Somethings however remain pretty clear, this girl and Grimly’s feelings for each other aren’t any less than they were last week or last year or four years ago.  This girl is most definitely a masochist. Grimly is most definitely a sadistic. He likes controlling her, she likes being controlled and on a very basic level thats a start. In addition to that lately this girl has pretty much come to the  conclusion she wants to explore being dominant a lot more, being sadistic to people is one thing (and good fun) but being dominant is a bit deeper than that so that is something she’s going to explore a bit more, so for a while this blog might be more an SM one and a dominant one than a submissive one but  its honest real feelings and thats really all you need to know.

Whilst it may be sort of out of chronological sequence of whats gone on lately, yesterday this girl and Grimly had a friend over who insisted this girl was the evil one, compared to Grimly given both Grimly and this girl were being top at once.  As if!  However,  some people do say women are more sadistic than men, and particularly ones that know what certain things feel like. Well perhaps that’s true.

In the past this girl saw most of her style as a top/dominant /label of choice as being more sensual and about giving the person a sensual and erotic experience. That still applies but lately with one or two people its gone a bit darker as well. Last week this girl got to participate in a kidnapping scenario with someone and realised that slapping a blind folded girl across the face and seeing the girl gasp and then smile was something she was unexpectedly aroused by having not really been into that sort of thing before.  The kidnapping victim liked it particularly rough and given this girl and two men were being pretty nasty the victim seemed to enjoy herself and perhaps was not really  that much of a victim but then the idea of course of consensual kidnapping is that they never are. Rough play is a pretty hard thing to do though, its a fine line between knowing how rough is rough enough and how much is too much and going past the line well like any bdsm play really.

Its just so so important to try and read people and adjust or stop a scene if something is going wrong even if they won’t say so themselves, its a lot of pressure actually but it doesn’t make it less worthwhile or less fun.

Well important to of course to communicate with your partner when one thing isn’t working but another does.

So really for now watch this space, its really anyones guess what might happen next 😉

11 thoughts on “Taking the rough with the smooth

  1. Re: Not updating very often, that’s absolutely fine! You should only update this blog when you feel like it. If you don’t have the inclination to write, don’t force yourself. But there’ll always be people here to read it when you do.

    As for changes in what you’re into, that’s fine too. Few people’s sexuality stays the same throughout their lives. If you feel you want to experiment more with being dominant, by all means do it! It’s your life, after all.

    Good luck with everything, and have fun!

  2. Wonderful to hear from you again and please don’t worry about your silence – my own blog has been hideously neglected too recently.

    Thank you for “saying it as it is”; our scene could do with a lot more people who see things with such honest vision and intelligence.

  3. we have been thinking of you, it is absolutely right to do things at your speed. we’ve been married since 1989 and the amount of time spent in full on fetish in that is in absolute terms minute, BUT when it happens, it happens, out comes the Straight Jacket, the harnesses, shackles, the chastity belt, the whips, bags of rubber. The real thing is that you’ve started the long haul and who knows, you married in a church, you might be doing this for eternity…………………

  4. I hope you don’t stop posting, I’ve reached an age when I realise I cannot fulfil my daydreams due to non -understanding families, but how you keep the mix between family and alike friends must be difficult so I’m curious to follow. Will Grimly allow you to be top maybe of others but would you want to top him?

  5. Good luck figuring out what label to use… or not. Besides, who cares what label you give yourself? You are what you are, and that’s the important bit.

  6. Yes good luck. If we stayed the same wouldn’t life be boring! Go and explore other parts of your personality and do not worry about the blog. When you have something to say, blog it but there is no need to force the words out, its not like we have paid a subscription is it. If you wander far from what interests me I might stop reading but I am sure there are plenty of others who will start reading it because you have wandered into their area of interest. Thinking about the difference made me consider the nose shackle in your wonderful wedding photo. In D/s the mere presence of it makes the submissive follow where the dominant leads, there need never be any tension on the chain, the submissive will make sure to keep up. In S/M the chain is yanked by the sadist to inflict pain. In this case there is of course the possibility of injury so thats where the skill of the sadist must come into play and where a relative novice needs guidance from a more experienced person, or have been on the receiving end themselves, but also in S/M and not is D/s as there they would not have their chain yanked.

    As for females or males being more sadistic I don’t know but on average children I think beat them both. I remember one of my nephews trying to head butt my privates once and me turning in defence so he butted my leg instead. Apparently he often did it to his father, my brother, maybe its an instinctive thing to prevent getting any further siblings so a boy has his parents undivided attention. When I was myself a boy and before I decided that thinking of hurting people was not nice and that I should think about what it would be like to be on the receiving end, I used to take a magnifying glass and focus the sun on ants in the garden. Other ants would come and form a circle around the first ant and I’d fry them all too. I supposed I have changed from a sadist to thinking about masochism then being into self bondage and from there to submissiveness, often with bondage too and always with the humiliation (for a man) of being in female clothes and under control. The fact the one I have selected to control me is a woman increases the humiliation and I have found that I love her which for me, the least romantic man you can imagine is (so far) the final twist.

  7. It might be worth reading some of Ataraxia’s thinking over on the IAR. Part of what you’re doing is redefining your activity in realistic and objective terms, defetishising it if you will, such that it’s no longer defined in transgressive terms within your relationship. Part of it is that some of Grimley’s dominance is passing into you and part of your submissiveness is becoming part of him – if anything, it may help expand your sex lives, as long as you take it slowly and don’t either freak out. There will, of course, always be a degree of transgression in relationship to your neighbours, so that aspect of the thrill need not disappear, indeed you may become more exhibitionist, getting a reputation as that nice fetish couple down the road. After all, granny’s bedroom slippers and cocoa while watchng the News at 10 would have utterly freaked out her counterpart as little as 400 years ago,
    What it is is that it’s becoming a more normal part of your lives. You’ve completed your playroom, that need has been met, it’s there for when you want it. Not part of the 9 to 5, perhaps, but subspace will always beckon, and the ability to relax into it is probably essential to you. And if the worst comes to the worst, always remember the old joke:
    Masochist to sadist: “Beat me! Beat me!”
    Sadist to masochist: “No.”

  8. Thanks everyone for such lovely comments to date, i cant really add them other than to say thanks for your support. One thing I will say is that the last thing Grimly wants is to be my subby lol i cant really think why that is!
    Lately it seems we are enjoying aspects of Sm with not a great deal of the Ds part at the moment and also have been enjoying making the fantasies of other people come to fruition as well which is pretty good fun…especially when its certain young ladies 😉

  9. I just wanted to encourage you to keep writing, you have more courage then I would even try to have you have the courage to write about yourself Grimly, and what you guys do and how you feel about things Keep up the good work. I wish that I could write the way you do, I’m not sure any of the folks around me would understand my feelings about things.

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