30 days of submission : Day 20

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

There are definitely times this girl feels more or less submissive than others. Sometimes it is at the very forefront of her mind other times it is more sort of lurking in the background.

Generally though she would say her overall submissive feelings have increased as over the years she’s got closer to Grimly and more comfortable with him and her confidence as grown as the relationship has developed. There would be something perhaps not quite right if that were not the case.

Sometimes though this girl has had to negotiate things a little with him. Well perhaps negotiate is not the right word, but to tell him how she’s feeling and sort of deal accordingly. Not so much this year, but the last couple of years this girl has had quite bad winter blues and been quite down. Not for any one specific reason, just probably because of the season, having a job that is worse in the winter months, and just because it’s a financially stressed and emotionally fraught time of year for all sorts of reasons. As a result this girl has had in the past times when she has  really just felt so down the D/s thing has just not appealed. Sort of as though it’s been an added stress rather than something to relax her. It doesn’t really make sense perhaps unless you’ve been there, but that is how she has sometimes felt. To be honest last year she should have really seen a doctor about it but didn’t , but then gradually the sort of momentum of planning the wedding brought her out of it.

All these sort of mental psychological things are a bit difficult to understand sometimes. This girl has learnt the best thing to do is to just try and be honest and open with him about it and tell him how she is feeling so that he can help her. She has never changed how she has felt about him, as in she’s never stopped loving him or wanting to be his, it’s just sometimes when she’s been in a low place she’s just started getting those doubting thoughts and for some reason connected the depression with the D/s when it has not been in anyway connected at all , it’s like its got the blame.  She’s wanted to yank the collar off and through it in the bin, well thankfully that’s not possible!

When that has happened Grimly has been patient and supportive and a good friend and partner, and that is all she can ask for. Hopefully now she is no longer in a long distance relationship and has him here it won’t happen again, because part of the problem was really being a bit low and lonely.

This girl is hoping that now she lives with him that those things will be better balanced and that she won’t get depression to that extent again as there was a point at the start of last year when it felt quite a scary place to be. Mood swings do happen its perhaps just having a better way of dealing with it.

It’s strange that those times when she’s had the winter blues that she’s turned against D/s, because all the rest of the time having this aspect to her life has made her a happier, more confident and more lively person, so its just a bit odd. Well perhaps it is all a bit mad and strange, but she has love and he has a nice leather couch for her to lie on. Now just don’t worry too much about all those straps 😉

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