What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
This girl once got into a bit of a heated discussion back in the early days of fetlife about whether trust was important in a D/s relationship. She can’t really remember all the ins and outs of the varying arguments, but her opinion on the subject has not really changed, so here it is.
To this girl being able to trust someone essentially means knowing they won’t do something harmful. It’s basically about knowing where you stand with someone to put in simply.
This girl doesn’t really use the word trust in trivial circumstances like can she trust Grimly to remember and buy milk or something like that. But other things, she knows he will do. For example, she knows he wouldn’t cheat, and she knows he wouldn’t do something dangerous in a scene that was non consensual. Grimly and this girl have played together so long that he knows pretty much what she can take, and she knows roughly the sort of things that he will and won’t do – that means a lot of things are possible, but she knows that he’s not suddenly going to start slashing her with a knife and pissing on her and stuff like that.
You can call it trust, or you can just know someone. It’s really the same.
This girl knows she can trust Grimly to not let her down when it matters, he just wouldn’t. This girl’s ex would have. If she told her ex she needed £100 to pay towards the mortgage by the end of the week she wouldn’t’ have had it. If she asked her ex to be at the airport to collect her then he wouldn’t . Things like that happened often. Grimly has very rarely let her down over anything. She can’t remember anything, and if anything has occurred its been trivial and not upsetting and likewise she knows he trusts her too.
Really all this girl is saying is she knows where she stands with him, she knows he loves her so much that he wouldn’t let her down over the big stuff – like cheating, like ripping her off, like not being there when he’s been needed for something important and he’s certainly never done something that has caused her any sort of emotional scarring during play. The thing is you could argue that why be with someone if they’d do any of those things, but sometimes relationships go a bit strange and despite people letting you down you keep on giving second , third, fourth chances, or take it on the chin because you’re supposed to be submissive to that person.
This girl is really quite lucky that she knows she has a man who won’t let her down when it matters (as in when it would affect her financial, emotional or physical well-being) , and not really because she trusts him not to (which she does) but just because he would never dream of doing the sort of things that would cause her upset.
It’s just really another part of truly loving a person really.
She knows that he feels the exact same way. That on the stuff that matters he knows she’s there. Always 🙂