30 days of submission : Day 16

Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

This girl has mentioned previously that she thinks submission (and indeed dominance) is at its best when it is part of a long-term relationship. Sometimes its possible to develop D/s feelings quickly and with casual partners but generally in this girl’s experience to really get into it there needs to be a good bit of time, effort and communication invested into it.

This girl has really only had two serious D/s relationships. Her first, with her ex, and then,for the last seven or so years, she’s been with Grimly.

When this girl was with her ex boyfriend she was very new, very naive. She probably doesn’t need to repeat the kind of things he did again since that’s sort of been covered a lot of times before. When she was new she had an idea what she thought submission was and for that reason put up with a lot of things because she thought she should because she was ‘his slave’ and had to, despite many of those things making her unhappy and damaging her confidence and self-esteem. As a result this girl pretty much lost faith with the whole thing and ended up really only doing what her ex wanted because she was afraid of him, of him outing her, of him being abusive, and in the end the thing that scared her so much was the fact he might hurt Grimly and as a result she nearly stayed with him out of fear of that – it really doesn’t make sense now at all.

Grimly on the other hand has always helped her confidence and happiness, and well, made it fun. Having a happy partner that you enjoy doing things with and for is an important in any relationship and is a big start. It helps to feel like a partner (in a romantic sense) and friend rather than a doormat. Perhaps what this girl is saying is that its good to have healthy well-balanced foundations, rather than a relationship founded on fear and unhappiness.

So yes, as a result this girl’s submission is very different to how it was with her ex compared to what it is now like with Grimly, but then that is because in seven years she has changed a lot as a person too and whilst part of that is down to their inputs she’s learnt a lot herself as well and is much better hopefully at articulating it now with a partner she can trust to share her fantasies.

Submission can change a little with gender. This girl has played with women before both as top and as bottom, and has touched on being submissive to them but as she said before really to establish a strong dynamic much more time is needed and there hasn’t really been that with any dominant lady. There have been two or three really good encounters but they have been relatively casual and to date nothing serious. This girl isn’t really looking to have another dom/me other than Grimly, unless he decided that he wanted that, but its pretty unlikely that anything would ever happen other than the casual friendly encounter. Generally women understand women better than men understand women so perhaps that has something to do with it, and this girl has usually found female doms can hit the right buttons quite quickly 🙂 She has played both with romantic and tender ladies and strict ones she wouldn’t dare disobey, so its not to say there is a specific trend developing.

Really though, it’s down to the person more than the gender. This girl has come across some messed up doms of both sexes, and also some very good ones. There are varying degrees of experience, skill, and desires. It goes without saying that not everyone’s fantasies are the same and not that many people really fit into a stereotype. Certainly Grimly is not a stereotypical male dom standing in the bedroom clad in leather with his flogger hanging from his belt with his dick out saying ‘kneel bitch and suck that’ its just not him. Thankfully!

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