Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?
The way this girl looks at is as though everyone is part of a spectrum of different colours where different shades represent individual leanings and desires , but where this is open to change dependant on numerous factors including who it might be there is the opportunity to interact with.
This girl has mentioned in one of the earlier posts of this series that she is most definitely a sado masochist – she enjoys both receiving and inflicting pain and sensations and likewise she enjoys both being under someone’s control and also controlling other people if the situation feels right. She has a preference towards being a submissive masochist but that’s not to say on occasion she won’t drift the other way with the right person.
This girl does not switch with Grimly. For some people switching both ways with a partner works. For this girl it doesn’t – she either distinctly wants to be on the receiving end with them , or the giving, just dependant on what chemistry occurs. Given she has been Grimly’s submissive so long as well it would feel weird if she started tying him up, or keeping him in chastity, or having him kneeling on the carpet when she got in from work, or doing him with a strap on. There are times when she sickly fantasizes about those things, but in reality she would be mortified to see him in any of those situations and she would feel lost. The sort of symbolic parts of her submission to him would lose their meaning too. She knows a few couples for who this kind of thing works – because the sub is providing perhaps a service for the dominant by allowing them to have a need they might have to be bound or whatever it might be, but for her it generally doesn’t – whilst she likes both roles, she doesn’t like to swap them with the same person.
This girl has a say in many elements of her relationship with Grimly. For example, she has a job, she sees her family and friends’ when she wants to, she deals with the bills she has her own accounts. Generally things to do with the day-to-day running of the household are dealt with equally and decisions made together such as about what furniture to keep and what to have for dinner. It is not 24/7 micromanagement.
The very first time this girl was dominant over someone really came about because her ex wasn’t satisfying her as her dom. Therefore she looked out other people to play with and found a male sub who she explored things with for several months. He became a very close friend and the D/s dynamic was present, perhaps not deeply, as this girl was involved with her ex as well, but it was there. Not long after that she also had a female sub who started off as a play partner but then things became romantically complicated but also the D/s was there too, this girl could tell on both occasions those submissives would do most things she asked and have fun doing so.
However, it is hard to be dominant long term over someone when you are submissive to someone else. Play is one thing, but to be fully emotionally and mentally emersed in that role is different again. For example, this girl was at a club with her ex sub and Grimly walked in and his presence immediately changed her headspace from that of dom to that of not being sure to later that evening very clearly being his sub. It got confusing, and it wasn’t really fair on anyone either. For that reason this girl does not intend to really get romantically involved or develop a deep D/s relationship with anyone other than her husband. Perhaps she won’t always feel that way, but at the moment it is the case. Well perhaps intentions and what actually happens are two different things, since she never intended to fall head over heels for Grimly either. If later on both she and Grimly feel it might work without anyone getting hurt, or being uncomfortable or jealous then maybe it will change, but for the moment this girl is very happy with what she has – a dominant husband who encourages her to explore her kinks and her need to sometimes be at the other side of the spectrum with close friends. At the end of the day she wants anyone she interacts with in a kink/bdsm sense to enjoy themselves and to be happy, and that is not much to ask.
This girl is perhaps not that much good at being a Dom since really all she wants people she plays with to do is to have fun and enjoy themselves, and for them to experience the things she knows to feel good. Whilst she can be a sadistic bitch and get off on causing pain and humiliation someone being spaced and orgasmed out at her hands is more satisfying actually.
Some people say that being a switch is greedy, or a sign that you’re not really sure what you want, this girl has always been quite sure about what she wants, and that is to have fun and to make friends and have fun with them too 🙂
She has found that having a good understanding of both ends of the spectrum has made her generally better at what she does and that it is all good experience to use and to build on 🙂 Having others be submissive to her has helped her be a better sub for Grimly perhaps, and likewise him being an evil dominant has possibly caused her to be evil and imaginative for the benefit (?) of others 😉