Dave asked : – So you have been collared for 6 years, but just married. So my question is Dave asked : “how is standing up before your family and friends to be married different from being collared?”
The short answer is in the amount of planning and expense!
The collaring this girl and Grimly had was relatively simple. It was planned to an extent in that this girl asked Grimly if he would do it and he said yes. A fetish party was coming up and it was planned to be done at that knowing a good number of fetish minded friends would be there, and the venue was appropriate – a friend’s house in the countryside.
When it was time for it to happen the organiser of the party called everyone together Grimly and this girl exchanged a few words and then he put the collar on her neck and locked it on. It wasn’t very lavish, it was just making a statement in front of like-minded people.
In a way a wedding is similar to that it is about making a statement, but it is in front of family and also God. This girl is not deeply religious, but she does have faith and is christian and having a church wedding that all her family and friends could share was important.
The collaring was an important ceremony of commitment and symbolic of the fact this girl and Grimly are in a D/s relationship, but it wasn’t something that could really be shared with family. Kink is not something that this girl discusses with family, they wouldn’t get it, and given her parents are quite Victorian even about talking about sex….well, it’s best to just not go there.
A collaring is not legal either, and whilst it is symbolic of this girl and Grimly’s choices it doesn’t mean anything to anyone outside BDSM and D/s circles.
To be honest this girl is pretty old-fashioned when it comes to relationships, being monogamous (aside from the occasional feminine experience here and there) and wanting to be married and settled. Perhaps that is something to do with how she was brought up – by a stable loving family.
It’s a little hard to really put into words what being married to Grimly means to this girl but its sort of just a way of saying ‘yes we belong together and we will be no matter what’. This girl and Grimly have certainly been through a lot together from psycho exes and debt, a long distance relationship and many other ups and downs, and survived. He brings out the best in her and this girl would like to think that she brings out the best in him as well. That is what relationships are about really being there no matter what, supporting each other’s dreams and aspirations and also about having a lot of fun both together and with friends and family and generally about wanting to share things with one another.
The wedding day was very special, it was very traditional in many senses. This girl and Grimly wanted a day they could remember in many years to come and that friends’ and family would as well. It could really not have been more perfect, the church was the one her maternal grandparents married in (neither are alive now) and the vicar was a family member who baptised this girl as well back in 1980. Because the vicar is a member of the family the service was very personal, very loving and exactly what this girl and Grimly wanted to say to one another and to family. After the service many photos were taken at a venue that holds special significance to this girl’s dad, and then that was followed by a lovely meal with everyone and socializing afterwards. No loud music or flashy lights, just good company and conversation, oh and the speeches….lol. This girl’s mum did most of the work for the decorations for the reception and the cake, and this girl had planned the order of service and invites. Everything had a personal touch, and everyone who came had travelled quite far to make the effort since not really anyone other than this girl’s parents lived locally. The photos were all taken by Captive Kink – though strangely, no straight jackets in sight lol.
It did feel very much as though it was not just a day for this girl and Grimly to say they loved each other but for their friends and family to show that in their own ways too by being there and contributing in their own individual ways. So therefore this girl would have words with anyone who says its a big expense for a little bit of paper.
Whilst the collaring was special, this girl did not feel as special then as she did on her wedding day, but then generally no one can make you feel as special as your family and friends and really it was the most special day of her life, marred only by absence of those loved ones who have passed away, and even then everything possible was done to honour their memory.
It meant something exchanging those words in a place of worship too. Perhaps when the vicar says ‘I can tell everything from the way he looks at you’ then you know you’re doing the right thing. It meant perhaps just as much renewing the vows a week later with the hand fasting. This girl walked out onto the lawn in her wedding dress with Grimly beside her to be met by friends standing in a circle who she hadn’t seen for two years and that meant so much, as did meeting the fantastic couple who conducted the ceremony 🙂
So, perhaps after all of that what’s left is paper and memories, well the paper is just that, but the memories mean more than anything in the world.