This girl read a post on fetlife the other day about whether people could submit to someone weaker than them or dominate someone who was stronger. Well, there is strength of the physical variety and also of course of the mental variety.
Grimly is pretty strong physically. He was in the Army and boxed during his time there and is strong enough that this girl can’t escape him if she tries to even if there are no restraints involved. He is firm but he is fair with it. This girl’s ex partner was physically strong too but he wasn’t very fair with it at all, and had a tendency to use his knowledge of martial arts pressure points to hurt her sometimes just because he could. Which him doing that didn’t make her want to comply it just irritated her and it wasn’t sexy.
It’s a bit of a line to draw perhaps between where a man exerting physical strength over a woman is dominant and erotic and where it is abusive and a bit too far. The thing is though, generally you just know yourself whether you’re happy or whether you’re living in fear of harm. This girl has never once been afraid of Grimly or worried that he would push things to far.
So, the grab of a wrist or being pinned down to the bed can be sometimes a reminder that he is stronger than her and in control of her body. The thing is though really she doesn’t really require him to be strong against her very often – occasionally as a reminder it is nice but when this girl admits to her old fashioned values it is nicer to know that she has someone that will protect her through anything like he has. Sort of like the knight on the white horse in the armour. Only, perhaps, not erm quite. 😉 She couldn’t really imagine Grimly on a horse!
In a dominant though mental strength is perhaps so much more important. This girl and Grimly have been through so much where she has needed him to be the strong one. Probably more than his fair share. Its not to say this girl is weak , just there have been times when she’s needed his support and his shoulder to cry on and there times when she’s had to be strong for him too.
This girl thinks a good dominant will help their submissive’s character develop and grow. Help them become more confident, things like that. Like any relationship both partners should help the other achieve their desires and aspirations and take their turns in being the strong one.
Perhaps what first attracted this girl to Grimly was that he came across as a strong character, assertive, confident, perhaps even a little cocky (who would believe that!) but she fell for him further when she realised she could be there for him when he needed someone to be strong for him.