This girl wrote a post in 2008 which her thoughts have lately revisited – here’s a link. To summarize she said :-
It was a love of pain, of sensation, of all things kinky that led this girl to Grimly in the first place. This girl did not expect that her desires would have led to a different love all of its own, but they did.
It would of course seem strange to anyone ‘not into this’ to understand how you could fall in love with someone who delights in tormenting your body, playing with your mind and who does all manner of physical devilment to you.
The question : how can you hurt someone you love, or, why would you love a person that treats you like that? But of course its sort of a crucial part as to what BDSM for so many people is all about.
Now, you know,even after ‘the big day’ it is still feels slightly funnily to this girl that she fell in love with and married a man she wants to hurt her. It shouldn’t really feel so odd but there is sort of irony there. Of course, there is hurt and there is hurt. The mental and abusive kind and the physical kind. Both emotionally and physically there is a line between what is erotic and what is wanted compared to what is abusive and non consensual. This girl has never had to worry about Grimly hurting her in any way that she has not (on some level) wanted. But then there is a massive difference between a man who loves their partner and wants to share their fantasies and a man who wants to just meet his own and cause upset and grief if they are not met.
Grimly did not hurt this girl much on honeymoon ,but when he did it was absolutely mind-blowing. It felt as though a lot of the other stuff that happened was a sort of gradual ascent towards it.
Often this girl wishes Grimly to do more to hurt her, more often, and just , like you know MORE . lol. Sometimes however the time for that isn’t right, and besides BDSM gets a bit boring and stale if it’s just about doing the same kind of stuff all the time. For that reason sometimes its great just to dress up and have fun and go out and meet people who are like-minded and this girl has sure done plenty of that the last few weeks! 🙂
Back to the hurt thing though. This girl does still sometimes wonder if he holds something back, because of the emotion there. Were things different at the beginning when it was ‘just play’ was he harder ? Or has her body just adapted to everything he does so much that she feels as though its easier?
This girl is really anxious about making this sound like a complaint when it is not. It’s just thoughts, just on the fact that love makes the whole sadism/masochism thing a bit unusual, and special, and extremely complicated!
It’s been said before of course, but masochism is very much an addiction and there is definitely a frequent craving for it in this girl’s head. Very much like any addiction it’s about wanting the next fix and for it to be bigger and better and more dangerous and edgy than the last time to that ‘oh fuck did i really want this’ sort of feeling.
This is why its good to have a partner who can read the signs correctly to avoid sort of going too far over. Dom’s have it hard really working out how far to go, when to stop especially when they have a girl to care for who quite often wants more than her body can take.