This girl is planning on going to a fem domme munch tomorrow!
Surprised? Whilst this girl does not write so much about the dominant aspects of her personality that doesn’t mean they do not exist.
For the last few years this girl has concentrated mostly on being submissive to Grimly but there have been the odd splatterings of other stuff here and there.
Before this girl met Grimly she’d had a period of being dominant. Her ex partner wasn’t showing much interest in meeting her needs so she decided to try playing with other people from a top perspective as he didn’t mind that and encouraged it as he thought it would bring in other girls for him to play with as well. What is it with guys and the whole third thing?
Anyway this girl experimented with a few friends and for a while had regular play partners, one male and one female. It wasn’t planned that way it just happened like that. With the girl subbie this girl was really beginning to get in the dominant head space but it came to a natural end when she got serious about Grimly and the girl she was playing with got serious about someone else.
There is something in this girl that gives her the need to be in charge from time to time. She can’t have that with Grimly, he would never switch with her as it would spoil the dynamic and would just be strange. However this girl has that need there. Perhaps it’s because there is part of her that is naturally headstrong and strong willed that she wants to be the one making the decisions and choosing what happens to someone else every now and again. She certainly enjoyed what happened with Ceri earlier in the year and what might perhaps happen with a certain other person in a few weeks heheh 😉
It’s still hard for her to be dominant around Grimly though, because he can only make her feel one way, which is his. Perhaps that would be wrong if it were not the case.
But there are certain people – well – women, that this girl does feel dominant around. For some reason she very rarely feels as though she would want to top a man. She went through a period of being a pro domme (for about a month) where she did top guys professionally and it just wasn’t her. In her head there isn’t something all that dominant about doing it for money – because after all the client is ultimately the one that is in control of what happens. Besides that – she didn’t find any of the guys (well there were only about 3 lol) that she did that with all that attractive. For her anything to do with BDSM is only fun if she would do it for free and therefore being a pro didn’t work for her. This girl likes to choose who she plays with and on what terms.
Certainly submitting to someone other than Grimly is not something that really interests her since no one else could get into her head the same way as he does.
This girl can’t do the stereotypical domme thing though. The sort of latex clad thigh boot thing and the bossing people about. She doesn’t want to be a cliche. Though sometimes when being in control of someone in bondage it’s hard not to be. It was fun being the evil nurse when STEFFY was in the creature certainly. There are certainly parts of this girl that are very sadistic and twisted. Normally with the outcome that any sadistic ideas and things she thinks of end up happening to her instead of to someone else. That’s the problem of having a sadistic mind and a masochistic body. If that makes sense.
This girl’s approach to really domming/topping someone is to try and do to them the sort of things that she knows she would enjoy herself but to add onto that the things that they need individually as well – to work out what it is that person needs to explore.
Personally this girl thinks its easier to understand what a submissive or bottom needs if you have been through it yourself. You know what things feel like, you know what the anticipation and fear and adrenaline are like. Some things it’s hard to learn from a book or by being shown how by someone else, sometimes having the experience of knowing what things are like to receive is helpful in knowing how to give them.
This girl has tried to build up her sort of dominant side from different bits of things she has learnt from other dominants she has played with both male and female. She thinks she has picked up a bit of Grimly’s imagination but also some of the sensitivity and romanticism of some women that she has played with too. This girl wants anyone that she plays with to be relaxed and to enjoy themselves. In that way perhaps she is a bit of a service top maybe wanting to please others by helping them another step along the path of sensory and masochistic exploration. However, that’s not strictly true because it would be wrong to say that she doesn’t get off on the bondage, pain and erotic humilation of others. 😉 Because she absolutely does.
It’s weird, when this girl reads bondage fiction and looks up pictures on the net for ideas they are generally of female submission and the way it sparks her imagination is very much along the lines of ‘what would that be like if it happened to ME’ but when she writes fiction or when she makes up her own ideas in her head they are more along the lines of what it would be like with her in the dominant role with it happening to someone else. Unsure why that is, but it is.
Some people might say wanting to experience BDSM from both sides from time to time is greedy or confused. This girl is going to be honest and say there are times when she is confused (generally about most things lol) but it’s not greed. It is a genuine desire to want to experience both sides of what is very much the same coin and being able to learn from both being a giver and a receiver to better the experience each time.