These questions were found on Ollie’s blog and to do with some sort of 30 days of kink thing has been going on….here are this girl’s remaining twenty answers since they are quite good questions and may help readers who are new here catch up on what this girl is about.
11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
It’s completely ethical if everyone involved is happy, wanting to be there and having fun. Perhaps feminists and so on may try and challenge the desire to be submissive saying that it goes against what they fought for but in this girl’s opinion it does not – women fought for the right to choose what type of life they wanted. Sometimes that may involve an element of complying to a man ,and sometimes it doesn’t. A lot of people also say BDSM is a mental illness, some sort of pathological imbalance – NO! BDSM is simply people who are wanting to explore their fantasies and have the courage and imagination to do so. There could not be anything healthier, it is far better to have an honest relationship where fantasies are explored than one where they are bottled up.
That’s not to say there aren’t people within the BDSM community who are exploited by their partners – but really those cases are no different and almost a direct parallel to the type of a relationship of a battered wife. An unhappy and unjust relationship remains that whether BDSM is involved or not.
12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Hopefully the two men involved (should they read my blog) forgive me but a few years ago this girl was at a fetish BBQ where there was naked jelly wrestling, two doms (neither of these was Grimly by the way) were partaking in wrestling with each other and slipping around on a rubber sheet like a couple of kids, afterwards in the process of trying to clean up they walked through a load of freshly cut grass and ended up looking like yetis. Naked men are sort of funny at the best of times , but it was just soooo funny.
Grimly’s attempt once to look serious and sadistic whilst wearing a sort of executioners mask was quite funny too and led to the verdict that only this girl should really wear the masks and hoods in the relationship and Grimly should wear the normal clothes! Although..he does look good in the doctor outfit!
13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
It’s a turn on and it’s fun. It’s escapism from the real world and a fantasy this girl shares with the man she loves. Simple really.
14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
For this girl they are pretty much one and the same, she would pretty much say she has what her fantasy is.
In the sort of fantasies you see on the internet though the main difference is perhaps the backdrop and the budget. Also this girl is a normal sized woman and not a super model and is complete with physical limitations, pmt and cases of just not being in the mood.
The other difference is that in books and on the net it seems as though many people desire BDSM and extreme bondage to be 24/7. It’s just not practical at all, there needs to be the correct life balance.
15. Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Water bondage (picture – waterbondage.com) – this girl has always had a fantasy about trying this. it sort of comes from a love of bondage and a sort of wanting to experience maximum adrenaline with a little fear factor. Perhaps one of these days!
16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Probably its that some of the people this girl is closest to have no idea about it – it’s like living a second life. For the most part that is good, but sometimes this girl feels as though she wishes her family knew how happy this aspect of things makes her – but its something families just don’t generally understand and for that reason nobody knows this girl is kinky apart from other people who share it.
17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Kink people don’t all wear gimp masks and kiss each other’s feet. They are not psychologically or mentally unbalanced.
From experience, having a kink for latex is no different to having a love for MGs, sailing or deep sea diving. Everyone has their own passions and BDSM is just really an elaborate hobby. It’s not a lifestyle as such it’s just people enjoying doing things that turn them on and bring them and their partners pleasure. People partake in BDSM for the same reasons they partake in sex its just another type of personal expression.
18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
People who don’t have manners and who expect because of whatever name they give themselves that they are entitled to some sort of special treatment like a celebrity. Yes. This girl IS referrering to someone specific! People who believe their own bullshit and act out whatever internet persona they’ve created in person too. Whats wrong with being introduced in person by your real first name?
19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
This girl is unsure whether it’s kink or whether its just Grimly but since being with him and being able to fully explore this aspect of her sexuality has given this girl a great deal more confidence. Perhaps more importantly it’s also introduced her to a lot of people whose paths she might not otherwise have crossed.
20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
This girl understands most kinks, she’s explored most of the ones she’s curious about. There are ones she doesn’t understand like scat but it would be crap to go into all that again (see blog from last month)
21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
This girl doesn’t read an awful lot of bdsm fiction since reading about it isn’t as interesting as actually doing it. She’s read a few of her friend Geetwo’s books though and also liked Owned & Owner by Anneke Jacob which also was pretty arousing. One book she has read a few times and has strong undertones is The Handmaid’s tale by Margaret Attwood – surprisingly she read this first at GCSE! This girl often starts a fetish book and gets quickly fed up with given most of them seem to be catered towards male readers – perhaps this girl should get round to writing something to appeal to women one of these days!
22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Balance. Doing things together that aren’t BDSM. For example recently Grimly and thisgirl spent a weekend in at her parents doing wedding things and having a day at a steam train gala and she didn’t think about sex or BDSM once! There needs to be variety, open communication and most of all, FUN.
23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Yes. When this girl first developed an interest in kink she wasn’t aware of electrics or straight jackets or a lot of the things that she now enjoys regularly. She certainly hadn’t ever thought of pet play or thought that she would end up in the creature. Her interests are wider and her perspectives are a bit broader – this girl is happy mostly to try anything once. Also she’s more interested now in meeting other people and sharing experiences, given that’s she gradually met people more on her wavelength than those she first came across.
24. What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Hard to answer as this girl has a partner and when she got him wasn’t looking for one lol. But generally anyone this girl plays with has to be adventurous, into similar kinks and able to put an interesting twist on things. This girl is not looking for any doms other than grimly really. Subs, well, they need to be biologically female and the chemistry has to be there. Chemistry is everything and that sort of you know certain X factor. Ultimately there needs to be a sense of fun and adventure and shared fantasies.
25: How open are you about your kinks?
Relatively. This girl’s blog is relatively open, she is not out to her family or her work. She takes the attitude if anyone comes across her blog or her fetlife or whatever then they have to be into it too! This girl has friends that are kinky too. This girl has tried in the past to mention it to a vanilla friend and he ended up just thinking that meant he could treat her in certain ways. NOT THE CASE!
26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
It’s probably because this girl’s original attraction to bdsm was the idea of physical stimulation and torture that she finds the whole online thing a waste of time. She wants to be doing it and she wants someone to be doing it to her. The internet is great for learning things and talking to people and making contacts but for having a relationship with a partner that is based primarily online? This girl doesn’t see the appeal. She enjoys the physical stimulation too much but also on top of that the interaction she gets with Grimly in person is not available from a dom in a chatroom – the look in his eye or when he grabs her collar or whatever else he might do just isn’t available virtually. The chemistry just is not the same. A relationship needs proper human contact if its going to have any real chance. Dont get this girl started on chatrooms…..
27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Yes. This girl shares some of her other interests with Grimly and with her friends. If she didn’t do vanilla things like going round castles or riding on steam trains or going out for dinner with Grimly the bdsm thing would have eventually run its course there needs to be a bit more. By the same token she has done vanilla things with kinky friends also like getting drunk and dancing round a ballroom with JG Leathers. Extremely bizarre but fun!
28. How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
It depends on the scene. Sometimes naked is appropriate. Sometimes harnesses, dresses, catsuits, it depends. To look pleasing to Grimly makes this girl feel good and sort of puts her head in the right place like a costume would for an actress.
29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
This girl and Grimly do use Master & slave where it is appropriate, but not overly and certainly not in public i.e doing the shopping. The use of it seems to be about at a comfortable level. This girl is not comfortable with calling other people Sir or Ma’am unless they are her dominant. For some people that level of protocol is demanded but it doesn’t feel right to this girl for titles to be used unless they are earnt and feel appropriate.
30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
That would be every other blog post here then lol. So lets just leave that….
If you have got to the end of these questions hope you’re not asleep!