Perceptions of pain

Julie asked :

“how has you pain tolerance been affected sense you began BDSM? Also when you first met grimly, if he were to put you through a session like the ones you can stand now, how much would your pain and pleasure be different than now? I’m curious cuz I’m sorta a newbie at BDSM and I find some stuff more pain then pleasure of what my master puts me in.. I want to know if that will change over time?  lemme know if you need clarification on anything! I feel I don’t make sense ever to myself!!”

This girl’s interests in BDSM have changed quite a lot over time in the sense that the types of play that interest her are much more varied than they were originally and are developing all the time.

Like a lot of people when this girl started out she tried really only mild bondage and corporal punishment (impact type play such as spanking,canes etc) and then over the years gradually added things such as electroplay, technosex,medical play,breathplay, petplay and all manner of other things.

Probably the easiest way to answer the question is to take the example of corporal punishment. This girl can remember the first time she was caned at a fetish club. It hurt a lot – but she enjoyed it a lot – and the bruises were extremely violent and lasted about three weeks. From that point she gradually played more and more and also had a few years of being a professional spankee/sub and therefore her tolerance of being spanked and being caned increased. The bruises did not last as long and she needed to be hit harder to get the same reactions. This girl believes in only giving realistic reactions therefore it frustrated some of the doms she played with as some liked tears and remorse which this girl did her upmost to hold back.

When she started playing with Grimly she began doing less spanking and impact type play, and it ended up being that when she returned to doing it some time later her tolerance was lower again – which perhaps is no bad thing – buns of steel are not much use to masochist who wants to feel *everything*

Grimly threw a lot of new sensations at her the first time she played with him, though mostly it was pleasurable or the pain was the type that she found erotic. He’s always been able to judge that well , though sometimes of course he’ll be an evil bastard just for the hell of it.

A lot of the things this girl does with Grimly now would have freaked her out if he had introduced them that first time for example hoods and breathplay. Certain things were phobias and fears and the only way to overcome those was to introduce them slowly and when this girl was ready. Play has sort of developed by itself in the same way as the relationship has. Change is not necessarily bad.

It’s really more the mental perception that has changed rather than the physical one. This girl’s body has not really changed so much just her attitude to different types of things. Mindsets can be changed by a lot of things such as from experience and from learning things from others. Sometimes thats needed to see the positives of something when before you might have only seen the negatives.

In general this girl is much more confident now than she was when she started out with Grimly, she is much more comfortable with him as well in the sense that she trusts him to do anything he wants to her knowing that she will be safe and knowing that his version of ‘anything’ is compatible with her own. It’s much harder in a new relationship to have that, but it comes eventually things such as communication can only help that so if something doesn’t feel right or doesn’t feel as exciting as it maybe should then the only way to do something is to talk over what the hurdle to it might be.

Of course its’ not all just in the head, but 80% or so is. The rest is just aches and bruises. Some things that are associated with hurting a lot might eventually feel a more pleasurable type of hurt with practice but it just getting used to it both physically and mentally.

This girl has found she can take a lot more when she doesn’t worry about it, when she relaxes she can take anything. The moment she starts worrying if she can take it then quite often she can’t, or gets in a stew whereas just drifting off into it and going with the flow is so much better.


3 thoughts on “Perceptions of pain

  1. For me it is the trust factor. Everything else stems from that. It is the knowing/trusting that whatever James has in mind to do it is calculated with me and what he knows about me, and whatever state I am in at the time, in mind.

    It is the open communication and feedback that I give him that makes this possible. Without it he is guessing which, as good as he is, is never the same as being told. He knows I will say what I think/feel. Sometimes I do this better than others but the point is he knows I will let him know. It all adds to a delicious self-reinforcing process but it can be a little scary in the beginning when you don’t know one another so well.

  2. I agree with SapioSlut.. Trust is a HUGE part in most of the activities this life can bring. On the first scene Master and I had I was always thinking about whether He knew when to stop or tighten the binds and the affect that it now has on me wasn’t reached.

    I also think the longer you are with your Partner/Dom/Master the better you will gell with then and like thisgirl said, you will stop thinking and just float!

    Another great post!

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