Luna wrote a post on submissive guide the other day about how to talk to your Dom, which raises some very good points.
This girl used to have a lot of problems talking to Grimly and it is why she started writing this blog. She isn’t sure of the full reasons why she found it difficult to talk to him at the beginning – partly shyness probably, partly failure to articulate things after such intensity, and partly because she was subconsciously afraid of what he might do with any information that she might reveal.
This girl had been burnt before and had totally gotten the wrong idea with her ex of what submission might be about. Sometimes this girl still feels guilty in that maybe there are times she gave her ex more than she has given Grimly – but out of fear, certainly not out of submission , and not out of love. Her ex got her to pierce her nipples, buy him a car and generally get herself in a load of bother in the process of keeping him happy. She did it because she was worried about him being angry or being disappointed. Submission or love didn’t really feature , but of course – importantly, she didn’t realize it at the time! Hindsight is a total bugger!
So, perhaps, her self-preservation button was stuck firmly on the red alert setting. Of course it did not need to be. The thing is though, people can do physical things to hurt you, and take things away and leave you with nothing, but they can’t take your thoughts unless you want them. So perhaps that is why she was much more guarded, whether she realised she was being that way or not.
Writing has helped this girl very much. It is much easier to let the fingertips flow and talk into the void than it is to a person sometimes, even your most beloved. Though of course, she is much better at talking to Grimly now than she was in the beginning.
Over time she realized he was not the same person as her ex was. Well in fact she realized that quite quickly as she fell for him within about six months! If not less. Actually though once she got to know him properly she found him easy to talk to. Gradually more and more so as being with him became like having a really comfy pair of socks – although socks that can nibble at your toes whilst you’re wearing them. Perhaps that is a bad comparison but you get the idea.
To this girl it is important to have a relationship with someone who you can talk with. Being able to talk to Grimly about anything, even like in random totally convoluted and insane yorkshire babble is important to her. Her ex wouldn’t listen to that. He used to say she was weird. Really!
Perhaps she finds it easy to talk to Grimly because she feels as though he actually wants to hear her, he wants to listen. She doesn’t feel as though he’s talking to her ‘just to make conversation’ or because he feels he has to. She feels he actually listens to everything, and remembers anything important. Perhaps sometimes that’s bad. Well this girl is female, and from yorkshire and therefore has a tendency to whittle on and perhaps say something that might have been better to have kept private or secret. Her family used to say she didn’t talk for years (perhaps till she was 3 or older) but once she did she never shut up, and perhaps that’s the same in many aspects of life, she’s very quiet until she finds someone who wants to listen – and then they’ll be sorry! lol
There are times of course when perhaps she still holds things back, or has some idea and wonders if she tells him it’ll put the idea in his head and make it bigger and more insane, but generally she ends up doing that anyway! No prizes for guessing why. Is that topping from the bottom? This girl doesn’t think so, surely there is nothing wrong with encouraging her dom’s imagination. She doesn’t worry anyhow if it’s topping from the bottom, she has more important things to worry about like what his devious mind is up to.
For this girl talking to Grimly is important and pretty much the first thing she does every day and the last, despite not living him. She actually gets really angry when the phone rings and it’s not him but a blasted cold call! lol
There is actually now only one way he can shut her up….. and where he can find how to do that he’ll find his Valentines card! 😉