This girl is a masochist. Hardly a newsflash!
A lot of people try to split BDSM into ‘play’ and ‘punishment’ like two separate things and maybe for some they are, though sometimes a lot of it is just dressing things up to suit the needs or fantasies of the individuals concerned, and there is absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with that.
Though for someone who is most definitely masochist calling it punishment when it’s being enjoyed and causing arousal, is sometimes, a bit odd.
In the past as a spanking model, and also at times as a prosub, thisgirl has acted out punishment type scenarios. Without oversimplifying these normally go along the lines of something naughty having happened either hypothetically before or at the beginning of the roleplay and then being punished for it and then, sometimes, showing remorse. This girl still doesn’t actually know what the word remorse means, must look it up some time! Those scenarios are designed perhaps to serve the needs of the top – to be able to correct, to chastise, to humiliate and also, in the sense of photographs and video to arouse the viewer because there is no doubting its very erotic.
This girl has always tried to get into the roles fully, and often, it’s quite easy with the help of a costume and the idea in her head of what might have happened (and is going to happen) to her character. As far as the punishment goes she has always tried to react to it as her body does. Genuinely.
This girl cannot make an ‘ow face’ unless it actually is ow. So, whether it be for verisimilitude or really just because she loves the feeling of it she’s often encouraged for more, and just pushed that little bit further than she wanted it to go.
The pictures below are from a video she did in 2005 for Northern Spanking. It’s still on their site if anyone wants to join up, under Laura. The title,’sticky situation’, refers to the hapless outcome for the dom, and not, at all what you are thinking! Perverts! This is one of her favourites of the spanking movies she has done. It was very real. Emotionally, this girl was in a strange place since she had around the weeks this was shot realised that she wanted to be with Grimly and not her ex, and had, made the ‘no going back’ move of having sex with Grimly. Her head was all over the place. Now whilst it may seem madness when being emotional to undertake roles that might ‘set her off’ it was absolutely quite the opposite.
She needed those feelings of endorphin and release. It helped immensely and as a result led to some very intense moments. At that time, the right amount of caning or of anything else for that matter, could send this girl spinning. Sometimes, whilst the dom or top might need the feelings associated with chastising or correcting someone, the bottom or the sub also needs to feel the opposite end of the spectrum feeling corrected, and also feeling for want of a better word – balanced.
This girl is unsure how to fully explain it in the same way that is in her head, but sometimes there is some magic to experiencing pain (and not necessarily the enjoyable sort) that totally releases the body and is incredibly emotional and leads to tears of pain, happiness, anger and everything all into one.
With Grimly, BDSM is not the same as that. Not better. Not worse. Just really different.
One of the reasons for that is in part that he is not into impact sports. Whilst there are an array of floggers and crops and canes and all the rest of it on the walls they hardly get used. This girl wouldn’t go to far as to say she sometimes misses that because whilst something is absent other things are present that she would rather not be without.
With Grimly play is much more intimate compared to the times when she pro-subbed and also compared to the times when its been on camera. It’s supposed to be that way of course since he’s her partner, but, generally the type of play is more intimate. Electrics, intricate bondage, breath play, all require a lot of intimacy and a lot of trust. It’s perhaps slightly more on the edge and maybe a bit more dark side. The feelings are totally different, and again, not better, and not worse, than the other ones.
The outcome of BDSM with Grimly though is generally extremely sexual and orgasmic, and this, is NOT in any way shape or form or colour a complaint. Does this girl look mad??? NO NO NO !
But, it is more about leading to a sort of pleasurable outcome rather than a release brought about by emotion and pain. Whilst the pleasure can hurt a lot, given its driven by electrics and all sorts of other torments it’s a totally different feeling. One she loves, but its, different.
Maybe its only human nature to want more. To want everything. Quite often this girl wishes Grimly would go further. Whilst totally loving what he does, sometimes she wishes she could be scared of him a bit more. Of him doing absolutely everything she hates (though perhaps not really hates) , but how is it possible to ask the man she loves (and that loves her) to border right on being abusive and still stay on the right side of it all. This is the whole flipping problem with BDSM. It’s not easy, and quite often a lot of people get it wrong.
This girl is also bad at complaining during play, perhaps not as bad as she has been in the past, but if something is going to happen that she doesn’t actually *like* but still gets off on, oh, for instance, nipple clamps, she’ll run round the room before he lets him put them on unless he puts her in situation where she can’t. Less drama is most definitely needed from her side of things. Or more gags and more bondage. He has enough to cope with that requirement!
Sometimes though, the love thing gets in the way. To a certain extent you can hurt a partner that wants you to do it, but there’s a line where things get a bit cloudy and a bit, maybe, uncertain, how far is safe to go.
Mostly this girl thinks she and Grimly get it right, but there’s just the odd time of wanting more pain and less pleasure, more pain driven masochism than pleasure driven torture. If that makes sense.
There have been times when he’s told her he’s going to do something she doesn’t like, and forced her to endure it and that has worked. Like once he tied her up and caned her bottom and her thighs and her tits as well and didn’t stop until he’d done what he’d said he would no matter how much she begged. Sometimes this girl wonders what it would be like if that type of sentence was carried out by someone else. If it was someone she knew wouldn’t stop. That would hurt her until they felt she’d had what she’d deserved or gained the right type of release from it. Though , the thing is, she’d much rather have what she’s got and like everything, it can adapt.
Better the devil you know, right?
But perhaps its a problem when the devil knows too much. And can read.