Great Expectations?

This girl has been thinking recently about her first experiences in BDSM. Probably because just a few weeks ago would have been really eight years since her first experience, well, maybe, dependent on what you count her first experience as being.

Probably it’s impossible to count anything that happened before she knew what BDSM was i.e. things she did to herself out of frustration, experimentation, whatever you might want to call it. Oh, and tormenting her friend in the loft. That doesn’t count right?? 😉

Anyhow, after being with her first serious boyfriend for a year or two, this girl can’t remember how exactly, but somehow she came across BDSM. She decided to try to get him interested in it, he was really into anal and so it seemed, maybe, like it was a natural progression that he might go along with more. So, this girl made a really bad collar out of some fabric from a local department store and also a sort of nipple torture device thing from pegs and things. Yes it really was as bad and naff as it sounds!

Anyhow, she sort of set the scene and prepared herself and the bedroom and well, it was a disaster and he was disgusted and that’s all that really needs to be said about that. The relationship petered out for other reasons, though, maybe, it was part of it and she split up from him.

Like a lot of people this girl then started questioning things a lot and did quite a lot of research online in what she thought where the right places and tried to look for someone who could take her body and mind to the places she wanted it to go.

She found someone, and, arranged to meet up with him with a view to play, and more.

Looking back, the nicest way of putting it, was that it was a mistake. One of the biggest she had made in her life, though, if she hadn’t, this girl wouldn’t be where she is now.

Essentially, she met someone she knew only from online chat/webcam/occasional phone call and went back to his hotel room, allowed him to tie her up and tease her and have sex with her. She had doubts at the time and this girl wishes she had listened to them. It was not what she expected BDSM to be. She enjoyed at the time, its hard to think that she did, since now the thought of anything to do with him (since it got so bitter in the end) makes her feel ill but at the time, it was okay, as far having bound sex with someone who could have been an axe murderer goes!

Did it measure up to her expectations of what she thought bdsm would be though?

No it didn’t.  Most of this girl’s fantasies have always stemmed from the medieval and the clinical. From torture. From intense physical stimulation and from total head fucks. So, being tied to a bed wasn’t ever going to be enough. Being used to provide oral pleasure as and when required was never going to be enough. Maybe for some people it’s enough. Maybe they are happy with that. This girl wasn’t.

It just wasn’t what she expected to be. She wanted more. She wanted it to lead to more. Ultimately, it didn’t. But then, she found something else. Someone else.

Well, we all know who she’s referring to.

This girl’s first session with Grimly was very different. She’s not going to write about it again since it’s here. This girl has been thinking about how things would have been if that had been her very *first* experience , if she had no knowledge of BDSM. As in , never been tied up, or spanked, nothing.

Blimey, she would have run for the hills! Oh, and there are plenty in the highlands!
It would have scared the living death out of her if that had been her very first experience. It was much too much as it was and she vaguely remembers driving home at the end of that first weekend on the phone (with hands free of course) to her friend still buzzing and still whirling about from all the sensations  at the same time as trying to drive through a load of snow. Scary!

So, this girl wonders what the ideal first session actually is. But she just can’t answer that.

She has ideas. Of things that she might want to be incorporated, but how many of those are based on dreams and fantasies and how many are based on what she has actually experienced and found she likes with Grimly? Her ideal first session now is going to be a mix of both…so its hard to know what would be ideal.

Though, trust this girl. It’s definitely possible to do better than a kinky shag in a hotel room.

There is so much more to BDSM than that.

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