This girl read a thread on IC the other day about someone asking quite a lot of questions about the methods of ‘relief’ offered by pro-dommes and why many dominatrixes don’t offer any sort of sexual service or relief at the end of a session.
This girl tried being a pro-dom about six years ago but only very briefly. It was not her thing. Now you might not think it, but there are a few dominant bones in her body, and with the right person she can get into that head space quite easily, though, there hasn’t been the right person for a very long time nor the inclination to find one. She fantasizes a little about torturing a certain Canadian but mostly for revenge purposes lol, as in , to see what he might concoct for her when he escapes rather than the other way round 😉 but that is really another story entirely.
When she’s dommed/topped people in the past it normally hasn’t been anything about sex or about relief for that matter. It has been sexual in the sense that she’s been turned on and she hopes so have they, but she’s mostly separated the two things and most of her experiences with other women have just been about fun rather than D/s so they don’t count as really being experiences where she has been dominant…apart from in the case of one very special one. The thought of having sex with a male sub…is like the thought of having chips with cheesecake. It just doesn’t go. Though really the thought of having sex with any other man other than her owner just isn’t a thought that enters her head. Unless its Sam Worthington then maybe. (this girl picked a name that Grimly will be sat there thinking ‘who??’ on purpose lol) But Sam is hot, and yes, would look good in chains. Yes ok this girl has a fantasy male sub.
When this girl is dominant it is more cerebral and possibly like what Grimly experiences when he is playing with her. It’s not about acting on sexual yearnings its more about fulfilling some carnal sadistic desire and trying to combat that feeling with the desire to send the submissive into some altered and heightened mind where what their feeling is possibly very sexual and very overwhelming and yet just on the brink.
It’s fun doing that with someone you care about. With someone you want to share something intense with, whether that person is a partner who you might later take things further and more carnal with or whether it’s a friend you are sharing ‘just’ a bit of fun, well it’s not only just – but you know what this girl means platonic – as far as bdsm can be platonic.
When its someone who’s paying you its a whole different thing. It becomes a different exchange. It’s not exchanging the experience for love or for friendship or mutual satisfaction, exploration or for adventure. It’s for money.
Money changes everything.
When you see someone you care about in the throes of ecstasy it means everything, when you see someone who is nothing to you than a client it makes you feel sick. Or at least, it made this girl feel sick.
This girl has seen a male submissive client relieve themselves whilst wearing an outfit that did the person absolutely no favours. It was disgusting, and it was a that point this girl realised being a pro dom was not her thing, she kind of knew before that but it took a graphic visual to show her that. Needless to say , this happened quite a while before she met Grimly – as he would totally have discouraged her from even attempting to see if it was her thing.
The other thing about money is that it changes the balance of power. The person who is paying is the one that is in control . Some men that visit pro-dommes are maybe weak willed muppets but even they are in control. They either get what they want or they don’t come back. If this girl is being dominant she wants to be in control, completely. Or maybe not completely but enough for her to believe in her own version of it and she couldn’t if she felt she was allowing something that she knew turned her stomach.
And that’s why. That’s why pro dommes and especially the best ones don’t allow relief.
They are holding onto control (albeit perhaps loosely) by saying no to the one thing the client might want the most.
But then… a bit of sexual tension never hurt anyone. Or at least, probably not more than they wanted it to.