This girl has wrote a few times before about identity, about sort of having this ‘secret side’ that is different to the face she puts on for work ,family and friends.

What you read about on this blog is that BDSM ‘secret identity’ which is just a part of this girl’s life. A significant part but not everything. She is not obsessed with being ‘thisgirl’. She does not go out of her way to make sure anyone at all knows that she is, unless they want to. Most people don’t have a clue. Given that this girl doesn’t frequent the local fetish scene most bdsm people within 20 miles of here don’t have a clue about her. She’s quite happy with that. It feels more comfortable.

This girl has never wanted to be a scene celebrity. Apart from anything else this girl is desperately shy!

There are people out there who want to walk into a room and be the centre of attention and be the great big ‘i am’. Those people quite honestly get on this girl’s tits!  They always have. They seem to have this built up image of themselves that deep down is a load of ********

This girl doesn’t want to be one of those people. She doesn’t want to be recognised as soon as she walks into a room (unless she is doing something particularly spectacular 😉 ) and would rather just get on with what her bdsm is.

For her it’s not about being recognised as a scene personality or ego. She would much rather be noticed for what she does, than who she tells everyone she is. Whether that be how she acts towards other people, or whether it be what Grimly does to her. Let’s face it, he has the way of making her the centre of attention whether she wants to be or not! But that is really one of the things that she loves about him. He takes this relatively mild mannered shy girl and turns her into some weird and wonderful bondage toy. Though if people come across this girl in person she’d like them to know the other side of her a bit as well to know this isn’t all an elaborate performance and that deep down there is much more meaning to it.

When this girl first met Grimly she had wondered whether he was going to be one of those men that was full of his own ego. Though not very much since what she had read of him, seen of him, and heard of him pretty much said otherwise.

Like this girl, Grimly has more than one identity. He has the one he puts on for the bdsm scene and then the one he shares with closer friends. When she first went up to play with him she only knew of the bdsm version. It was pretty intimidating.  Walking up the path with him stood there, arms folded, looking impatient and sadistic though probably really deep down just in need of someone to make him a coffee 😉

Sometimes this girl would like to spend a bit more time with that person, the one she sees as being an inventive sadist meglomaniac and you know, the fantasy. But it’s so much better for knowing that what’s beneath that persona of his is someone who is intent on making her fantasies happen, but at the same time isn’t so far into the fantasy that he’s lost sense of other things that are important to maintaining healthy relationships with loved ones and friends. Luckily he’s not the kind of guy who’s too swept up into the imagery, and, can share the more normal aspects of himself without worrying that it might mist the illusion.

3 thoughts on “Identity

  1. If Grimly thinks the same way as you do in this post, then your eventual marriage
    should be an enduring success. Good luck, and keep up the kinks.

  2. What a lovely blog.

    I liked your description of your partner as someone who is intent on making your fantasies happen, but at the same time isn’t so far into the fantasy that he’s lost sense of other things that are important. That’s a terrific balance to have!

    But more than that I liked your own description of yourself here as someone very grounded who thinks deeply about her identity. I noticed your blog on a link of Shapeshifter’s and I’m enjoying reading your personal reflections on the realities of a relationship with a man who you’ve found is significantly more profound in reality than a scene celebrity.

  3. housebound, this one is for keeps. Where else would i find a man that can fix my sports car decorate my house and give me countless orgasms from bizarre inventions! 😉

    hi Ms Lacrymosa, thanks for your comment , lovely to hear from you 🙂 x

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