So you might have been wondering where this girl has got to?
To be honest, keeping up with this blog is getting a bit hard for her, its got to be a sort of chore, rather than fun. And, if it was up to her alone it would have ended. Though of course, it isn’t. This particular post is just a sort of clearing the air and having a ranty whinge thing so please dont feel compelled to read it and skip to the picture if you want!
Maybe its a sort of bad thing making that sort of statement, but the amount of posts this girl has left in the draft folder lately along the lines of some sort of big farewell speech are at ridiculous quantities, so saying it pubicly sort of helps push that feeling away and sort of once it is there in black and white it feels a lot better to have said it. So there. Its said.
Another thing that needs to be said is lately this girl has found new levels of irrationality and confusion and really in a way it seems to be some sort of extended sub drop from going from a really amazing 2009 to a (in comparison) dull 2010.
2009 was amazing – some great visits to Canada, Wales, and *cough* Lancashire. This girl met some amazing people and had some really great experiences and you know after playing with people like STEFFY and JG returning to normality was a bit of a rude awakening.
The problem essentially can be summed up in a simple equation long distance relationship + convertible + snow = difficult.
Yep, the year this girl decides to buy a soft top is the worst winter like in her lifetime. It didn’t help either that she crashed the car in January. There , said it. For ages, this girl was like not saying that she had bumped the car so soon after getting it because she felt like an idiot, but having that happen sort of explains how kink has taken a back seat a bit (impossible in a 2 seater but still!) Its taken a while but between Grimly & this girl’s dad the car has been fixed, and is now better than it was before. This girl could write a whole blog just about the joys (and probably pitfalls too) of owning an MGF but would you really want to read that? By the way, MGs even have their own munch so it is a fetish of sorts!
The snow messed up Christmas plans, new year plans, trains, and all sorts. So far this year, most weekends this girl has planned to see Grimly theres either been problems with the weather or work on the car has sort of got in the way. For a while though, it didn’t really bother her, its like it was a bit of a relief.
Sometimes this girl feels as though she’s like some sort of performing seal.
Like there is some sort of hidden pressure to keep going one better than the last time. To have something to write about thats new and exciting and you know, different. When sometimes the tried and tested can be just as orgasmic. If not more so. This girl doesn’t like feeling as though people have built her up into being something that she really doesn’t think she is. Its not that either this girl or Grimly have run out of ideas, because lately he’s got back into the shed and has a few projects in mind…its just that…it needs to feel personal again, and like, for personal enjoyment and not to get loads of hits or comments or any of that malarky. And the stats have fallen lately – lots!
This girl is trying to concentrate again on what made her write the blog in the first place, which she initially started as a communication tool to explain her thoughts on submission to her Master, she never expected that anyone would actually read. This girl watched the film Julie & Julia earlier on, its sort of a bit about blogging since its about one woman trying to cook all the recipes in a cookbook in a year and blog about it. It starts off a personal project, but then people follow it, and fame follows, but there are times when it also takes over her life a bit to the risk of her relationship. Its a good film. But Merryl Streeps accent in it is irritating !
In the film, the character gets really excited when she gets her first comment. This girl can remember getting hers too, or the feeling of it. For interest she looked back to see who it was from and it was Bonnie from My Bottom Smarts. Not really a suprise , given Bonnie is so fantastic and welcoming to new bloggers 🙂
Its sort of finding the balance of making it enough for Grimly and her and a bit for other people, without feeling its giving too much. Its weird, she’d rather give pictures than she would her inner most thoughts.
This girl has had a lot of thoughts that she’s wanted to share but has found it difficult. Since sort of getting a bit of that fame thing, obviously not on a great scale like Julie in the film, but on a little one…some people know who this girl is.
Its harder writing when you know your readers. Because you worry that what you write might change their interpretation of you, or that you might not necessarily want a person that you’re going to see (other than you partner maybe) to know the very depths of your soul . For that reason, this girl sort of preferred blogging when the only person that knew this was her, was him.
So, there is a bit of self censorship going on but hopefully maybe this post clears the air a bit. Essentially, this girl has felt crap and she’s not felt like writing about it because of worrying what people close to her might think when really most of the worries are irrational and as a result of a combination of sub drop, and a tiny bit of depression*. But, with the sun, and a few stresses being removed things are starting to feel better in that regard.
How Grimly puts up with this girl she will never know.He is amazing. He stands by her no matter what moods or upsets she ends up landing him with. Oh, and he has a totally electric tongue. Having your cunt shocked whilst being licked by your Dom = wow. LOL . Of course its not the only reason she loves him , far from it. He is just the best.
So, things are good at the moment, and on the up now there is no more snow to interrupt pervy time , so hopefully watch this space. For the moment, here’s just a picture.
* mostly to do with turning 30 a few weeks ago.