This girl has been thinking quite a bit about reading this week – and about reading erotica particularly since she watched two films that featured reading as a theme (by coincide as they were sent randomly from her dvd rental list) and because of the radio clip there about Story of O.
The first film she watched was The Reader starring Kate Winslet. This told the love story of Kate Winslet’s character who was a woman who had worked at a concentration camp during WW2 and then afterwards had a romance with a young guy who she liked to read to her before having sex – well – there’s more to the story than that – but to give more would give spoilers so..
The second was Inkheart with Brendan Fraser, and in this film his character has the power to bring stories to life by reading them and ends up bringing characters to the real world from a book.
Both films were really good, The Reader particularly. Since throughout the film the male character reading to the female character reinforces their bond and their relationship. It’s a bit of a weepy film but Kate definately deserved that oscar for it.
Really it sort of got this girl thinking about how reading can stimulate imagination and in some cases bring ideas to life, and also to bring a little fantasy into boredom.
This girl always liked reading – probably not so much now, more so as a child, since doing English Literature at college and having to cruelly dissect everything put her off for a very long time. But as a child it was something she loved. She could read before she went to school so got through all of that roger red hat nonsense pretty quickly. So, she got bored of that and quickly got through most infant stuff to the point where her mum wrote her stuff to read instead for quite some time. Her mum’s stories were actually good, apart from sort of being a bit too moralistic. Parents eh?
Anyway, this girl loved reading as a child. Especially stuff like The Chronicles of Narnia and Enid Blyton. Anything with fantasy and a bit of bondage and kidnapping and evil people thrown in 😉 Now its not really all that bizarre is it. Either at night, or in the morning, this girl always had some book or other on the go. She always preferred reading herself as well, rather than having someone – a parent , or a teacher, or a whole class read the book out. It’s like when you get into a book it really is like you can escape, and picture things in your head and sort of a little escapism from the real world. It’s easier to picture that when you’re left with the book to yourself, if you have it read to you or read it to someone else its maybe a bit harder to process the images and sink into it the same.
This girl has never really gotten into reading erotica so much. Probably because most of the stuff she’s read doesn’t spring to life like books did when she was younger – or is that maybe just a bit of magic you lose with age? It’s because so often erotica is badly written and designed to get men off and because often combined with that what happens is either likely to be phsyically impossible or not believable. Its sort of because this is what this girl *does* that she needs it to be sort of believable to be able to imagine it happening…as opposed to talking horses and dragons which is easy!
The first erotica she read was Story of O. She and her ex bought a box set of the DVD and book, and, its’ probably because of how she first read Story of O that she sort of has mixed feelings about it. Her ex liked her to read to him whilst at the same time getting him off, until he was aroused enough for oral or for sex. Mostly oral. The first couple of times it was kind of horny, but after a while it became a chore. Bedtime reading wasn’t an indulgence in a bit of escapist fantasy any more it was a sleazy chore, plus also, it meant really only reading the book a few pages at a time. Also, it made this girl feel as though he was getting off on the porn and not on her – like as if she could be anyone or some sort of sex doll. There are times when this girl like sbeing a sex doll – but not quite like that. Reading always felt like a bit of private escapism for this girl a chance to read a bit of fantasy by herself, get her imagination ticking, fall down the rabbit hole – reading to him, in that manner, just felt, invasive and dirty.
Because of that, she sort of resented the whole story of O for a long time. That, and because he insisted that as a submissive its how she should be . These days , this girl sees some of the romanticism of O, some of the beauty of it, but she still doesn’t feel any affinity towards the male characters in it. Rene is an arse. If this girl was to end up with guy from the story it would be Pierre. Which you know , maybe defeats the point of the submission of it, that you don’t get to choose who uses you in that world, but this girl has only ever been a one man woman. She has never seen the attraction of being poly or being used by other men. This girl also is a bit put off by O because although its groundbreaking in that its written by a woman, at the time when it was written, but because it feels like a textbook , like some S&M bible that everyone harps on about. Thanks all the same , but this girl would not want to base her submission on something like O or like Gor. It needs to be more indivual and more imaginative, not like hoards of other people want. There’s nothing wrong with using a text like that maybe as a starting point to get ideas, but to try and start a relationship and say ‘this is how it should be’ is just madness it takes time to find out what works on an individual level.
There are some erotica works this girl has enjoyed, but, somehow reading BDSM doesn’t have the same escapism as reading other fiction. Of course BDSM itself , as in doing it – is better – getting right into the fantasy, being with someone that brings imagination to life. In a way, its good in that this girl knows she can perhaps read or write things about BDSM, and if she shares them with Grimly they’ll happen. So really, what this girl is saying is that she likes doing BDSM , but she likes reading about other things. Reading and learning things in that way is special, but when it comes to fiction she doesn’t like erotica so much – it needs to be something else. Something different. When she reads about BDSM, she prefers it to be fact. Stuff thats happened. To other people. Blogs, write-ups, reviews. Things that say this happened, and can happen to other people. That’s more interesting than reading something about how her round, pert and nubile breasts heaved and her cunt glistened with moisture as she took his thick hard shaft between her rosy red lips or whatever.
Often this girl wonders what goes on when people read her stuff. Do the words paint a picture of what this all is really like? Or do people think it’s too fantastical to be true and just an elaborate sexual bedtime story?