Subwise 1. Personal submission

From Submissive Guide

It’s time for you to participate! This is a topic carnival. I’m sure that many of you have participated in these before. Submissive Guide provide a topic to write about and your task goes like this:

  1. Write about the topic in your blog or online journal. You don’t have to have a blog to participate. If you have a FetLife account you can use your writing section. Other communities also have journal areas where you can post your response.
  2. Send Luna at Submissive Guide an email letting her know where to find your post about the topic. She needs the URL to the post, not the link to your home page of the blog.
  3. Repost the list of posts within one week of when they are published on Submissive Guide.

All submissions should be received by August 26th at midnight CST. Please feel free to let your   friends know about this carnival. The more people that participate the better!

Okay so the topic you will be writing about is:

Define your personal submission. Tell us what submission means to you and how your perfect submissive life would be like if there were no obstacles in the way.

Here’s this girl’s answer……it may be a  bit waffly!

What does submission mean to this girl?

For a start – it’s not a gift. Not really. This girl knows it’s an analogy a lot of people use and she might have once or twice herself but it’s not really the best metaphor to explain it for her.

The idea of the sword in the stone is more fitting. There, with potential, but waiting for the right man to come along and take it. Not necessarily the strongest man, or the most handsome, or the richest, but the one that is worthy and has the heart and ability to channel it’s capabilities correctly. Yep. Grimly is this girl’s Arthur, sort of. With his own magical realm, though instead of a castle it’s a playroom in a little house in the North of Scotland. Well. Not everyone can have the fairytale exactly as the books say!

There are plenty of doms out there who puff out their chests like the ‘big I am’ and walk up to a submissive expecting her to melt and sink to her knees just because they’re a dom and she’s a sub. But, just because someone gives themselves a label it doesn’t mean its the right one necessarily unless its earnt. It’s not any easier to make this whole thing work than it is any other type of relationship. It has to be a good fit, and then effort has to be put in from both sides. Grimly has proven that he’s a good fit for this girl.

She didn’t submit to him straightaway however. In fact, she fought it for as long as she could.  “Call me Sir” he said, and time and time again this girl said no, and maybe it meant more to him when she finally did, because he had to work with all his cunning to get to that point! Whilst she let him play with her it was a while before he properly became her dom and when it happened it wasn’t because she gave herself to him it was because she could no longer resist what felt right. Well maybe she was brainwashed a little with his mad electrotherapy and neuro linguistic programming but whatever, it just felt right, and it wouldn’t with anyone else. Is this girl a submissive when she can only submit to one person?? It might be possible  for the short term like it’s easy enough for role play and to pretend for a one off session  that there is something deeper than the physical, but it’s harder to pretend once it becomes regular – it needs to feel right to work properly without the pretence.

So , Grimly made this girl his sub. He may as well have put a great big neon sign up saying ‘you’re supposed to belong to me. stop fighting it’ but as it was he demonstrated that he’s just so fucking good at this bdsm stuff that it would seem foolish not to want to be his. Though of course more about him interested her than that, there was also a whole load of personal stuff, too much to go into here, that really isn’t to do with submission as such.

But the problem this girl has with submission, is basically that parts of her are afraid of it , of what it might make her turn into if she loses herself into it too much.  She worries that she might end up like one of those subbies who seem not to have a mind of their own, who would not function without a man to control everything and that they would fall apart if it were not for strict rules and regulations telling them how to do everything apart from breathing.  Though, it’s funny despite her seeing that as not remotely an aim or desire, there are time when this girl can’t help feeling envious of those people because despite everything they seem to have it worked out and this girl sometimes still has struggles with the whole submission thing. Those people seem to be living how they want, whereas this girl is still snatching moments where she can fit them round life.   Which that works for her, she needs a normal functional life too, but sometimes it’s nice to dream of completely living in a fantasy, not matter how impractical it is.

This girl wonders if there are some people out there who see her just as some sort of weekend warrior type, albeit a very committed one, since what she writes about is the highlights of the BDSM and not really so much the D/s.  This girl wants people to take her seriously as a submissive and not just as a masochist or sensation seeker.  Or at least, for Grimly to. It doesn’t really matter so much about other people though sometimes it’s just human nature to sometimes think about it and worry that it does matter.

Until recently this girl was a bit haphazard with her commitment to the submission part of things. She found it hard to obey him on issues that weren’t what she wanted to do, but were very much his fantasies. Which, mostly, he doesn’t even ask for a lot. The main issue being his desire to lock her in chastity. Well, that freaks this girl out a bit, because she hates the fact that although it feels inconvenient and a nuisance it gets her totally aroused, and admittedly anything that happens afterwards is amazing. Sometimes it’s just really a matter of trusting him to work it all out, and just go with it no matter what.

He’s never asked her anything impossible or abusive. He’s never made her feel like she’s just there as an on tap blow job giver, servant, and cheque writer. Because, you know, there are doms out there that seem to make it feel like that, and the monster featuring in this girl’s biggest nightmare.

This girl wants more from submission. She wants it to feel like a fantasy that she would want. Grimly worked out how to be the dom for her pretty easily, so why does she find it harder to work out how to be what he wants? Why does she still sometimes feel like it’s a bit of a  sacrifice to surrender – though – it is less than it was. It’s starting to feel more natural lately. Submission is just a challenge to this girl, one that she will improve on in time.

All that being born submissive thing? No. At least not this girl. Though there’s always been something there which slowly he is bringing out of her.

Ultimately what this girl wants is for it to feel natural. Not for her to have to battle with herself, or being afraid of what just going with what he wants might imply.  Of being able to be obedient without telling herself first not to brat or protest. Of him being proud of her. Maybe soon she’ll get her chance to be a bit more consistent in that goal.

Though, this girl has got some bits of the submission thing right. She meets the majority of his needs, she encourages the imagination of her dom and collaborates with him in designing inventions. She can support him when he needs it and help him think things through since she has a mind of her own and isn’t an airhead.Ultimately, she’s his partner in crime in all things, his bondage toy, his lover and his friend.

And of course, his sub.  Being Grimly’s sub basically means just being there for what he needs her for, and that works. The obedience thing can kinda get sorted later!

Though something tells this girl that her man is plotting on that score 😉

6 thoughts on “Subwise 1. Personal submission

  1. A while back, I ran across an article by a woman who wrote, in part, of her dealings with the crowd a her local munches. She developed a reply to the inevitable responses:
    “If I don’t seem submissive to you, it’s because I’m *not* submissive… *to you!*”

  2. Don’t waste time trying to explain it – just carry on doing it, in the way that you do so well !

  3. I’m willing to bet that your bratishness is one of Grimly’s favourite traits of yours during play. Doubt either of you want total obedience coupled with random torture.

    You’re wise to hold back on what you say here (and there’s absolutely no reason to seek approval from the world at large on your sub credentials). What you do say strikes a chord over and over, more than any other site I’ve come across.

    A challenge for the future you may not have considered: a Dom in a long-term loving relationship may have less desire to inflict pain after a while. But from Love Doll I’m thinking that would be fine too.

    Rock on.

  4. Tom, yes that says it all 🙂

    Housebound, thanks 🙂

    VanillaLite – that’s a bet you would lose – it’s not! And i don’t hold back, I say what I want to say, anything I don’t say is because its personal or not relevant to the point i’m making. Grimly and I dont intend to change what we do, there’s always going to be some bdsm and some sex, sometimes together sometimes not dependant on what mood we’re in but i dont’ think either one would ever outweight the other we seem to have the balance as we want. Thanks again

    TG x

  5. Hi there. I just ran across your blog this morning after clicking a link from another submissive’s. I felt compelled to respond to this post. I absolutely adored your sword in the stone explanation! I can’t say that I have ever seen someone describe things so plainly and yet so wholly. That is spot on. Bravo! ^_^

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