Now if you read here regularly, you may recall this girl mentioning one of Grimly’s alterego’s Dr Feendish. A little more sadistic, a little less personal and a lot more frightening, Dr Feendish is a bit of a role play character that came to life when no one was looking, or at least he feels real to this girl when he’s doing his various guinea pig tests on her. But, have you met the nurse? She can be just as horrible. As a squealing rubber doll found out! Poor STEFFY!
Well, the thing is, Steffy did insist upon trying Grimly’s chair, and it seemed the most interesting way!
Steffy was wired up, rubbered up and tied up and then made to watch herself being played with via the video mask which was connected to the video camera at the left of the picture. The nurse was pretty horrible and inventive in trying to get the doll to react and scream – but the doll didn’t break (this time 😉 ) but you know – it’s hard with all that rubber in the way to get to any bits that hurt – rubber does have some disadvantages! Though the boots are hot aren’t they?
Getting the opportunity to be sadistic for a change is an interesting experience for this girl – to not quite be in Grimly’s shoes (though she could – he’s the same size) but to get to try things from the other side. It’s actually pretty difficult to be balanced at being sadistic – it’s tempting to get carried away – especially when you have a featureless doll in your clutches – and that is a dangerous thing. You are the responsible one. This girl knows only two well that a masochist will push and push for pain and stimulation and that sometimes it has to be the sadist or top that takes the decision to slow things down or change to something else – because otherwise things can start going a bit too far. The same problem as with any addiction. The dom is sort of the dealer – the one pushing it , contolling the addiction – and the subby is the one hooked on it. Well maybe that analogy doesn’t work in all cases – but it explains the point this girl is trying to make.
Sometimes having that control and responsibility is a good thing.
This girl used to play with a subbie boy who she could get into sub space quite easily. She’d worked out what worked for him , what buttons to press and how to get him there. It was an amazing feeling knowing that she could do that. Though probably this girl isn’t a proper sadistic in so much as the thing she got out of it the most was the satisfaction and glow that comes with making a friend happy – she didn’t get off on inflicting the pain for its own sake as much. Though…the time she tied his cock to the rack to give him a mind fuck was fun… The problem is though when things go wrong. The rotten feeling you get when you maybe inflict something that wasn’t intended. It hasn’t happened when this girl has topped very often – but once she accidentally cut her ex subbie girl which she hadn’t meant. The fact that the girl actually LIKED being cut didn’t matter – it wasn’t what this girl had intended or part of how the scene was expected to go so she felt rotten . Felt guilty for letting that happen. But then, if she hadn’t felt guilty about something going wrong then that would be worse wouldn’t it? It’s better to care than to be a cold heartless bastard – the fact that this girl likes to sometimes fantasise that Grimly is a cold heartless bastard is totally different (especially since he isn’t really or at least not for very long!) Caring for the person you play with is the most important thing of all, caring for them and respecting them and of course that goes for subs caring for their Doms too.
Though, as a dom or a top it’s a great deal of responsbility – to work out how to do the scene, how to make sure it works – in how imaginative and creative it is and at the same time keep it within the limits of the sub you’re playing with (which is of course easier as you get to know them better) but with enough push to give the masochist in them a good seeing to!
That is not a responsbility this girl would ever want full time. It’s nice to experience it sometimes but she’s a receiver, a masochist, and a pain slut and better at that than she is at being top.
This girl used to think she was an OK top until she met Grimly. She can do corporal punishment style play fine and bondage and all of that, but Grimly style play is different. The whole gadgetry – this girl doesn’t understand all that. She knows black is negative and red is positive and that’s about it. She could learn how it works so that she could do it to someone else – but it would sort of take away some of the magic that she has with Grimly – she likes having a bit of mystery to it and him using his technical ability and imagination to impress her. Somethings wouldnt be the same if she knew how they worked. Like the orgasm trigger thing for instance. Its sort of magic, she doesn’t want the magic to break.
It’s hard being top in front of Grimly too and in Grimly’s playroom. It’s like HIS habitat. This girl doesn’t feel as though she can really get into totally the right headspace for being top/dom/sadist whatever there, in front of him. Maybe that’s a good thing, it’s better to have one dynamic that really works than loads that don’t quite tick all the boxes. Maybe that will change one day in the future maybe this girl was gain more confidence in topping again, she had it once. She still feels good giving those sensations and kicks to other people, and it was so much fun having Steffy in the chair.It probably needs for Grimly not to be there – so that this girl can take control of the situation and not feel as though she’s doing it to impress him as well as the reciever, and might stop her feeling as though she needs to compare her style to his – because it’s really not the same! That and maybe she needs a regular subby to gain knowledge of and experiment on – but that’s really not a good idea whilst her time at Grimly’s with all those toys is already limited! Though who knows what might happen in the future
Whilst it’s tempting to crave having all that control, all that power ,and responsbility…
this girl knows what side her bread’s buttered…
and so probably did Steffy….cuz the doll got her own back! Watch this space 😉