What its all about

This girl get’s this thing a lot. Of – ‘Wow…i wish you/someone would do that to me’. But would they really want what this girl has? Really? If they knew the warts and all?

People are attracted to what is on the surface. The kit. The concept. Gosh, maybe there are some people with kinks twisted enough to even be attracted to this girl…or Grimly…now that is a niche kink to have! 😉

But the whole BDSM thing is an elaborate game or fantasy. This girl has pretty much learnt that the whole idea is to really see how far you can explore this concept of pleasure and pain. How detailed you can make it. How alive it can become and how much you can make yourself believe in it for that moment. This girl is not one of those ‘lifestyle’ people. This is not her life. This is part of it. A significant part, but not the pivot of everything. Grimly owns her, and she belongs to him – but that would be the case with or without all this amazing paraphernalia.

In all honesty, the attraction started with BDSM, but it’s not everything. These people that live their lives for it and it alone well perhaps they’re the ones living in a fantasy world. This girl knows she is lucky to have what she has. Though not because of the kit or because of the stuff you see. Because that’s the shallow stuff.

It means a lot more to have someone to share this with. Otherwise what is it – a visit to a pro, a casual session, self gratification – it’s better with a regular friend and collaborator.

This weekend sort of showed that.

This girl and Grimly had planned to play extensively, take lots of pictures of it. Show off, whatever. Have lots of sex.

Then the heatwave happened. It was just too hot to think about playing much.

Though some play happened and some fantastic sex with earth shattering orgasms. Though, at the moment this girl doesn’t feel really like writing about the experience of being doubly hooked and hanging from the ceiling in bondage. It doesn’t feel important at the moment. Maybe there are people there that would want to read about that – but when you know that really this girl was dripping with sweat, and Grimly was wearing shorts does it sound all that erotic? lol The imagery just doesn’t work quite the same.

This girl doesn’t write here to maintain some imagery or illusion of what BDSM should be like – it’s just what its like for her, and that sometimes involves things besides bondage , latex and electrocution. Sometimes it involves that mushy lovey stuff. So that’s the way things are.

This weekend, what meant the most was paddling together at the seaside, cooling off after a nice dinner.

Though the play was amazing, it wasn’t the only thing that mattered and it never is.

So maybe that shatters some folks illusion of BDSM that its not like some porn movie or internet photo set. It’s not glamour, it’s not about constantly being dressed in latex, or kept naked and leashed in the kitchen.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t pursue whatever fantasy it is you desire (within obviously it being relatively safe, sane and consensual) but just be aware that there is more to it than instant gratification. Sometimes you find that you just want to spend time with the person who does all that stuff for you, just for the sake of spending time with them.

9 thoughts on “What its all about

  1. It is so refreshing, you tell it like it is, not how the fantasy in mind is. After more than 30 years in our relationship, I still tell her all the time how weird we are. It works for us, it is not what you read about, but darn it, there is something about our success, that allows us to tell the “experts” to go to hell.

    Thanks for your honesty. It is hot here too, so yes I would love to hear about all the sweat, and mush. After this long you need new ideas to keep it fresh, even though it is not the same, there might be something that us “old” folks could use.


  2. What it’s all about? This could have been written by us, well not all of it but much of it. We (this is Jim writing) found each other by our common interests in fetish and BDSM. When we were just learning about each other of course we talked about pervy things, but just as much we talked about the other things we had in common. Music, day trips looking for things that aren’t there any more, mom and pop diners with neon “EAT” signs, old buildings, cooking, and the list goes on and on.

    Yeah, the pervy is a big part of us, but its just a part. We post pics on Fetlife, maybe we should start posting pics of what we really thought was great, the little things that make life with Wendy worth living. “Here’s a pic of Wendy holding the morrell mushroom she found under a pine tree in our yard.” “Another pic of Jim almost tipping over the tractor on the hill behind the barn.”

    So no matter how many pervy pics we post I would hope viewers realize that we could never be able capture the happiness that comes from us puttering in the garden or cooking a little feast together, or watching the bats fly over the pool when we are taking a sunset swim.

    It’s the infinite amount of wonderous little things that we do together and see together that make us happy.


  3. I think you have hit it spot on with genuine bondage couples..I believe it is only the ‘poor’ ( and I mean it nicely ) guys and ladies who have no partner to share their BDSM fantasies with, that probably believe our subbies spend their day sealed in latex and padlocked under the kitchen drainboard !!!
    Excellant ‘write-up’ in the day of a pervy couple and as been said above, it could have been us writing exactly the same 🙂

    Anyway, excuse me, I have to release a sweaty damsel from under the drainboard now……..

  4. I am a long time reader of your blog, and today, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post, your honesty, your openness and your patently obvious human qualities. You are an inspiration for me, and the living proof that people like you (and me, and a lot of others) do exist on Earth. We maybe a rare specie, but we are here, and we will connect to each other, and live happily ever after.


    PS: English mistakes are gladly offered to you, courtesy of “my mother tongue is French” 😉

  5. thank you all for the lovely comments 🙂 Arnaud, you might also enjoy the Docteur’s website – he’s parisien (link to the left)

  6. It’s been too hot for too long – it feels like months since Mistress and I have had a proper play. We spent the weekend having a picnic on the moors, chancing our luck for some early bilberries (though we were disappointed 😦 ), and watched films while she graciously braided wool dreads into my hair. No matter how much fun BDSM is, there should always be room for something more.

  7. i used to go bilberry picking with my mum, my friend and her mum, with hindsight i realise that friend was one of my first bi crushes – funny old thing.!

  8. It is just the warts and all approach that always make your posts the first thing I check each day. It is also nice to hear from some other well admired couples as you have here letting you know that what you are doing is important and worthwhile to do.

    So with all that gear, why doen’t Grimly have an air conditioner??? I know you all have natural air conditioning most of the time. Exept recently it sounds like nature is BROKEN!

  9. thanks Tim

    there’s an easy answer to that…

    it’s SCOTLAND 😉 normally hot weather only happens once ever millenia

    tho if this sort of weather continues it might be something we need to invest in!

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