Rules & Rituals

From Submissive Journal Prompts :

“Ritual is important. It is fulfilling and meaningful. It is beautiful. It is symbolic, mnemonic, and instructive. It establishes protocols. It expresses, defines, and clarifies conditions. It is essential to, and ingredient within, civilization. Similarly, do not overlook the significance and value of symbolism.” Vagabonds of Gor, John Norman

This girl doesn’t have a lot to say about Gor, since she doesn’t see why anyone should assume all women are submissive and all men are dominant – because they’re not – however that particular quote sort of makes sense at the moment seen as this girl has been thinking quite a lot about various rituals and symbols of submission.

In the past this girl hasn’t really thought about rituals in D/s very consciously. In fact, mostly the way the D/s has worked in the past has been by just trying to do what feels right, trying to work it round each other. Mostly, that’s worked, but given the distance and given other things…sometimes it’s been hard to get that totally right.

It’s continually disruptive for this girl to try and get into the correct headspace when she is with Grimly, and then to force herself back to being away from him and towards mundane everyday things. That has to happen of course, reality exists, work, financial commitments, family – everything. This girl wouldn’t change that. She just wishes it was sometimes a bit easier – to sort of be able to push the buttons that make her able to be the submissive he wants – to be able to go into that mode when it’s right to. Rather than desperately wanting to be submissive to him when she’s 200 miles away – and then screwing it up when given the opportunity!

This girl has thought before about rules.

A lot of subs seem to have them – some are pages and pages and pages covering more or less every eventuality that might ever happen, or written clearly to appeal to the male fantasy. For some people that might be really erotic and really workable – but those sorts of rules aren’t what this girl and Grimly want. He doesn’t want to micromanage her, or make her feel as though her every thought should centre around his cock – lots of them do – but not all of them!

So, a while ago, Grimly came up with rules of his own. This girl didn’t like them. If she’s honest the reason why she didn’t like them wasn’t because they were impossible, or contrite, or cheesy or anything else like that. It’s because she felt ashamed that he felt he needed to remind her of those things. Well, here they are anyway. There are some obviously that are just for times he wishes, rather than constantly, but it gives a bit of structure, and this girl has agreed with Grimly to try and make that work, and she’ll keep them there till he tells her that he doesn’t think she needs to be reminded anymore.

What this girl really wants is to feel as though she’s submitting to him when he needs her to, and that he has all his needs fulfilled. Given his needs as a dominant are slightly different to her needs as a rather horny masochist! This girl really wants that to work.

What this girl wants from submission is for it to be sexy, and for it to be romantic, and for him to feel as though she is doing everything she can to make him happy. Is that a submission thing or a love thing? Both? There’s been a lot of debate back and forwards recently about the marriage thing right now on other blogs. If a dom asks a sub to marry him is it right for him to ask or is it for him to command? This girl’s opinion is that it doesn’t make a blind bit of difference. She could not serve a dom she didn’t love. At least, not to the extent she wants to serve Grimly.

She doesn’t care if he commands her to marry him, or asks her, or arranges the date and the dress and tells her to be there. It doesn’t matter. Being married to him would make her ectastic, the proposal itself wouldn’t be all that important. Sure, every girl wants a bit of romance, but, any guy can give romance on one day. That’s what valentines day is there for – to encourage the ones that can only manage one day a year! Grimly is much more romantic than that – the sensual sadist – thats what this girl wants. She wants the whole submission/slavery thing based on that – love – and well, fun. Though of course, sometimes that will mean sometimes doing things that he wants that she doesn’t – now…that’s the bit that she’ll struggle with…but then it doesn’t exactly happen often.

This girl wants her submission to feel more ‘present ‘ as well. Sometimes it doesn’t. Especially when not around him.

The collar of course is the biggest constant reminder – it’s a sort of comforting placebo sometimes, a reminder of the commitment and of her status and relationship. This girl sometimes has days where she has issues with the collar where she rebels against it, doesn’t like the look of it, doesn’t like what it means – but whenever he removes it for any reason she feels lost and a bit out of sorts. It’s meant to be there. This girl’s main objective at the moment is to feel less of a part-timer – she doesn’t want anyone to think of her as one of those weekend warriors or whatever you want to call them. She doesn’t want D/s to take over her life, but, she wants it to play a bigger part than what it has.

This girl spoke recently to another D/s couple about rituals and routines, and symbols. They had several specific rituals – in particular that the girl slept in a cage every night instead of a bed, and other daily routines like that. That wouldn’t work for this girl, but the thought is rather nice. It gave this girl ideas – things she suggested to Grimly – things that he liked , rather a lot.

More to follow soon!

5 thoughts on “Rules & Rituals

  1. Dammit Lady, you have worked us all up…then like a 1960’s batman episode, left us on tenderhooks until the next episode !!! LOL

    A top couple you are 🙂

  2. Rituals and rules only work if you want them to. I had a ritual once that while it was nice, did nothing for me. It started to grate on me and I became grumpy whenever the time neared to do it. After getting into trouble for my attitude he removed the ritual. I’m a lot happier for that! 😛

    I don’t have a lot of rules, and most of what I do have are now habit. Does that make them still rules? My Master tends to think not and he will remove them from my list, “to free up room for more,” or so he says.

  3. KC – Kpow! zappp! 😉

    Luna – i agree – i have had things i’ve done in the past that have got to be chores and i dont want it to be like that – for instance – sucking cock every morning was an example of a ritual my ex wanted me to do…pardon the pun..but couldnt stomach that!

    Grim & i are trying to work out what ones work for us and do things to enhance the d/s rather than stifle it…so we’ll see what works..obviously what ends up working for us might bore someone else to tears but we’ll see! Thanks for your comments

    TG x x

  4. Rituals work for some people and not for others i suppose, but i think it also depends quite a bit on the rituals themselves. There are quite a few that we have tried, which just haven’t worked, and i’ve had the exact same experience of getting grumpy or uppity whenever it came time to do them.

    i don’t think there is much point in rituals that make you unhappy. It is one thing to do things as a sub that you may not wish to do, but I think it is quite another to make them into part of your day to day life. All the rituals that we have stuck with tend to make me feel contented and submissive, rather than miserable or rebellious, and i think that is the way it should be. But then, i’ve always been the sort of person who enjoys repetition and patterns, even outside of D/s.

  5. well we are hopefully working out which work for us…and yes…funnily enough i’m the opposite…a relatively random person lol. Tho sometimes of course stability is good! 🙂

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