Reaping what you sow

This girl reckons you get out of this whole BDSM malarkey what you put in. The more imagination, the more time, the more effect and the more patience…the better the end result. On the flip side, if you put in a lot of brattiness and disruption…well there’s going to be consequences to that. Which, once or twice this girl has learnt the hard way!

It is terrible to admit, but in the past this girl has done a lot to push. It’s not been always consciously, just really a habit that she has gotten into – a bad one, to do things to wind him up to see how far he will go.

It’s easy to say the reason for that is masochism. Very easy in fact, because partly it is. This girl loves most sorts of sensation, and craves pain so much. The thought of Grimly doing things to hurt her alone can make her extremely aroused and one of the main things she fantasizes about when he’s not here. So, without thinking about it, she does things to encourage him to want to hurt her, and shamefully she winds him up. She’s done that too much recently, and lately things came to a  bit of a head. A few weeks ago, she  kept pushing and pushing till he promised her a very hard weekend of BDSM and D/s and everything. Why is it, when both this girl and Grimly are looking forward to something so much it’s more doomed to go a bit wrong?

This girl desperately desperately wants the submission thing to work. Grimly is a great dom, she’s just not the best sub. Maybe it’s a bit  self destructive for her to write negative things but this girl wants to say it , so that later she can look back on this and think how daft, how silly that at this time she felt this way, and hopefully it will  just be a learning curve or something. He deserves a lot more, given the effort he puts in. He deserves to get the same back out, given that he puts so much effort into making incredible kit and tailoring everything to her fantasies.

It’s not as though the dynamic is really even based on pain being a punishment thing because it’s not. This girl knows that she doesn’t need to wind him up to get him to hurt her. Because that’s not the case. He’s a sadist, and he loves doing it, and is more into it and more adventurous with it when it’s followed a period of her being obedient and submissive to him. She knows that.

This girl doesn’t know why she still fights him and challenges him. She doesn’t want to be like that. Certainly, the orgasms, the sensations – everything – is better when she’s doing what he wants, and , the look on his face when he’s pleased with her is the most erotic thing ever. She would rather have him looking that way, than angry, or worse, disappointed, any day.

Well anyway, that was  a few weeks ago. Rock bottom. It went a bit crap. Without going into a lot of detail this girl wasn’t even sure whether she had maybe even put him completely off the idea of being her  owner and even off BDSM totally since the frustration of it not working quite right was getting annoying for him.

Though, you know, maybe that in itself was a wake up call a bit. This girl knows she’s unlikely to ever lose him as a partner, she knows how much he loves her, but as his sub, well, a few weeks ago that was a bit weird. The feeling was getting a bit like – will this D/s thing ever work?

It makes this girl wonder whether she’s some sort of idiot that just doesnt ‘get it ‘ the way other people do and she wonders why it’s her mind set that always gets a bit weirdly wrong.

The physical stuff works, it always has, play has always been amazing, but its the sort of bits inbetween that are not full on play but not full on ‘normal ‘ either, that are a bit odd. This girl has thought about that a lot recently. It’s helped speaking to people who have their D/s perfected, reading about other people’s experiences and just generally trying to learn a bit more about how to make this work properly.

The key is putting in the effort, working out how to make the submission feel like it’s meant to be. This girl has tried a few experiments over the last 2 or 3 weeks that have started helping towards that. Things that are helping her get into the sort of head space that compliments what his fantasies are, and well really, what might end up being incredibly erotic for both of them.

This girl knows she has enough imagination to come up with ideas –  ones for kit, ones for scenarios, and all of that – so really coming up with ideas to make the submission side of things  more effective shouldn’t really be all that much harder now should it? She really wants to know how this will work when she does that, when she puts in the right amount of effort and thought to make this work properly, like he does.

Grimly is good at solving problems – so hopefully he will help sort out this little problem!

Certainly, he made the plough work with a bit of effort and a bit of teamwork…so maybe with a bit of combined effort there’s no reason why the D/s thing shouldn’t work effectively and wonderfully too now is there? Stay tuned, and watch – from now on – no more brat!

Picture – Grimly working the plough with a team of human ponies – this girl , front left.

3 thoughts on “Reaping what you sow

  1. Be careful of your wishes, as they may come true! Will you push that “button ” again?
    By the way, I hope the effort was worth it…

  2. No, the point i was trying to make in this post was that i pushed him too far…and it went a bit odd. I don’t want to do that again x

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