A question from KC….
“What if he asked you to do something you really REALLY didn’t want to do/try? Would you feel you have let him down or would you feel disappointed he actually made the request?”
This isn’t really something that is much of an issue with Grimly, because for the most part this girl’s fantasies match up with his. It’s kind of important in BDSM to find someone that has the same interests and fantasies as you. Ok, there are always going to be some areas where a couple won’t agree…but stuff like that isn’t confined to bdsm. Couples just generally don’t always agree. It’s to do with the fact that men have this bloody minded deep routed need to be *right* lol. There’s probably men out there that think being with a submissive woman will mean they don’t have to have discussions or share ideas or think about someone else’s idea of how to do things….but Grimly is not one of those. That and of course men and women are just built differently.
For the most part though, what Grimly wants to do to this girl marries up with what she wants him to do to her. So that’s fine. In fact more than fine!
This girl cannot really think of an example where he’s thought up something that she’s been totally against.
There have been a few things that she’s been unsure of.
In fact anything ‘new’ can be a bit scary the first time. A good example of this is the issues this girl had with hoods to begin with – because until she tried them she didn’t really fully understand the possibilites. The idea was sort of scary, and she didn’t really understand the attraction…but it came to be a kink because he introduced it gently and erotically. It was a little similar too with upside down suspension which she was extremely apprehensive of – but loved once he’d demonstrated by doing it himself that it was safe and fun. Grimly has introduced this girl to so many different forms of BDSM that, at some point, may have been daunting or freaky – and most things she’s come to love – even if its in a sort of love to hate being turned on by it kind of way. In fact all she’d really done before she met him was a bit of corporal punishment type stuff and a bit of bondage – your average tie and spank. The reason why he’s been able to open her mind to new things is because he’s listened to any objections she’s raised and understood them, rather than just said, ‘i’m your Dom and you’ll do this or else’.
That and the element of trust. This girl knows that when she’s under his control that nothing is going to happen to harm her. She knows he isn’t going to blindly go ahead and do something that he had the slightest doubt as to whether it would be ok for her physically, mentally or emotionally. This girl has never come out of a play session with him thinking ‘i hated that’ ‘i felt forced to do that’ or ‘i wish i could escape’. Not once.
She has been in that position though in the past with someone else. So many doms think because you’re sub and they’re dom that what they say goes. Regardless of how it might effect the submissive’s well being. This girl’s ex wanted her to try watersports – she’s written about it before. She really did NOT want to do it. But he twisted her arm, and twisted it and twisted it until she felt she had no choice. Part of that was erotic in a really sort of ‘wrong’ way in that she got off partly on being put in that position to do something *so* humiliating…but the act itself was grotesque. It was not, and has never been since, one of this girl’s fetishes. This girl felt a bit sort of emotionally abused by it. It just didn’t feel loving – and this girl needs love to be alongside her submission. That’s not to say it’s impossible to be submissive to someone without being in a relationship – it is – it’s just not what this girl desires.
Grimly understands that…he knows she doesn’t want to do watersports, or needles, or being made to give another man a blow job (as examples). But – none of those things interest him.
Maybe this girl and Grimly are just really lucky they’ve each found someone with compatible tastes.
Recently, the only things this girl has had slight issues with are his obsession with chastity and his notion for wanting to shave his head. This girl is not going to revisit her thoughts on chastity at the moment – if you’ve been reading here you’ll have probably worked out that it scares the fuck out of her but she also finds it incredibly arousing and is sort of interested…just to you know…see 😉 As far as the head shaving goes, again, maybe one day it will happen but it will be on mutually agreed terms.
Is it wrong that things should be mutually agreed? When they’re big things like that? Some people might think its so unsubmissive to say that.
But ulitmately…does anyone want to do anything that will upset their partner or cause them any sort of emotional distress??
When you know someone this well…you know what will turn them on..and what will turn them against you…and you act accordingly. Consideration probably is the word for it – and this girl is ashamed to say but Grimly is probably far better at considering how this girl might feel about something than she is about he might feel about it . So, as such he’s never really asked her the impossible.
There are loads of submissives out there that say they dont have limits that they will allow a dom to do whatever the want.
In a manner of speaking this girl has got to the point where she would do anything he wanted – because she knows what that includes and what he doesn’t. She knows without shadow of a doubt that he is never going to ask her to do any of the things that he knows would freak her out so its not really an issue. She also knows that he will listen to any objections and answer any questions she might have about safety or any other sort of issue like that if he suggests something new.
It boils down to the fact she trusts him and knows what he wants.
Sometimes she might feel guilty that she isn’t convinced she is fulfilling what he wants as best she can….but apart from that…
Indeed, it’s really the only thing that ever makes this girl feel guilty…that she knows she has a lot more potential than what she demonstrates to him. She knows she should be able to cope with everything that he throws at her…and that being his submissive is a very fortuitous position for her to find herself in given he *doesn’t* ask the impossible…
just the bizarre
and the down right perverted.