Gags. One thing this girl really does NOT like. They are irritating, the dribble is humiliating, they stop her from being able to voice her reactions…and yet…they still have their uses, and ok, yes, can be rather erotic!
Oh alright – they’re probably just another of those things she loves to hate! 😉
This girl has to admit she is BAD at complaining about things, about crying wolf about something that is mildly irritating but that might actually get better if she just gave it chance. She KNOWS she’s bad for that. She’s actually quite humiliated about the number of times play has been spoilt because she’s complained about it, and its thrown his headspace.
There might be some people out there that try and say that’s Grimly’s fault. That he should be harder, or, that he should know the difference between a genuine complaint and a moan for the sake of it. And he does know the difference, and he is harder sometimes…..but gosh this girl knows how irritating she can be, and she hates herself for it.
She just wants to feel as though her head is in the right sort of zone, and it’s not been for a while. Not for any one particular reason, this girl doesn’t exactly want to sit here making excuses or anything. It just really hasn’t been. It’s not his fault, it’s just life…and partly the fact that she’s maybe not made enough effort with it some of the time. Possibly this post is sort of making this girl look a bit bad, but she always tries to make this blog about her honest thoughts, and she’s trying to be as honest with herself as she is with you too. So, you know, thats how things are sometimes.
Surely this girl can’t be the only one who struggles with this whole submission thing, or be the only one who gives their Dom more of a fight sometimes than they really deserve?
So, this girl really wants to make a conscious effort to do better with things. A few other pressures have been lifted a bit the last few months so there’s not really any excuses. She really wants to show how magic she can make this whole BDSM thing for him. Like he does for her really. Like he has done since…well….day one!
Sometimes therefore, a gag helps add something to a scene. It can help this girl remind herself that she shouldn’t be complaining un-necessarily, and that he will read if anything is going wrong or if the level of the play is not quite right by reading her body language. Its the same sort of thing as with bondage – the restriction gives a very visual and unavoidable reminder – he’s in control and what happens – happens – that’s it.
In fact, probably some of the best play to date has been when this girl has been completely incapable of really doing much else apart from have a few muffled orgasms through a little intense bondage overkill. But it takes time to get to that. She watched a video trailer for JG Leathers’ creature recently and it reminded her that BDSM can be a completely amazing experience if you have the patience to experiment and wait for things to develop. Unless you are really lucky ,it’s difficult to be in any sort of zone or space from when the first cuff goes on or from when the first knot is tied. In this girl’s experience, it’s only from about half an hour or so into the scene that things start getting interesting. It’s just…getting past that initial discomfort and frustration whilst things are set up and adjusted, and it’s really stupid that she doesn’t have that required patience sometimes.
Because, after all, its what she really loves the most. Sort of mad bondage layering, combinations of latex, electricity, bondage, sensory deprivation, breath play altogether. Total sensory confusion and overload. It just takes time to get to that. It takes a bit of time to adjust things to being the right level to be mind blowing…but…just lately this girl has been reminding herself just how worth it that is.
Oh and certainly at the moment she’s gagging for it 😉