Behind closed doors

A recent comment : –

My wife is no longer interested in the internet and doesn’t play or want to meet anyone from it at all…she just wants US to enjoy her bondage these days  (I cheat and post a few photo’s of her because I am a proud Dom! )

This girl is very much in agreement with that statement, in quite a lot of ways. The internet is full of a lot of creeps. This girl went into one of the chat rooms once and lied out about her age. Just to see what would happen if she said she was underage to someone who asked how old she was. To see if they would say thanks but no thanks…or hit on her. The result…do you even need this girl to confirm?  Yep. The guy didn’t say no. She told him she was 15 and he proceeded to ask her about her physical appearance and about sexual stuff..and then…asked about her mum! At that point, this girl’s test was proven and she’d had enough. Its scary to think there are people that would prey on people under-age but its an all too common fact. Gosh its a scary enough place for an adult at times!

The thing is though,  if you are sensible it can be a way of initiating contact with people. Of making friends, sharing ideas, learning things. The internet is not all bad, providing you know how to safeguard yourself against unwanted aggravation. This girl has to be honest in that she wouldn’t want to be without the internet. Its one of her main ways of being able to communicate about her kink to anyone else that might be interested including one particular reader especially. Blogging is really  just another way of her sharing thoughts and ideas with her Master, and recording things that she wants to remember. This girl would never have really been aware of Grimly’s existence had it not been for the net. It cannot be argued that it is an incredibly useful tool if you use a bit of common sense.

This girl wrote a while ago about her thoughts about whether or not bdsm may have been better before the existence of the internet, and what she summarised was this :-

Maybe before the internet people maybe knew each other better as it was accessible to fewer people – maybe there were higher standards because people wanted to make good impressions – maybe people cared more. This girl doesnt know about that. She does know though that there are a hell of a lot of good people in the BDSM scene but it seems to be that they are outnumbered by the ignorant, the rude and the fantasists (as in people who try and pretend to be something that they are not outwardly as well as in the privacy of the playroom during a scene).

It’s true. You are as just as likely to meet predators and complete morons at munches and clubs as you are chatting to people on the internet. Its why a lot of people feel similar to the statement mentioned above. You go somewhere, and you can be made to feel as though you are a mis-fit, or as not well dressed as someone else or as not well kitted out as someone else…there can be a sort of ‘we are better than you’ air at a lot of clubs. This girl and Grimly’s attitude is pretty much that of have fun and damn people if they want to be like that!  This girl was reading on IC that people had experiences of being at clubs and being slagged for having what others thought were poor toys, or for not hitting their subbies hard enough or not doing this or not doing that. Hmmm…this girl would LOVE to see someone even dare try and criticize Grimly in public. They would soon be shown their error and stupidity!

In fact, people have said things about him in public.

But for other reasons. People have said he’s too dangerous. Yep. We all know there is not a damn thing dangerous about Grimly he’s a completely lovable sadistic bastard but dangerous…no. Not when it comes to play. He’s completely safe. Sane? No. Consensual? It might not look it but it is. But he’s always safe. Sometimes even people have been crazy enough to say things about him to this girl.”’Hmm…yes…that’s my Dom you’re saying that about and I actually love him doing that” is a good way of getting people to suddenly feel like idiots.

That’s the thing though, sometimes the stuff Grimly and this girl does is maybe too shocking for club play 😉 It just feels bizarre having a pain induced orgasm in front of a crowd of people!

So, sometimes its just as well for it to be behind closed doors. Privacy is essential in BDSM. Being able to do what you want, and not really have to worry about how others might view it ..whether they might see it as tame, or too daring, or dangerous or bizarre…who cares really because the only opinions that matter are those of two people. The dom and the sub.

BDSM is not a spectator sport. It’s not about putting on a show for a load of men with their ‘hands in their pockets’.  It’s not about ‘winning’ its not about looking better than other people, its about really just indulging in your own sexual desires and those of your partner. If people find that admirable or something to compliment you on its a bonus, but those idiots who want to put people down or hurl insults just really don’t know what they are talking about half the time.  Gosh, this girl does not miss the public scene. Infighting, cliques, people acting like they’re six…its not worth the hassle of the cost!

Its nice to go to an event every now and again of course just to prove one’s existence as it were 😉 But, mostly, this girl and Grimly come away from public events thinking…yep…lets go back home to the dungeon and have some PROPER fun with each other! This girl likes to be an exhibitionist…but it’s more fun doing it this way than in public in front of people who wouldn’t get it. Clubs are useful sometimes in that its a way of meeting new people and making friends, but for the most part, gosh, this girl has to admit to one of those people that prefers a sort of underground BDSM existence rather than being some sort of ‘scene celebrity’.

Apart from anything else…she has issues with sharing her dom 😉

6 thoughts on “Behind closed doors

  1. Never really thought of it that way before – we’ve tended to go to the clubs because they’ve got equipment we lack at home (though we’re slowly building it). Both Mistress and I zone out everybody else while we play there.

  2. Oh, if only we had the space! ;_; The trial’s and tribulations of being a lesbian commune squished into a 3 bedroom house – we’ve already got a prayer bench in the lounge in front of the tele. If anyone asks, it’s for striking appropriate poses while playing guitar hero. Hopefully we’ll soon have the time to put a cross together, though it’ll probably displace one of the chairs in the lounge. I guess if we hang some flower baskets from it during the day, that might disguise it 😉

  3. oh there’s plenty of ways to make things portable…though we chose the option of just letting it take over the biggest room of the house. Which actually, is pretty small! lol

  4. Sadly, people will be fake whether its online, or in person. I’m often surprised at how pretentious people even in the BDSM world can be. I refer to it as the “my kink is better than your kink” attitude. I mean, come on, we’re all basically freaks, or pervs, or whatever term you prefer. You really mean to tell me that people really think because they’re into latex, they’re okay, but someone being into ponyplay is too weird? I’ve never understood that thought process. Maybe its because I’m a transvestite, so I’m on the fringes of a number of different worlds. Certainly there are those homophobic types who are just completely freaked out by a tranny. Again, don’t get the mindset.
    I realize part of it is control issues. Kind of ironic in a BDSM setting, but there it is. Often people are so insecure about themselves, that they want to be able to control everything around them, up to and including other people. That’s part of the reason people who do their own thing are so often ostracized. Don’t want to conform? You’re going to pay in a different way then! Sorry to blather on!

  5. gosh yes that was a rant and a half wasn’t it!

    i know what you mean, we don’t specifically conform to anything…we just do what we find fun! And as long as other people are having fun too let them get on with it 🙂 x

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