This post could be to  do with a lot of things. D/s, masochism, chastity, just being with someone. Maybe all of them!

It’s no secret really.

This girl is completely and utterly obsessed and in love with her Grimly. So much so that after a great weekend last week she was plotting to return to see him before even getting home. Long distance relationships suck they really do, the frustration, and that sort of empty feeling that comes with a sort of combination of sub drop and just really being apart from the person you love. Ok, this could end up being a bit mushy. But then again, maybe not.

See the weird thing is that when this girl is apart from Grimly, she constantly wants to prove to him how much she loves him and how much she wants to submit to him, and its not as though she needs to really do that at least not so far as the love bit – but she feels that way anyway. When she’s with him though its slightly different sometimes, because he’ll be a completely evil bastard and sadistic git and she’ll want his head on a plate – and she’ll still love him despite that – but she might not want to do as he says so much!

Its the whole control issue that this girl loves and hates the most. Its sort of something that she really craves and really wants and yet when its sort of *there* it irritates her something rotten at the same time as making incredibly and uncontrollably aroused. Its a bit stupid because really there must be people out there (including Grimly) that want to throttle this girl and say, exactly what do you want anyway? Cake and eating it are words that come to mind!

This girl can do better, she knows that. She knows that somewhere there’s this little switch in her that will make it all work properly. But you know, its just there’s so many fucking little switches in her head that sometimes she gets confused…so its a good job for the most part at least Grimly knows what he is doing and how to take control of it all.

Control can be mental, physical, sexual – all three. Like on friday, Grimly did a session with this girl that could really only be described as pain play because it hurt so so much! He stretched her body tightly with a combination of bondage and suspension and then hung clamps of her labia and strapped the tower of her pain to her nipples as well and then forced her to orgasm from that. Its that sort of play that this girl loves – and hates. It was really arousing and she had a brilliant orgasm from it, yet, it really stung and made extremely sensitive bits quite numb and tingly.

You would think after inflicting that on her, that he might be nice and give her some pleasure and some mindblowing sex. No. Did he hell!

He strapped her into the chastity belt, and set her the task of trying to please him enough to encourage him to remove it. Which, is really a bit of a game, because although he had the keys under his pillow (which this girl did not know at the time) – if he doesn’t want to give in – he won’t. No matter what. Chastity makes this girl really aroused, the sort of control, the bondage and the kind of helplessness of it. He knows all this, but this girl tried her hardest to make him resist and give in to you know, usual male urges. But then, he’s not really your average homosapien, more alien! There probably can’t be that many men percentage wise that won’t give in after ages of oral sex and having a naked girl collared and in chastity trying hard to please them can there? Trust this girl to find one of the few!

Though…it’s not really a complaint!

So, he didn’t give in. Grimly didn’t give in in the morning either, and kept her in chastity until play time on Saturday night. Almost 24 hours of chastity had a funny effect on this girl, it made her incredibly compliant and made her feel the urge to do what he wanted no matter how ridiculous. Though, there were times on Saturday morning that she wanted to rebel a little. Ok, a lot. But, some sort of self preservation mechanism kicked in and stopped that.

It was sort of a lesson, one of those – ‘just accept it because you really dont’ have a choice’. In case this girl is maybe making her Dom sound like some sort of evil ogre – he’s really not. The things he asks her to do are by no means outwith her ability or subject to ridicule. She’s just prone to being a bit difficult. Ok…ok…a brat. This girl is sure there is a deeply submissive person somewhere inside her and at times she wants to really completely embrace that, and other times she wants to kill it. Though, there’s no reason for that other than sometimes perhaps this girl subconsciously is worried that letting her submission take over is a bit of a weakness. But then, some of the spaces he has put her head into in the last twenty four hours are nothing to be ashamed of or scared of really, its been a lot of fun.

Grimly says making it ‘easy’ would spoil the fun, that its not meant to be easy and that its meant to be challenging. Sure, ok, having gone through ‘all this’ so far, this girl is quite proud of what she has accomplished so far, and is definitely different in a lot of ways to how she was when she first started playing with him. Not different in a bad way , or in ways where she has been forced to change – its been gradual, subtle, and although this girl isn’t particularly fond of this word – nurturing.

There are times yes, when he’s really mean and this girl has thoughts very close to homicide and other sort of nasty things like taxidermy and voodoo but really you know, she doesn’t mean that. Its really dumb that she sometimes makes out that she hates the things that she really loves and craves.

She does love what she has with Grimly , and would not do anything to risk it. To have someone that understands you no matter how irrational and dumb you can sometimes be is very very special. To have someone thats on the same wavelength and channel is very important too – because surely to God there must be many many Doms that would tear their hair out at this girl’s behaviour at times! And yet – even when Grimly is trying to be mad at her for some sort of misbehaviour he’s always trying very hard not to laugh. Because, yeah, if its not fun then its not necessarily worth bothering.

This girl does love him, despite her hating and loving his control of her and his devious mind.

This sort of sums it up quite well ….

8 thoughts on “Love-Hate

  1. Oh my, I had to read the posting twice in a row. TG, you might just save me from making stupidities and messing around with people I shouldn’t get involved with in the first place. (I am not a total hermit!) With reassurance if there were someone out there who fits in with my highs and lows, he’ll find me. Eventually. He’d better hurry to appear before I die. With a broad smile on his face and a deep and secure bond from eye to eye.
    And if he fucking doesn’t? Let him rot on his remote island.
    Am I a brat?

  2. are you brat? hmm i’m not the right person to ask am I !

    I found Grimly somewhere quite remote! So …you never know…maybe you should take up sailing lol.

    TG xx

  3. Ooooh I loved this post!!! A few things I can say I very much relate to – (trying not to sound corny) long distance being #1, the feelings/cravings/need when not together and subdrop when we separate, and though there’s been no chastity belts, I’ve been denied – and (unlike how you wrote your response to it is) something snaps in me everytime and I am the nastiest – I have my Veruca Salt moment, though less as each time we get to be together passes…. Enjoyed reading your blog, as always…. 🙂

  4. Yeah, long distance relationships suck. In fact any situation in which you can’t be with the person with whom you want to be is sucky. It does, at least, usually mean the time you are able to spend together is more special. And it won’t be forever.

    Having met you both though, it’s completely clear how much of a great fit you are for each other and how utterly happy you are. You work together really well so maybe you don’t need to change a thing? After all, I suspect Grimly likes the challenge really and wouldn’t want a completely compliant subbie.

    There’s more I want to say about the love/hate thing and the control aspect but I don’t have the time to get my thoughts properly in order this morning. Maybe I’ll re-read the post and add more later.

  5. what you have with Grimly is very special and i know you’d never want to give that up, no matter how demonic He becomes! It’s very hard to find someone on your exact wavelength, but once you find it, it is amazing. i somehow see being a ‘brat’ as a bit of a test for a Doms and know that i can be one, and have been recently! 😉 Great post… as ever!

    t. x

  6. baby, I had to laugh at the Veruca salt comment she is such an uber brat! Though, you know i’m not so bad as that though maybe I should not get too close to any squirrels..just in case! 🙂

    Velvet, aww thanks for your comments. I feel guilty sometimes about moaning about the distance thing because I know I dont have it as bad a some people, I mean, I can more or less get there in a few hours if I’m not working and have petrol money but gosh it just gets more irritating! As for him not wanting a completely compliant subbie? I know already what his thoughts on that are….put it this way i think he has his own plans.

    t, i quite like the demon in him 😉

    Thanks for the lovely comments everyone xx

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