This girl hates to admit it in some ways because it might suggest she is not as submissive and obedient as he deserves her to be, but there are times when she is still defiant and still a brat.
After countless sessions of brainwashing and electrotherapy you might think that she would be over it. But no. Indeed, far from it at times. This girl still has the need to challenge him into showing her who is ultimately in control Of course, she is getting better, adapting and gradually becoming what he wants her to be and perhaps eventually that conditioning will be deeper in that it is gradually inbedded and slowly reinforced rather than forced into her from day one. It is not as though he said to her when she first arrived ‘these are the rules – obey them or else’ or tried to force pre-conceived ideas upon on her as to how submission should work, because he hasn’t.
What Grimly has done and keeps doing is showing this girl at every sign of defiance that he is boss, and sure, sometimes that is painful first of all in the very obvious physical manner but also it can cause a bit of mental anxiety by making her feel a little humiliated that she still needs to be reminded as though she is some sort of dunce at school who cannot learn a simple lesson. It isn’t anything Grimly does that makes this girl feel that way. It is just how she is, how she reacts to it herself.
This girl has spoken recently about masochistic pride, and the pride of a submissive is not that different. In anything this girl does she likes to feel successful, good at it, and to be able to be proud of her efforts and accomplishments. Sometimes, when it comes to submission she doesn’t feel that way. Physically , she can do it. She can look the part in spades, but then being a tortured masochist is pretty much what she is about, and it is the love of pain and physical stimulation that is her main drive and desire.
The submission thing is harder, and, despite being completely devoted to Grimly she finds it hard to be consistent in her submission and to obey, even though he never really asks anything of her that is impossible or beyond her capabilities.
Why does this girl struggle with submission? Why does she still challenge and brat to the extent she does?
Some people might argue that if she has to ask these questions then maybe she is not a ‘true submissive’ deep down. This girl does not hold much for all that true this, true that nonsense, but maybe she should just be comfortable with what she is and with what she has. After all, people keep telling her how lucky and fortunate she is. This girl knows that, and she knows how rare it is to find someone who fits her requirements for a partner so perfectly as Grimly does, and that has his creativity, imagination and engineering skill. Grimly keeps reassuring her that he is happy with how things are and that he would continue to be happy for her to be his torture toy and guinea pig to his devious inventions.
But, despite that, this girl wants to give him more . Though possibly, the reason is as much to prove she can, as it is to fully appreciate her fantasies in their full extent. Because she does want this, and whenever her submission is working properly things are amazing. Grimly has of course picked up on that and in his own ways seems to plant little things in her head to enforce his control, though that seems to have in turn lead to him wanting to be harder in the face of her defiance.
Like this weekend. He has been quite hard both physically and mentally and God it is so erotic and sexy when he’s like that. Being tied up and at his mercy when he’s like that is a little scary and unpredictable but so erotic when he reminds her in no uncertain terms that he can really do anything he wants to enforce his point and it doesn’t necessarily have to be hi-tech. Probably he knows that this girl finds low-tech play a little humiliating and humbling incredibly simple as opposed to something complicated. LIke this. Like writing on her, illustrating what, at that moment. she was.
Because writing on subbies in marker pen is very definitely basic and completely embarrassing when combined with bondage and a little corporal punishment, warming up nicely to the intense and more technical session that followed, which was then preceded by yet another caning which almost had this girl in tears.
Being hurt, being embarrassed, being encouraged to submit turned this girl on tremendously and the sex after all of that was fantastic. Though she was not of course the only one aroused by his sadistic ways because of course he was not doing anything that didn’t cause just as much arousal for him.
This girl will never be a completely submissive micromanaged doormat and he would not probably love her as much if she was. Yes, she will get better and adapt but not to something so un-recognisable from what she is . He is always going to have little challenges to face but it is hardly going to be a problem when he is so capable of keeping her on her toes whether it be with things so simple as to be humiliating or hi-tech brainwashing. As long as things keep progressing and remain interesting whatever form the D/s takes it will remain fun.
This girl knows she is submissive and most definitely Grimly’s submissive, which, may not necessarily be like any sort of stereotypical version of submission, but then, BDSM is best when you take the bits that work for you and make something amazing out of it.