This girl is not a swinger. In fact…she’s always been monogomous sexually.

This girl loves a lot of aspects of kink and bdsm, but the thought of sex with a stranger, or even with someone she knows other than her regular partner – is a complete non starter. Not to say, of course, that there is anything wrong with wanting to indulge in multiple sexual partners its just not this girl’s choice.

She tried it once or twice after encouragement from her ex, and it just never felt right. It just felt sort of like some sort of cheap thrill, that wasn’t actually that thrilling.

This girl does sort of see the attraction a bit. For people who like sex and want a lot of it, and have partners who have a similar view. But thats the problem, if your partner doesn’t share your views on swinging and polyamory or you don’t share theirs you are going to have problems and one person is going to be unhappy.

Luckily Grimly’s views on it match this girl’s. Both Grimly and this girl are quite oldfashioned when it comes to relationship values which maybe contradicts a little some of the other bizarre stuff that goes on around here.

From this girl’s point of view, she just feels lucky that she has found someone who meets her needs on a BDSM and relationship level that she doesn’t want to jeopardise that and she doesn’t want to feel as though her partner is constantly looking for ‘extras’ .This girl has been in that position before and it made her feel a little undervalued, as though just being herself was not enough, or as though she wasn’t sexy enough or attractive enough.

Grimly has always made this girl feel a million dollars, and any bdsm or sex with him has always been fantastic, and that has predominantly been because of his skill for getting totally into her head and pushing the buttons that reinforce sexual control. This girl cannot orgasm without his say-so, therefore aside from anything else, there’s just no point in trying with someone else. She’s too conditioned. He joked the other day that if he said no orgasms for a year she would have to live with it, because it would be a choice of that or no orgasms *ever* if that sort of ultimatum would make her want to escape his clutches. Well of course, it was just a joke, and nothing would make this girl want to escape his devious clutches – well apart from when he is a complete and utter evil bastard…but then…deep down she secretly loves that too! What a shock!

This girl sees anything that goes on with him as very special, very personal, and very sexual, and the thing which makes that so amazing is the fact that its just the two of them – that the relationship has been worked at, effort put in from both sides to learn how each other tick. When you involve other people it gets complicated, there’s more peoples’ feelings to consider, there is more to balance as well as if keeping a bdsm relationship balanced with real life and other needs isn’t difficult enough to begin with.

This girl’s opinion is a case of that BDSM and D/s works best when its just the two people involved who are able to invest the time and effort into making it work without worrying about others, or their needs as well. Surely its possible to spread yourself too thin? Trying to keep too many people happy?

This girl is of course always interested to see how people make this work, and to observe poly families and households or people that regularly have more flexible views on relationships. It’s interesting to learn how other people do it, but this girl has what works for her.

This girl would like to sometimes involve other people in play and in her BDSM a little, maybe do a few interesting sessions and treatments in the torture clinic,  as its interesting to see how other people respond to the toys she’s come to love and hate dependant on how they are being used…but as far as sex goes…its a private thing and not to be shared.

So the only swinging this girl will be doing…..


7 thoughts on “Swinging

  1. I think you’ve touched on an area that I have felt is the key for a while now. And that is the intimate reaction between the people involved. This is where swinging seems like it would force me to loose a certain appeal to this lifestyle.

  2. We are with you on this one. For this couple, a Mistress and her slave, the only swinging we envy is that thing you are riding. We have had one real opportunity to be locked together on a leather swing and it was breath-taking. It makes us get a nice jolt to read about a couple into wacky experimental wild sex but whose relationship values integrity and loyalty. But you are not the only ones with that mix and that is great.

  3. I totally get where you’re coming from, but I guess I’m on the other side of it, lol. My Daddy and I are talking about opening up our marriage to include sex with other people and that’s something that’s certainly not right for everyone, but it feels right for us. The above comment kinda irked me a little because it said people who do play with others don’t have any values, integrity or loyalty to their partner and if that’s what’s believed, then in my opinion, they couldn’t be more wrong. It takes a lot of faith and trust in each other and the relationship itself to open it up to include playtime with others. The idea gives some people the creeps and other people a thrill. Neither is wrong. I’ll probably do my own post about this topic at some point, so I’ll stop writing a book in your comment box now, lol. I know you’re open to all ways of life and not judging anyone by any means and it was really the comment about the lack of integrity or loyalty that prompted me to write this.


  4. Thanks for all the comments.

    Dr Fetish, I agree, I feel as though BDSM and sex are equally more intense when shared with that one special person..

    Islv, its a suspension harness combined with lots of chains and leather. Grimly has an obsession for bondage overkill…but thats ok i love that 😉

    Pink, I wasn’t saying that its wrong or lacks integrity to play with other people. I’ve played with other people, and will probably again at some point (as I said). Just i don’t want to involve sex with that. I have seen people it works for, but it depends so much on the foundation of the relationship to begin with as its going to work. If the relationship is strong and its what BOTH people want…sure…i’ve seen people be happy with it and comfortable. But, i’ve also seen the icky side of it too.

    For example, in my area, one of the guys that is one of the best known bdsm-swingers doesn’t wear protection, i’ve known at least 3 girls where play with him has led to sex and things have led to one thing and another and its been unsafe. I’ve also known of people whereby one half of the couple is getting more ‘interest’ than the other and it leads to jealously. It can be a mess.

    Sure, if you have a stable well grounded relationship and trust each other I see no reason why it can’t work…but my blog was about the fact that it just isn’t something Grimly and I are interested in and the reason being is that what we have in the bedroom is enough for both of us.

    I am always open to learn about how things work for others, and thats why my blogroll includes people that are diverse and different. Would never judge anybody.

    Thanks for all the comments

    TG xx

  5. Not you. You didn’t say it, the comment above mine by lslv is what I was referring too. Sorry for the confusion or for making you angry.


  6. Nor in the nicest possible way pinkroses521 did we say it either. We said “to read about a couple into wacky experimental wild sex but whose relationship values integrity and loyalty”. Anyone who does that and that may not mean monogamously, however they configure that has our admiration (but not our envy) but because thisgirl has set it in a monogamous setting it did attract our attention, since that is how we are and no disrespect to those who are different so long as respect is up there in their values.

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