Six years . . . . .

Anniversaries…weird things…good memories sometimes…sometimes bad…but still memories

Today is the sixth anniversary of this girl’s first BDSM experience. There are things about that experience that were good, and also things that were bad, but you know, everyone has to start somewhere and sometimes one of the easiest way to learn is by getting it wrong the first time.

Prior to that day, this girl had dark fantasies for years. Dreams of torture, dreams of interrogation, and of being used, abused and most of all enslaved. It was really her introduction to the internet and her exploration of it that put a name to some of her desires, and showed this girl that she was not alone. This girl’s mum always warned her that the internet was a dangerous place, mostly because this girl’s first love was a hippy asian guy that she met off the net and travelled up and down to london to shag. With hindsight, it was really mostly sex, and her mum was disgusted by the idea of it all. But then, parents are like that. They don’t like the idea necessarily of their kids hooking up with weirdos from cyberspace. Although, its just as easy to meet unsavoury characters in your own home town as it is anywhere else. Especially when you live in a town that should have a place in the twilight zone.

Anyway, the internet was this girl’s main tool for learning about BDSM. She tried to introduce the guy she was with at the time to it a bit. With hindsight it was all very ridiculous and she made this collar type thing out of a belt and furry material. Gosh it was hideous. No wonder he was turned off! Surely this girl can’t be the only one who’s made a stab at being deviant and done it so badly the first time??

So, after that, she made the effort to learn a bit more, and when that relationship ended she made the effort to find someone who she hoped would share her fantasies to begin with, and so, she ended up meeting someone six years ago knowing that it would lead to kink. And it did. Looking back, this girl knows she didn’t do all the right things there either, and compared to what she has now things have changed oh so much. For a start, it turned out that guy wasn’t the right Dom for her, or boyfriend, but how many people are there that find the right person to share this kind of stuff with the first time??

Sometimes she wonders if it would have been better if she’d met Grimly then. Though, if she had, she wouldn’t have been armed with a little experience in advance, she wouldn’t have known any different and so maybe not appreciated him the same. Sometimes things being wrong make you appreciate it more when things go right.

Looking back, the things that formed her first BDSM experience were very different to what you see here now. Neither this girl or her first Dom had many toys to begin with. Most people probably start like that though, with a few bits and bobs from whatever local sex shops sell or with whatever can be made cheaply at home. Though, over time you accumulate both ‘stuff’ and experience.

For the most part, before she met Grimly most of what this girl had was just spanking and flogging toys, cuffs, a few sex toys, and you could fit everything she had in a moderately sized suitcase. Therefore, her first visit to Grimly’s was rather eye opening. Prior to meeting Grimly, this girl had considered herself to be reasonably experienced and prepared for whatever he might do.

Oh no.

Not a chance. The first time she saw his playroom it was like arriving at Disneyland. Although not really, because this girl *has* been to Disney (paris) and it wasn’t all that special, but you get the idea. It was as though, every possibility was catered for via the implements hanging from his walls and spilling out of drawers. An Aladdin’s Cave of kink. Though, it wasn’t just the quantity, it was the fact that he created most of it himself.

Its hard to accumulate a vast amount of stuff if you have to buy it unless of course you are quite well off, but Grimly had managed it just with a small budget and a bit of talent with leather. It sort of made it more special, more personalised and made this girl’s BDSM feel better and less as though it had come overpriced from a tacky sex shop. Yeah. Sometimes having all of this makes this girl feel a bit like a snob as though what she once had isn’t good enough. Its not really the case though, its just, this girl is now used to certain things and would not want to give that up for all the world!

The most fun thing of course is exploring new ideas, trying things, experimenting. There are days when this girl regrets some of the things she’s done over her time doing all this sort of stuff. Things that could have been better or different. Things that were handled badly. There are also times when she wonders whether she should have behaved differently – shown more submission – who knows.

The submission part has always been a little difficult for this girl.She finds the masochism far easier, rejoicing in being bound, tortured, made to scream, made to orgasm…made to be completely controlled. its erotic, its satisfying, and its amazing. Submission is harder. Pain you can either take or you can’t. You either like the sensation or you don’t. Submission requires more effort, it takes more thought, and takes a lot of time to get to know your other half well enough for it to work at its best. If this girl has learnt one thing over the last few years its that. It takes time and effort. She’s getting there. She needed someone who could help her develop it slowly, showing care, showing attention and building it into her fantasies. Grimly does that.

Grimly really has been the one behind making this girl what she is, or at least modifying her a little into this. There are things she would have never tried or not even thought about if it wasn’t for him.

Like gasmasks for example. Prior to being with Grimly, this girl only associated them with WWII, air-raids, and a trip to the Eden Camp war museum.

But yeah, just one of those things that has gone from having rather obvious connotations to being extremely erotic.

This girl likes gas masks because they intensify breath play. Its easy to control the air that goes through them quickly and safely. Its easy to breath poppers through them, whether you want to or not, and because of this, and because of the overall control being masked in this manner gives, its incredibly easy to have mindblowing orgasms.

Thats probably one of the biggest things this girl has learnt in the last few years…that orgasms are at their best when every bit of you, your body, your senses, your breathing…everything…is controlled by one man.

So its not rocket science.

4 thoughts on “Six years . . . . .

  1. I think you’re very lucky!
    Meeting someone that you connect with who has similar desires AND the knowledge to play safely is not easy. Most people struggle to find this even if they’re honest with themselves and others.
    Subspace is a wonderful place. I wish I could visit as often as you!
    Enjoy, Sadie.

  2. happy anniversary sweetie:) hope that u’ll have many many another anniversaires of bdsm:)

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