Its so easy to get ‘used’ to things being a certain way, to expect things and take them for granted. To take people for granted.
Its especially easy for this girl to sometimes take Grimly for granted, and temporarily forget just how fantastic it is that she is his and yes, thats absolutely shameful of her!
It is almost as though sometimes its a case of she’s got used to it being this good, being this amazing, being this close to her fantasy. On a sort of par with people like J-Lo and Mariah Carey getting used to the fact they can demand white leather and two zillion roses in their dressing room or what not. They expect things because of what they are used to and they possibly no longer appreciate it anymore.
This girl is not a diva. She doesn’t really make any demands on Grimly other than to try and encourage him to give her more orgasms or to try and encourage him away from tinkering at the car club and back into his shed. His shed has been neglected a bit lately, but then, this girl has a feeling there will be new inventions on the way to show off to you soon! But no, she doesn’t really make demands, she’s just used to being, well, lucky, and sometimes she takes what she has with him for granted a little.
She tries her hardest not to of course, but, its easy in life to get used to things being a certain way and getting complacent about it. So, there are times when this girl just tries to remind herself *not* to be like that. Its days like today in particular, when you think about what other people have lost that it does make you appreciate things and have all sorts of thoughts in your head about what would happen if ….
If this girl were to lose Grimly, well, she doesn’t really want to think about it. But you know what? The BDSM side of life wouldn’t matter. It really wouldn’t.
Aside from anything else, as this girl said, she’s used to how things are. Meaning no disrespect to any other dominant, but she can’t see it ever being better than *this*. How can there ever be anyone that would understand her fantasies so well and be able to bring them to life so colourfully? How could there ever be anyone that could be on the one hand so evil and the other so loving to her?
This girl is totally spoilt goods as far as other doms are concerned! She could not and would not want to be ‘retrained’ or reprogrammed or be brainwashed into being anything other than Grimly’s. Any sort of passing thought she’s ever had of experience anything else has always been for the sake of masochistic fantasy only – and this masochist can be selfish when she’s craving pain -those thoughts have not been to do with submission and certainly not to do with love. This girl wouldn’t want to be anybody else’s. If she can’t be his sub, then, well…there’s only one alternative, yeah….the other side. Being dom. This girl has tried it before actually, and she’s not totally useless at it…but…its just not her at the moment.
This girl would adapt without D/s. She could live without that. If she had to. Obviously its not something she has to think about right now, but she would adapt if she had to.
What she would miss most is him, stupid things about him. Or things that might be stupid to anyone else anyway, just sort of quirky things that you get to know about someone by being in love with them, and things like his company and his cuddles. Sometimes it means so much for him to just *be there*.
Yeah daft little things mean an awful lot to this girl, and sometimes she forgets that.
She tries her best to use her blog to communicate to him, as much as anyone else about how much he does actually matter and how much she does appreciate all the stuff he does, but sometimes its difficult for the smugness and the exhibitionism of all of this not to sort of cloud that! This girl doesn’t deny that she’s quite smug and content about what she has…and sure, why wouldn’t she want to show it off. But sometimes, its important to be a bit grounded, and this girl does try so very hard to be. She wants to come across as someone who loves all of this and enjoys sharing this with you and not some sort of smug pretentious arsehole. But you know, if there are any arsehole moments please forgive those!
This girl does often wonder why oh why the fuck is he with her when he could probably do a lot better. Certainly he could find someone more submissive, and probably someone more of a pain slut too. Yeah she knows his answers to that and the reasons that make her as important to him as he is to her.
Its one of those days really, where its important to think about what you have, about what is special and priceless and be proud of that. No matter how small, or trivial, or ridiculous it might be to someone else, be proud of what makes you happy.