If this post comes across as cranky you’ll work out why 😛 Here follows the rambled (yet honest) ravings of a woman currently with unbalanced hormones!
Some people seem to have really in depth discussions about how PMS and menstruation should fit into BDSM & D/s and about how sometimes playing and having sex during that time can be extremely erotic and satisfying.
This girl isn’t one of those people that finds it erotic. Nope. She can be emotional, irrational, sore, and cranky and doing the sort of physical things she does at any other time of the month just have no appeal, and maybe its because she’s up for nearly anything her Master wants the rest of the time that it doesn’t bother him.
Though then again, given at the moment Grimly and this girl don’t live together, he doesn’t have to face it in person. Though as baby suggested, there’s always the cage. 😉 It will be certainly interesting to see how he handles it when he has to put it up with it in person every month!
So at the moment, he only has to worry about it long-distance.
This girl hates to admit it, but there are probably times when her hormones put her poor Master through hell. Like last month. The thing is, if she’s going to have any sort of doubts in her head or concerns or worries, they all seem completely out of proportion when she’s hormonal. Only, of course, it doesn’t feel that way at the time!
So last month she was having a bit of doubt, a bit of wondering whether she wanted all of ‘this’. You know, the whole shebang. Masochism, submission, torture…there was a whole afternoon where none of it appealed whatsoever. Yep. Stupid! The thing is though, these thoughts felt completely real at the time, and she told them to Grimly. Luckily, he knows how bloody irrational she can be at times and just listened and waited for her to get over it. Any other man, might have totally over-reacted.
Grimly understands her though. Gosh, when you’ve got PMS and being a complete idiot its good to have a partner/Dom that understands that and just sort of….waits for it to finish. lol
This girl felt pretty bad last month though for putting him through that. The thing is, and you might not understand if you’re a man but sometimes no matter how much you want to beat it you can feel low, you can feel a bit unbalanced and you can feel like wanting to bite the head of everyone that speaks to you. Men. They have it so easy!!! Apart from having to defend themselves against this!
This girl does try to prevent it, this month certainly there’s that much to look forward to and that much to get excited about that it hasn’t really effected her too badly.
See part of probably what makes it bad though, is it that every period is like a reminder a bit of the biological clock/time-bomb which is constantly ticking. Yeah so she’s only 28, but its there sometimes.
Especially if there are babies about it can sometimes make her feel broody too and sort of remind her that her own chances of having kids feel pretty small sometimes. There are so many reasons for that, not at least of all that she isn’t even sure if she is the maternal type! But, in addition to that this issue always reminds her of the age difference between her and Grimly. Most times, its not an issue. In fact, she gets off on having a Master that she can look up to, that she can feel protected by, and enjoys the benefits of his experience. In addition to that, he doesn’t act his age. Mentally he’s on the same level as she is and is into the same things (not just BDSM) as this girl is. But, this girl sometimes wonders, if it gets to the point where she wants to think about having a family is it fair to ask him to do that? Is it fair on the child to give it a father that is older than average? This girl has older parents, but her Dad had her when he was about 8 years younger than what Grimly is now (he’s 49). Mostly, she doesn’t feel as though she’s missed out with that…her Dad is a fantastic person…but sometimes the knowledge of how long its likely that he’ll be around scares her a bit. Not yet, because although 72 he hasn’t changed since he retired at 58 really, but, it still scares her a bit. Oh fuck getting weepy now! Crap!
So it worries her. But then, yeah, its better to have a great dad till you’re 30 or 40 than have one that is abusive, or never there, or a total arsehole. Or all of the above.
Also, there’s the whole question of whether either this girl or Grimly would want to give up all *this* being realistic, the playroom would have to go, look at it, you couldn’t hide that from an inquisitive child – its way too much and whats the alternative a BDSM version of the Addams family. Eugh. no!
Its because of thoughts like this, that this girl starts to question the whole thing. Would she rather have a family than have this. Is it ever going to be possible that she can sort of work out a way to have both? Its at times when this gets to her that she wonders if he’s right for her, whether she should find someone that wouldn’t feel as though they have to go along with her plans to keep her happy – that would be at the same stage of life – and that she could grow old with and have for longer. Its not that he doesn’t want kids – God, his opinion on it is pretty much the same as hers, sometimes he wants to sometimes he doesn’t. She would not force him into it, and if it came to it and she wanted it and he didn’t then maybe things would end either that or she would just accept it.
Despite that, there are some periods when she just sort of hopes for a few minutes that the trickle won’t appear. That she might be pregnant. But she’s too safe for that to happen. Grimly had someone lie about protection before as they were desperate for a child and she would not dream of doing that to him as the whole thing led to an awful lot of hurt and upset. That is a whole other story though that you won’t hear. Needless to say, if this girl ever meets that woman…hmm..restraints will be necessary! Anyone that hurts her man is fair game. Though, then again, given what and who are involved, she wouldn’t really do anything. This girl would only expect Grimly to be a father if he wanted to, and she knows he’d be great. The kid would have a lot of home-made toys…perhaps not with built in electrics!
The whole issue that causes doubt for this girl sometimes is – is she wasting time here? Is this whole BDSM thing a complete daft fantasy is she wasting her life getting tied up and tortured when she could be doing other sort of more normal things? Having a normal life?
The thing is of course, when she thinks about this meaningfully and when she’s not too hormonal she knows the answer.
She’s happy with what she’s got. If things remain as they are , having fun, feeling loved, enjoying all of this..what could be better than that. Besides, if she broke up with Grimly to try and find someone younger, that might want a family, whats to say that person wouldn’t end up being awful and as bad for her as her previous boyfriend? She could have got married and had a family with him easily enough, but it would have ruined her life!
This girl deep down KNOWS she has everything she wants right now. If kids happen, they happen but not yet. She loves her life, she loves the fact she has this evil genius that makes her fantasies come true and she is NOT giving him up. She couldn’t possibly love him any more than what she does.
So yeah, its bad that she puts him through this sort of daftness sometimes. She’s trying hard not to, she’s trying hard to not let these sorts of doubts get to her, to really complete eradicate them. Pah, but you know what, she’s a woman. This sort of thing happens. He understands that, and he keeps well clear!!
Maybe submission should mean you don’t put your Dom through this. But, even the most devoted submissive, even the most dedicated slave, surely they have a couple of off-days where they cant help being a bit irrationally female???
Ps – is this why you dont see many posts on D/s weblogs about PMS – because it looks nothing like the picture of perfect submission that some people try and paint???