Its one of those age old questions ‘what are your fantasies?’
For this girl there are so many answers. Most of them can be found here, because a lot of them at some point or other have come to life in some sort of variation!
For years this girl has had dreams and fantasies involving torment and torture in various forms – medieval, clinical,physical and psychological. Over time this girl’s ideas have sort of gained form and have became more involved and also a lot darker since the evil bastard that everything in her fantasies rotated around became an ‘actual person’ and not someone imaginery.
This girl is incredibly fortunate that a lot of the things that she dreams up,if she just tells him, can happen. Its an utterly smug and delicious feeling and perhaps may have led to this girl being perhaps a little spoilt and possibly taking him sometimes a little for granted. Lately, things on the BDSM front have been a little quiet due to other obsessions and the summer heat, so, this girl is starting to feel a little more grounded again and a bit more appreciative of what he does and is definitely looking forward to the next time she sees Grimly.
When this girl goes for a long period without it makes her want some things more than normal. Maybe its just part of the withdrawal process, absence making the heart grow fonder or maybe she just needs a good seeing too! Maybe its all of these!
When this girl is away from the thing she misses most (after him for himself) is his control. Its still present of course in the little ways it can be, but its not the same as how it is when she’s with him.
There are things about this girl that are completely controlled. Well. One thing mainly, and that is her ability to orgasm – she can’t without him. This form of sexual control is sort of one of the pivotal parts of this girl’s submission – its incentive, its a reminder, a reinforcement and above all else completely and utterly erotic and sensual.
Grimly can make this girl orgasm even when he’s not here, but, maybe because she was missing him so much, missing him being able to physically toy with her body and her mind and torment her, she said ‘you know what….don’t give me any more till you see me’. That’s around about 10 days. Maybe for you, 10 days of not having an orgasm is nothing. But, for this girl its torture lol. Yes, as she said, she’s been spoilt!
So, sure, its another instance of one of those ‘be careful what you wish for’ days, because of course he said he would be happy to oblige her suggestion! Funny old thing!
Orgasm control, sexual control – it is all stuff of fantasy – the reality is odder!
Sure you might be thinking ‘hmm hang on a minute you need to be bribed with orgasms to be submissive??’
Its not really a case of that. Its not bribery. Its reinforcement of who is in control, and a reminder that she cannot do this purely simple physical thing for herself. Its part of how the D/s works. But only a part of something which is quite a lot bigger.
Lately, this girl is really wanting to show Grimly how good a submissive she can be. He deserves that. He puts in a great deal of effort into the things he makes and the things he does and she wants to match that. She does her best to match him with imagination, with coming up with new ideas, with suggestions for play and for kit and she tries to endure all the stuff he puts her body through…yeah…its such a hard life being a masochist lol. Which is essentially what she is mostly – a submissive masochist. With the emphasis being on the masochist part. Or that was what she always thought to begin with anyway. It was after all,the physical elements of BDSM that got her attracted to it. But, there is just something about him being in control of her, of owning her and being able to completely tweak things in her mind that makes being his fantastic.
So, his submissive she became. Still learning, still exploring, still enjoying.
Fantasy, reality, combination of the two – whatever it is, its a lot of fun. Fantasy and reality do blend together though, its just really a sort of understanding of the requirement for a balanced life that stops this girl wanting this and nothing else sometimes lol.
Sometimes what feels like the biggest fantasy is the idea of living together, and getting rid of this whole daft long distance business.
Its what this girl wants, but there are days when it still seems so far off being possible that she wonders if it is all just a fantasy in her head. Ak, she knows it will happen, its just a matter of being patient, waiting for a couple of opportunities to be right…and yeah…telling her mother. lol. Not about the BDSM part obviously…but about moving…further….again!
Sometimes this girl wonders what living with him will be like. She’s knows what it won’t be like. It won’t be micromanaged. He would hate that and so would she.
She wouldn’t need to ask for clearance on every decision. She would get irritated by asking, and he would get irritated by her doing it. Sometimes she wonders if it would be interesting to try a day of having to ask everything….but wonders how many minutes it would be before one of the two of them cracked.
What would happen in reality – is basically similar to what things are like now – balanced..but much less frustrated. This girl isn’t convinced that its possible to live life as a total fantasy – it still needs to be grounded.