Values

Following on from the various discussions about trust mostly on fetlife, this girl seems to get the feeling that a lot of people abandon ‘old fashioned’ values, or think they don’t have a ‘right’ to them when they get involved in a Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship.

This girl doesn’t agree with opinions of ‘if you’re a proper slave you shouldn’t expect xyz from your Master. You shouldn’t expect anything from him’. Partly her reason for thinking this way is because she got into this type of relationship because she had certain needs to be met – God forbid a slave should have needs but she does! Given what she’s learnt from BDSM, she’s built up an understand of what to her is important, and, traditional values still have a place within that understanding.

Sure, by getting into this relationship she wants a bit of control, torment and humiliation and absolutely everything that comes with being owned by him. But you know, to this girl, that doesn’t abandon her right to other things which to her are essential to have a balanced relationship and happy life. Some people might not think D/s should be balanced and that it should be the Dom on top of things and the sub at the bottom and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this kind of opinion and this girl is one of the first to admit that knowing he is in control and has various powers over her is one of the most erotic things going. Balance is not the same thing as expecting equal rights, its just expecting that she can give certain things to the relationship and receive others that make it a fair and yet extremely kinky exchange. There are times yes when it isn’t fair. He doesn’t always play fair. When he gets his Grimly head on he can be one of the most evil bastards on the planet and makes his own rules up as he goes along but that is all part of the fun.

The things that come with him being dominant and a sadist though are not the Β only things that make the relationship successful.

This girl still needs certain other things to be present in a relationship as well, and maybe its not a case of that she thinks she has a right to them, but more a case of if they weren’t present she wouldn’t have sunk this deep into her submission.

Trust is only the least of these, and she is not going to repeat what she said in the last blog about this too much. Its not really even an issue she thinks about much in fact, because, Grimly gained her trust a very long time ago and he has not done anything to break that. Maybe this girl is incredibly lucky, but, she can’t think of a single time he’s let her down on anything. Some people on fetlife castigated this girl for saying trust in someone is important, but this girl needs various things in a relationship to be present to feel happy, to feel as though she can let herself relax into her submission and enjoy it. Some of those people said that it meant she was controlling him, stifling him by having expectations that he would behave a certain way. Its NOT expectations. This girl knows Grimly better than she knows anyone and this may sound incredibly cheesy but he is the flip side of her, yin to yang and all of that. She doesn’t expect him to be a certain way, she doesn’t force him to conform to her idea of what a Dom should be like. She has just simply fallen in love with him and become his completely besotted slave because of who and how HE IS. And yeah, she knows she is extremely lucky that she found her ideal.

Honesty is another one. If you cant be truthful with your partner what the fuck is the point. Yeah, some people might argue that if a Master wants to keep things from his slave thats his right to do so. No. What sort of relationship is one based on lies? Not very fun thats for sure if it all when it all comes out in the wash. Honesty is of course a two way thing, he expects it from her just as much as she expects it from him, a relationship needs that to work.

There also needs to be good communication, there needs to be integrity and a bit of responsibility in things. A Dom is not infallible. By being Dom, it doesn’t mean they won’t ever make mistakes or errors in judgement. This girl doesn’t expect him to be perfect, she wants him to be human and all the quirks that come with that and yes, Grimly, is one of the most quirkiest people she’s ever met.

She doesn’t want a mail order Dom of the ‘kneel bitch and suck my cock’ variety. She wants someone that she can share her life with,share good and bad with and do you know what? He wants and needs that too.

A dominant man can’t necessarily be a dominant man 24/7. Sure its in the background and always part of him, but sometimes even the strongest and most sadistic evil bastard will need someone that will support him and who he is able to discuss things with and share things with. This girl often wonders how men feel in the sort of relationships that require micromanagement and for them to make all the decisions, don”t they ever want for the submissive to think for herself? Doesn’t ever get to the point where its a bit pressured to have to decide every single little bloody detail like what she should wear each day or what should be for dinner!!!

Essentially, this girl requires her relationship to be one of mutual support. Sometimes that means elements of what would be to some ‘old fashioned marriage’ to be present, as much as D/s. Its not possible for 24/7 D/s for this girl and Grimly. If you take a look at the sort of things they do…when they get into this…how on earth could keep that up for more than a month without getting extremely burnt out!!

Thats not to say she isn’t permanently his. Permanently his submissive and his slave. There are elements of that present all the time, its just the relationship isn’t explicitly in your face about it all the time. Sometimes it more subtle and no, this girl doesn’t think being his slave abandons her right to have a supportive, honest and loyal partner and he’s entitled to that too.

And her value to him? As his slave?

Its not something you can put a price on.

This girl has a rough idea of what he values about her submission, just as much as she has an idea of what he values in her as his partner. A slave is worth more than any pricetag.

This girl is someone he can share his life with and have the support of. She’s also someone that will encourage his imagination, creativity and fantasies. She would never push him to be a certain way. He just is. And so is she.

This girl and Grimly are incredibly lucky that they found someone who was and is essentially ideal for them. Neither are forcing the other to be a certain way. Things just are and take their own development and progress.

This girl knows what she’s worth to Grimly.

On paper, its only a penny which is what he paid to own her, for his to be his slave. Financially, its not a lot of course, though if it had been more it would have cheapened it. It was realistically a token to symbolise the offer and acceptance of what has become a deep and meaningful and incredibly kinky relationship.

She knows that really to him she is worth so much more than the price he paid. This girl knows she is worth everything to Grimly and she knows what things he values in her and knowing that builds her confidence and her own self worth. It feels good to have someone that makes you feel like you matter just because you are who and what you are and not all of things within your character, not all of your values, are going to necessarily be kinky ones.

It might not be very dominant of him to keep telling her how much he adores her, how much he loves her, how much she means to him. And yet, then again who the fuck says that a dominant man can’t show his emotions and his feelings?

A man that can’t express himself is not necessarily all that dominant if he doesn’t have the confidence to express his own emotions and there is nothing wrong at all with a Master being completely in love and devoted to his slave. In fact, how can slavery be as good or as deep without that? This girl could not envisage doing what she does without being completely in love with him.

All of this doesn’t make him controlled by her. It doesn’t put her in charge of the relationship. Its just a case of this what they’ve both got together.

Sometimes it might sound as though this girl is a bit smug and content that she’s got a pretty cushty deal.

Yep.

It doesn’t make her any less of a devoted submissive though.

She just hopes he knows how much he means to her and how much she wants to give him everything he wants.

Even…….

and especially….

If that means him being incredibly dominant, devious, sadistic, and controlling πŸ˜‰

6 thoughts on “Values

  1. I think in the early stages of my dominant expression, i flirted with the idea of being a complete and total micromanager of my submissive bottom. There are times when i do apply this regiment to my girl, but i could NEVER do it for any extended period of time. Outside of the fact that it is very tiresome to do, i truly value my girl’s independence as it is one of the biggest things that i fell in love with – i’d never want it to go away. In fact, knowing how independent she is enhances those moments when she unequivocally submits to my whims.

  2. TG,

    Dear, what you have _ISN’T_ a “lifestyle” Dom-Sub relationship. What you have is a normal (Yikes!) head-over-heels in love relationship with incredibly kinky sex.

    If you were to “take out the kinkyness” of what you write, it’s all a love song to Grimly and about your love for each other.

    You two are far more “normal” than you realize!

  3. very good post. thank you for reminding me the my needs are ok. oh yes and if you get a minute could you update my link? i find it honorable to be on your bloglist!

    hugs
    ~m

  4. Deity, i think Grimly would about agree with you on this. I know he appreciates me for who I am , and also for what he can make me when he feels ‘so inclined’ πŸ˜‰

    kk, good…you know what i hate the word lifestyle…eugh. lol
    We are what we are, and that DOES involve us being a D/s relationship but its a relationship incorporating love as well as kink. I think what we do is far far beyond ‘kinky sex’! So, sometimes things I do are out of submission to him, sometimes they’re out of love, sometimes its a bit of both. Thats just how it is πŸ™‚

    m, thanks for your comment glad to know i’m not alone hehe have updated you

    thanks for all the comments

    TG xx

  5. regardless of what role I am playing in a relationship, what I bring to that relationship if my gift to the other person, or persons, my ability to give it is my gift to myself, the protocols of the relationship while respected within the dynamic of the relationship are not going to be long lived if the gift itself goes inrecognised

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