This girl went to see Kylie the other day in Newcastle. This girl had been really into Kylie when she was around 9 or 10 or so, and Kylie’s was the first album she had bought for herself, as well as the video which she used to sing and dance to (extremely badly! – the whole idea of which will bring horrors to Grimly’s mind!)
That was a time when this girl was pretty innocent and way before her times of self torture and way way before her route into sexual deviance and pervertery. Its funny of course, to sometimes witness and revisit things that remind you of who you used to be. Newcastle too has memories in that its where she met her first ‘Dom’. This girl passed the very place where she had first seen him waiting for her in his car, and it was weird as it was almost as though she could see herself crossing the road and wanting to say to herself ‘no …don’t do it…big big mistake’.
And it was. One of the biggest mistakes this girl has ever made, and yet, if she hadn’t done it she would probably have not met Grimly either and would have been living some mundane and extremely ‘vanilla’ life elsewhere. Sometimes, having bad experiences does help you appreciate things more when they improve.
In some ways this girl envied Kylie, she seems to love what she does and can express herself anyway she wants and people will always be thrilled by it. Her show was quite fetishy and extremely camp, and it made this girl wonder a little as to whether Kylie is really kinky like that or whether its just all show and spectacular. It would be quite funny actually if it wasn’t real. If it was just to shock and wow an audience, if the person underneath it all is actually completely ‘straight’. Whilst, at the same time, at least one person in the audience is pretending to be ‘normal’ and is actually far far from it!
This girl tries her best to express herself as who she is. At least she does when she is around likeminded people or when its in a forum that open-minded people will come across, like here. But its just not possible to do that all the time, sometimes she needs to do the straight act.
This girl’s Mum said the other that she had regrets that she hadn’t done more with her life and this girl suspects her Mum thinks she isn’t doing much with her own life either. Of course, parents always want the best for their kids.
This girl certainly has regrets about some of the things she has done, or not done, and about some of the choices she’s made. However, thats not to say there aren’t things that she is proud of too. There are plenty, and yet, a lot of them are definately never going to be things she will share with family.
Though of course, not everyone can be open about every aspect of themselves with everyone that plays a part in their lives and that is in all probably just as well because mystery is not necessarily a bad thing.
Grimly is probably the only one person who knows everything about this girl which makes what she has with him rather special. Somehow it makes the relationship stronger and it seems that although the relationship was founded more or less entirely on kink something else has developed which is very special and which this girl is very proud of. She has a man who takes care of her, adores her, and tortures her and although its not something she can quite shout about to her family it doesn’t make it any less worth having.
Though…she’d quite like to have ‘riding mistress’ Kylie for Christmas, if Santa is listening 😉