This is probably not a word everyone would use in connection with M/s, but it is completely vital.
This girl sometimes wonders whether *those* relationships exist, where the Dom makes all the decisions, what to have for dinner, what dress she should wear, what nail varnish, how she should have her hair…basically relationships where the Dom decides everything. Or as near as is humanely practical. No offence, but if this girl had a week of that she would be screaming!
That is not what this girl has with Grimly. Sure she has guidelines, things he expects (like his coffee in a morning when she’s at his or for her to adhere to the dress code) but he does not decide every little detail of her life. Just the ones he wants to, and mostly, thats for fun.
Being his slave is not exactly difficult in the sense of having to stick to pages and pages of rules or protocols. Keeping an open mind and an active imagination is valued so much more than being able to follow blindly in the relationship she has with him, and so is being a partner in things when he needs her to be. He always did say that he never wanted a doormat, and he will never have one.
Sometimes that partnership is equal, sometimes the balance tilts about, but mostly its balanced just right. Its important.
Two people in a relationship will bring to it different things, and its no different when the relationship is kinky. Grimly brings an ability to make things, to bring things to life, and this girl brings to it a willing mind and body and an ability to plaster it about the internet afterwards lol, and sure one brings dominance and sadism and the other submission and masochism.
This girl needs to feel that emotionally and romantically she is his partner. That things are shared. Not a case everything being controlled by him because he’s the Dom. That doesn’t work. This girl is not a weak woman. She’s let herself be taken advantage of before, and she learnt from that. It doesnt matter that she knows he would never take advantage of her, of her body, of her submission, she still needs to have a degree of independence and input into things.
Both the good things and bad things both need to be shared and dual responsibility in things not shifted in the name of power exchange or in the name of the Master/slave dynamic. There have been times, plenty of them, when this girl has felt reliant on him. Where she felt like she’s been a little too dependant on him for emotional support, but its part of life that just sometimes there are times like that, and he got her through that. Not because he’s her Master, but because he is her partner in everything. Whilst it may be one of his responsibilities as her Master to look after her emotional wellbeing, its not for responsiblity that he does it, its for love.
There are times when things need to be shared, emotions, experiences. Whatever.
Sure there are also times when power needs to be exchanged, given, taken, forced, surrended – whatever form that takes and they’re the fun bits but they wouldnt be fun if the rest of the time things werent well balanced and part of a loving relationship.
Sometimes this girl wonders if she is living a life of polarity, a double existence, a secret identity, at one point wanting a balanced relationship, wanting things to be shared to be equal and yet….
at the same time wanting to lovingly submit, or to be cruelly tortured and bound and dominated and being shown in no uncertain terms what she is.
But then…who says you can’t have both, and still mean it, just as much.